


These Four Walls and Me

by justyrae



Category: Little Mix (Band), One Direction (Band), Radio 1 RPF
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Catholic Guilt, Child Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Flirting, Frottage, Genderswap, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, Minor Character Death, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2014-08-16
Packaged: 2018-02-13 08:51:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 56,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2144571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justyrae/pseuds/justyrae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the outside, it would appear that Niall's perfectly content with his life the way it is: spending his days with his three pups as they take care of his flock of sheep. In reality, Niall's got far more going on than meets the eye, but he won't let anyone close enough to help. That is, until someone comes along who's not willing to take no for an answer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	These Four Walls and Me

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this fic in February, finished the first draft in May, started editing, lost part of my edit and subsequently sobbed over it for a week, and abandoned it for a while until I finally finished editing and here we are.
> 
> apologies in advance if this fic makes you cry, I have it on good authority that it will. I only hope that you stick with it and make it to the end because I'm really very proud of this fic and it's sort of my pride and joy.
> 
> 8tracks playlist [here](http://8tracks.com/anhura/these-four-walls-me)
> 
> title from 'These Four Walls' by Little Mix

An early-morning breeze came in from the shoreline in mid-March, bringing a chill through the small Irish town of Whitegate, though no one was around to feel it. It continued, blowing through the rolling greens and empty streets as it found its way towards a small shack. It passed through the cracks in a broken window, leaking in and sending a chill down the tenant's spine.

He rolled over, trying to pull his blanket closer around his body to ward off the shiver. Unfortunately, he was not alone in his bed and none of the three other occupants wanted to share the covers.

Blinking the sleep from his bright blue eyes, he rolled onto his back and yawned before he was accosted by one of his bedmates. He let out a soft, good-natured laugh as he pushed him away since he wasn't quite ready to be covered in kisses.

"Down, Woofsevelt." He smiled, rubbing the ears of the giant Shetland Sheepdog that laid beside him. "Crazy mutt."

Upon hearing his voice, his other two bedmates rose from their slumber and demanded his attention. He greeted them in turn, nuzzling his face in their fur while still yawning.

"Alright, get off, Max." He gently pushed the German Shepherd away, who was then replaced by the Border Collie. "Ugh, that was not an invitation, Ringo."

He pulled himself out of bed and failed to hold back a shiver as he rubbed his arms to bring some warmth back to his body. He knew better than to sleep in his thin pants and even thinner t-shirt, but it never stopped him. It also didn't help that the t-shirt he was wearing was several years old, and the muscles he'd gained from constantly overworking himself on the farm didn't do it any favors by increasing the number of holes. Eventually, he shuffled the few feet to his pitiful stove that was only really decent enough to make a pot of tea in the morning. It had a habit of making a funny smell when he heated the oven, so he'd stopped using it ages ago. The two back burners didn't work either, but since he'd paid far below market price for it there wasn't really a point in complaining.

Besides, it was enough for him and the three dogs. Not that they ever used the stove anyway, apart from something to lean against while begging for scraps. While the kettle was warming up, he stretched out his arms and sighed heavily as he heard the bones in his shoulders crack and pop from lack of use. Dropping one arm to the side, he used his other hand to help stretch out his neck until he heard the same satisfying sounds. Letting out another deep breath, he ruffled his sleep-mussed dirty blonde hair before he turned to the small icebox and pulled out the last bit of mutton he had. Upon hearing the crinkling paper, all three dogs eagerly got off the bed and sat before him with the same pleading look.

"What?" He stared down at them and shook his head, failing to hold back a small smile. "Don't look at me like that."

It was useless, really, because he'd never been able to say no to any of them. Even when they weren't all ganging up on him at once, he was still the biggest pushover.

"Oh, alright." He sighed. "At least give me time to cook it, yeah?"

He turned back to the stove, turning on the other working burner as he fished out his only frying pan from the sink. _Clean enough_ , he thought to himself as he set it on the stove.

Fifteen minutes later, the small shack was filled with the sounds of all four of them chewing. He'd ended up giving the dogs most of the mutton, leaving only two bites for himself but he didn't really mind. He managed to find a slightly stale slice of bread along with the mutton, so he figured he could get away with not having as much.

Once he'd finished eating, he shuffled back towards his bed with the cup of tea and started to get ready for the day ahead. He pulled off his shirt, cursing softly when he accidentally snagged his thumb in it and made one of the holes even larger before tossing it aside. He shivered again as he pulled on both a thermal and a jumper before grabbing the same pair of trousers he'd worn the previous day. The three dogs padded over to his bedside after they'd finished their breakfast, looking hopeful that he might have a bit more somewhere.

"Shouldn't have given you any," he said with a light chuckle as he pulled on his boots. He gulped down the last of his tea, wincing slightly as the hot liquid poured down his throat, adding the mug and frying pan to the collection of dirty dishes in his sink before grabbing his coat and ushering the dogs out the door.

It was early still, the sun coming over the hills and illuminating everything just enough for his use. He glanced in the direction of the farmhouse, no more than a hundred feet from his door. A small wave of relief washed over him when he didn't see a figure spread out on the porch, mostly because this meant that he wouldn't have to spend an extra hour that morning helping them inside.

"C'mon, pups." He whistled as he started walking towards the barn on the other side of the property. Max and Ringo followed eagerly, starting to run ahead while Woofsevelt tagged along behind him.

"Rise and shine, sheepies!" he called as he unlocked the barn door, sliding it back and snickering to himself as all three dogs ran in and started barking.

"Lovely, you're already up," he said over the sounds of bleating. To anyone else, it was near deafening, but he was used to it. That, or he'd already lost most of his hearing.

He went about his morning routine, checking to make sure that all of the sheep were accounted for. He'd only lost a few to predators over the last few years, but the last attack had been months ago and he was relieved every morning when he woke up with the same number that he'd had the day before.

Once he was finished checking all of the sheep, he started calling commands to the dogs as he let the sheep out of the barn. As normal, the beginning was quite hectic but once the dogs had control over the flocks, everything fell into place.

He went about the barn, refilling the troughs with food and fresh water before cleaning up and laying fresh hay down on the floor. After the barn was set, he slid the door closed again, taking the water buckets with him to start filling up the various water troughs scattered across the land.

His days could be seen as monotonous, but it gave him a small sense of pride to be able to keep his mind focused on each task and know exactly what he was doing. Every morning started out the same, letting the sheep out and refilling things as the dogs herded them out into the fields. Then he'd walk the perimeter of the farm, checking the fence for weak spots to prevent the sheep from getting out.

This particular morning, he got caught up with fixing the fence on the side of the farm that was nearest to town. Turns out it was lucky, because he was able to catch a visitor before he made it to the farmhouse. He hopped the fence and jogged over, waving to catch the visitor's attention.

"Liam!"

"Hey, Niall." Liam smiled widely as his brown eyes focused on Niall, and he hitched up two large brown paper bags in his arms. Niall noticed Liam shiver ever so slightly, thinking to himself that Liam should know far better by now than to wander around this early in the morning in just a flannel shirt.

"You deliverin' now?" he teased, and Liam rolled his eyes.

"Shut it. Zayn said you mentioned you were getting low on a few things, so-"

"You didn't have to do that," Niall mumbled, now feeling rather embarrassed about the fact that Liam had left Zayn alone in their bed just to deliver groceries to him.

"Too late." Liam smiled again. "I can just drop these off at the house if you're busy-"

"No," Niall said quickly, reaching out for the bags. "Need to wake my da up anyway."

"You sure?" Liam asked, giving Niall a slightly suspicious look. Niall could tell he was hesitant about handing the bags over so easily, but he knew how to ease Liam's worries.

"Absolutely. 'Sides, don't you have a wife to get back to? Or a store you should be opening?" Niall smirked.

"You know full well that Zayn's still fast asleep." He smiled warmly, his eyes glazing over with a fond, faraway look as he thought about his wife. "And as for the shop, Perrie's got it under control," Liam answered, his warm smile turning to a bit of a smirk. "I hope, anyway. For all I know she's burned the place down."

"Shame," Niall replied with a laugh as Liam passed the bags to him. "She seems like such a nice girl."

"You don't know her well enough. Pain in the arse, that one." Liam grinned as he raised a hand to run his fingers through the short crop of light brown hair.

"You're the one who hired her," Niall said, his mouth quirking upwards into a similar grin.

"Yeah, well, that's the last time I listen to Zayn." Niall rolled his eyes and gave Liam a fond smile as he noticed him absentmindedly twisting the small gold band on his left ring finger, the same fond look returning to his face. Above all else, Niall knew that Liam would never stop listening to Zayn.

"Sure, whatever you say, mate." Niall started to make his way towards the house, expecting Liam to turn around and head back into town.

"You coming to the pub tonight?" Liam called and Niall turned back around.

"Course. It's Friday, gotta kick your arse at dominoes!" Liam laughed.

"Alright, see you there, then!" He waved and Niall turned back around, heading towards the house. He glanced over his shoulder and once Liam was out of sight, he switched directions and walked to the shack instead.

It had been almost a year since he'd moved into the small shack on the farm land, and there hadn't been a single day that he'd regretted it. The only thing he did regret was not being able to tell his own best friends that he didn't actually live in the house anymore.

In all honesty, it had started out as a temporary arrangement so Niall hadn't thought it was worthy of really mentioning. But as the days turned into weeks and then into months, it just seemed too hard to admit after all that time.

He knew that if he told Liam and Zayn, they'd both insist that he live with them in a heartbeat. But he couldn't do that to either of them, and so he kept his mouth shut.

After putting the few things away that he allowed himself to keep, he consolidated the rest into one bag and let out a long, deep breath. He stood still for a moment before he worked up the nerve to go to the farmhouse.

Thankfully, the house was quiet when he entered and he was able to make his way to the kitchen without any issues. He put the rest of the food away, being extra careful not to make any noise.

A few times, he heard the loud snores of his father from upstairs and some small part of him breathed a sigh of relief that he'd made it home from the pub the night before. It was mildly embarrassing having your father be the town drunk, but Niall was more ashamed of how his father treated him.

That had been the deciding reason for Niall to move into the shack; he just couldn't stand living in the same house with the person that his father had turned into after Niall's mother had passed away. Niall knew that part of his father had died along with her, but he never imagined that it would be replaced by the absurd, blind hatred that consumed him now.

Niall was in and out of the house as quickly and quietly as possible, turning his concentration back to fixing the fence. He was good at this kind of thing; he'd always been. Niall was good with his hands and he was good with the dogs and sheep. He didn't need his father to tell him that, no matter how much he wanted to hear it.

At the end of the day, Niall bathed in the tub behind the barn. The shack didn't have a shower, and he didn't care for trying to clean himself with just the water from the sink. Of course, using the tub outside of the barn meant he was immersed in freezing cold water but he'd gotten used to it.

"Jesus Christ!"

Well, more or less.

Niall shuddered hard and choked out a few breaths as he tried to get used to the cold water, quickly dunking himself under to get his hair wet. He kept his baths as short as possible, mainly due to the fact that he wanted to keep his balls intact.

Most nights he would head down to Zayn's pub, where he would adamantly refuse to accept free food until Zayn practically had to force feed him. While Zayn and Liam didn't know about his current living situation, they knew that Niall's father didn't work at all and most if not the whole of Niall's profits went right back into the farm so it wouldn't go under.

As much as he hated feeling like he was taking advantage of them - no matter how many times they told him he wasn't - Niall felt he'd never be able to express exactly how grateful he was to have friends like them.

Although that certainly didn't stop him from beating the hell out of Liam at dominoes every Friday night.

"What'll it be tonight, double sixes or nines?" Zayn asked as Niall slid onto his favorite stool in the far corner at the bar. He'd brought Woofsevelt along with him, and he padded behind the bar to find Zayn's black Lab, Coco. She was curled up in a bed, and never seemed to mind when Woofsevelt laid down next to her.

"Ni-"

"Absolutely not," Liam interrupted as he sat down next to Niall. Zayn rolled her hazel eyes and shook her head as she turned her back, going to fetch the dominoes set she kept behind the bar.

"What?" Niall protested.

"The last time we played with nines you were insufferable for the whole week. Never again."

"C'mon, Li! Bigger the numbers, bigger the score!" Liam let out a hollow laugh and shook his head.

"Absolutely not," he repeated. "I can barely keep score as it is."

"If you'd just let me keep score-" Niall began, but Liam interrupted again.

"As if you need another way to win!"

"Jesus Christ!" Niall laughed fondly before adding, "I don't cheat!"

"That's true," Zayn said as she came back over. "He doesn't. You're just shite at math, love."

"Not you too," Liam said with a groan. "Dunno why I even play this rubbish game anymore."

"Because you love me," Niall replied as he took the set from Zayn and eagerly started to spread them out on the bar. Zayn tucked her long, dark hair behind her ears before she crooked her finger at Liam, pulling him slightly over the bar to press a kiss to his lips.

"Don't be a sore loser, yeah?" Out of the corner of his eye, Niall could see Liam start to blush as Zayn whispered else something in his ear as he took her left hand in his right, brushing his thumb over the small diamond in her ring. With the way Liam's cheeks burned, Niall was fairly positive that he didn't want to know what Zayn had promised.

"That's why you don't win," Niall said once Liam had sat down, still holding onto Zayn's left hand with a fond smile . "Your head's not in the game."

"S'not my fault, can you concentrate with _her_ behind the bar?" He gestured to Zayn, who grinned before she walked away from the pair. Niall shrugged his shoulders before he looked back at Liam.

"Yeah, because I'm not thinking about shagging her tonight."

Liam didn't have to answer; the dark color of his cheeks did for him.

*

The night ended with Niall winning three rounds of dominoes, much to Liam's dismay. Even after months and months of Friday night games, he still hadn't gotten used to losing so often. Niall looked the other way when Zayn would try to help Liam, but it usually only got him a handful of points in comparison to how many Niall seemed to get each turn.

Just as they were cleaning up after their last round, Niall's father stumbled into the pub with a brown bag in his hand. Zayn sighed heavily as she approached him slowly, wary of how intoxicated he already was.

"We've been over this," she said carefully. "I can't serve you any more."

"S'okay," he slurred. "Brought my own." He brandished the bag in his hand and Zayn shook her head.

"Can't drink that in here, I told you that just last night."

"Shite," Niall mumbled softly as the atmosphere went from light-hearted and fun to nerve-wracking in under thirty seconds.

Liam placed a hand on Niall's arm, knowing exactly how tense this whole situation made him. Niall was already embarrassed, trying to avoid the looks of the other bar patrons as they watched the scene unfold. Niall's father heaved a drunken laugh as he tipped the bottle up to his lips, possibly spilling more into his shaggy beard than  his mouth. The liquid dripped down the front of his already filthy shirt, and Niall vaguely wondered what he'd have to do to get his father to put on fresh clothes. The last time he'd tried to force his father into taking a bath, it ended with the both of them soaking wet and Niall nursing a black eye.

Zayn stepped forward to coax the old man back towards the door, trying not to get too close as he started cursing under his breath. It only took one jerk in Zayn's direction for both Liam and Niall to jump up from their stools and rush over. Liam pulled Zayn back, softly agreeing with her protest that she could take care of herself. Liam knew full well that she could, but he had a habit of letting his protective side take over.

"I'll take 'im home," Niall said as he tried to put his arms around his father to pull him out the door. He wasn't having any of it, but Niall hadn't expected it to be easy. It never was.

He whistled for Woofsevelt to come as he ushered his father out the door, silently both thankful for and cursing the fact that he had so much experience corralling irritable creatures.

Niall had the normal amount of trouble with getting his father into his truck. The one trick Niall had picked up over the years was setting the child lock on the passenger door so once he slammed it shut, his father wouldn't open it back up and fall out. The last thing Niall needed was having to take his father to the hospital three towns over with a cracked skull.

He helped Woofsevelt into the truck, putting the dog in-between him and his father before he climbed into the truck as well. It took a couple tries to get the engine started, but Niall had grown to expect that too.

The truck, like most of the things in Niall's life, was old and fairly run-down but worked well enough for his needs. At this point he only used it for deliveries and getting to the pub. He'd stopped taking it outside of town after the last time it broke down and he had to walk the ten miles back in order to get some help.

The ride back to the farm was silent apart from his father's muttering under his breath and Woofsevelt's panting. Niall kept one hand on him, trying to protect him in case his father snapped and went after the dog.

By the time he pulled up to the house, his father had passed out against the window, the bottle forgotten in his lap. Niall sighed heavily, saying a silent thanks that he at least didn't have vomit in his beard as was the unfortunate reality some nights.

"Stay, Woofs," Niall said as he mustered the energy to climb out of the truck and open the passenger-side door slowly enough so that he had time to catch his father before he fell out.

As often as he had to drag his father to bed after a long night of drinking, Niall still dreaded having to do it. Something in the back of his mind told him that would never change, because this was not the type of thing a son is supposed to have to do for his father, Irish or not.

Niall, for all intents and purposes, was still practically a kid. Barely into his twenties and he was responsible for not only taking care of himself but his father, three dogs, over three dozen sheep and a rather expansive stretch of farmland.

It was hard to think back now, but sometimes Niall reminded himself that it hadn't always been like this. There were good times with his father, when Niall's mother was still alive. The three of them ran the farm together, Niall learning about tending sheep from his father while his mother taught him to spin wool.

"Fucking hell," Niall muttered as his father nearly slipped out of his arms while he opened the front door.

But right then, as he was desperately trying to heave his father up the stairs to his bedroom, it was a little hard for Niall to think about anything except for the putrid stench of his father's unwashed skin mixed with the unmistakable and rather disgusting odor of cheap whiskey on his breath.

Nevertheless, the only time Niall actually liked his father nowadays was when he was passed out. It was the only time they spent together that wasn't filled with his father either yelling at him or slurring insults.

"Night, Da," he whispered softly once he'd pulled the covers over him. He closed the door behind him and slowly made his way downstairs, very careful not to make a sound even though his father was essentially dead to the world.

The only noise he couldn't control was the truck's engine roaring to life once more as he drove it to the other side of the farm where the garage was. Niall had taken to locking it inside to keep his father from taking it out after he'd been drinking.

With all the preventative measures Niall took to keep his father alive, he rather hoped he'd get a bit more gratitude. But as with most things in his life, Niall had gotten rather used to disappointment.

Ringo and Max were happy to see them return, and Niall managed a weak hello and some pets before he too collapsed into bed. All three dogs curled up around him and he slowly fell asleep, dreaming of not necessarily a better life but maybe just something a little different; something other than his dogs and sheep to give him a little incentive to wake up the following morning.

*

Niall didn't have days off. It was impossible to when he had an entire farm to run by himself, not that he would've had anything to do even if he did take a day off. Even major holidays had lost their luster for Niall, since he certainly didn't want to spend them with his father and he'd grown a bit tired of the looks that Liam and Zayn would give him.

Saturdays were when Niall made a few deliveries of milk and wool around the town, having stocked up during the week before. He was nearing the end of his stock of wool, already dreading the backbreaking work of shearing his flock that year. Because he couldn't afford to hire any help, he had to shear the whole flock by himself; the sheer amount of effort it required always put him out of commission for anything other than basic farm work for at least a week.

Selling his flock's milk kept him afloat throughout the year, since his was the only sheep farm in the county and sheep milk sold at a higher price than cow or goat. Every so often, an offer to buy the farm would come along but he always turned it down.

Even if some days left him wanting nothing more than to turn his back on the farm, his father, and everything he'd ever known, he never could. Deep in his heart, he loved what he did and he honestly had no idea what he'd do otherwise.

"Howsit, Pez?" he greeted Perrie as he stepped through the door of Liam's shop. "Liam around?"

"Out back with Angus, arguing about some other delivery, as usual." Perrie rolled her blue eyes but smiled at Niall. "Want me to get him?"

"Nah, not if he's busy. You're easy enough to deal with." He smiled as he carted their usual order over to the counter. Perrie slid off her stool as she quickly tied her platinum blonde hair back in a ponytail and walked around to help him, even though he normally refused. Niall averted his eyes when she leaned over to pick up one of the boxes, the cut of her top revealing much more than Niall wanted to see. He'd never mentioned the fact that it made him a little uncomfortable, even after she'd called him out on it. He'd just laughed awkwardly and rambled about how his mum taught him to treat every girl like a lady (which was very much the truth) until she'd made a soft squeal of approval and pulled him into a hug.

Even if it hadn't stopped her from wearing revealing clothing, at least it stopped her from rolling her eyes when Niall looked away.

"Missed you at the pub last night," she said as she started to put the items away. "Zayn said you'd just left when I got in."

"Yeah," Niall answered quietly. "Had to take my Da home."

He didn't acknowledge the sad look Perrie gave him, because he'd seen it too many times to even count. Instead he continued handing her cartons and changed the subject.

"Kicked Liam's arse at dominoes again. Should've seen him."

"He told me he almost won! That cheeky bastard." Perrie laughed and Niall smiled.

"He was close to, kind of." Perrie looked at him and he shrugged. "Alright, not even a little."

"One of these days I'll beat you and you'll be singing a different tune." Both Perrie and Niall turned to see Liam standing behind them, neither knowing how long he'd been standing there.

"I'll buy the whole pub a round, yeah?" Niall replied.

"Better make sure I'm there, then," Perrie added with a grin.

"D'you even know how to play dominoes, Pez?" Liam asked as he took a carton out of her arms. She rolled her eyes again, going back to her stool behind the counter while she watched the two of them unload the rest of Niall's delivery. She let out a dramatic sigh as she tugged her hair out of the elastic, letting it fall back down across her shoulders before propping her chin in the palm of her hand as she leaned forward on the counter.

"Niall keeps saying he'll teach me, but…"

"I would if you showed up at the pub before midnight," Niall replied.

"Sorry I have a life outside of this shop and the pub," she retorted with a grin. "Maybe next Friday, yeah?"

"Yeah, sure." It was Niall's turn to roll his eyes.

"S'what you said last week," Liam added.

"Excuse you," Perrie said, " _both_ of you. I had important places to be last night, I'll have you know."

"Right," Liam winked at Niall knowingly. "Out with Jesy again causing trouble?"

"Shut it," Perrie snapped, biting back a smile. "Just so happens that Jesy and I found out who bought the place across from Niall's farm."

"Oh yeah?" Niall said. "And who's that?"

"Well, I don't know his name-" Liam and Niall cut her off with laughter, as Perrie was always giving them half the information she promised. " _But_ , he's apparently loaded. Like, Queen of England loaded."

"No shit?" Liam asked. "What's he buying property in Ireland for?"

"Same reason you limey gits are here," Niall replied with a chuckle. "Because you're all bleedin' mad."

Liam laughed but Perrie simply ignored the both of them and continued talking.

"Anyway, he's some famous photographer or some shit. Quite good, from what I've heard but I can't be arsed to remember his name."

"Can't be all that famous if _you_ don't know him," Liam replied with a smirk.

"Sod off," Perrie retorted.

"Oi, remember who signs your cheques, yeah?" Niall rolled his eyes as Liam and Perrie kept bickering, like they always did. Honestly it was a wonder that more people didn't mistake the two of them for a couple, though everyone in town knew everyone else's business so there really weren't too many things to speculate anymore.

"Right, well, I'm off." Niall was barely heard over Perrie and Liam's voices, but he didn't mind. He backed up and out of the shop, dragging his trolley along the pavement back to his truck.

As he drove around town for the rest of his deliveries, Niall let his mind wander. He normally wasn't the type to daydream, not even when he was roaming the fields of the farm alongside the sheep and dogs. But there was something about the news of a newcomer that brought all sorts of new thoughts to his mind.

The memories of when Liam and Zayn had first moved to Whitegate flooded back, along with when Perrie had popped up as well. Until they'd come along, Niall had been a bit of a loner. The nearest school was two towns over, and his parents needed his help on the farm more than he cared to go to school.

What he needed to know, his mother taught him. And really, he didn't need to know much else outside of how to run things on the farm and basic common courtesy. He didn't really mind that he was considered dimwitted by those who had actually finished school, mainly because schooling or no he was still the best damn dominoes player in town.

Niall smiled at the thought of the game from the previous night. His mother had been the one to teach him to play dominoes, back when he was having a bit of trouble with basic math. His heart swelled a bit at the thought of his mother, and he inhaled deeply.

 _Still hurts_ , he thought to himself. Not that he expected the pain to go away, but he'd rather like to think of his mother from time to time and not feel like he was going to have a heart attack.

It was times like those that he more or less understood why his father drank as much as he did. Niall's way of dealing with the pain was to simply not think about it, whereas his father drank until he couldn't feel anything at all.

To each his own, or so they say. Any way Niall looked at it, he knew that it wasn't healthy to avoid the reality of it all as they did. But most days, he really couldn't be bothered to care because he had enough on his plate without worrying about his own mental health.

His last stop on his delivery route was the local church. Niall's mother had a longstanding friendship with Father Riley, and Niall felt he owed it to her to visit him whenever he could. He'd always bring along a ball of yarn made from his sheep's wool, because he knew Father Riley enjoyed knitting in his spare time.

Even though Niall had stopped coming to Sunday mass after his mother died, Father Riley always took special care in making sure Niall knew he'd be welcomed with open arms whenever he decided to return. Niall appreciated it, though he didn't expect to return any time soon, if ever.

"Mind if I stay for a bit?" he asked softly after he'd passed the yarn to Father Riley.

"Of course, Niall." He smiled warmly and gestured to the whole of the church. "You're always welcome here."

"Ta, Father." Niall nodded his head as Father Riley left his side. Niall sank into one of the pews, leaning his arms on the smooth, polished surface of the row in front of him. He closed his eyes as he rested his head on his arms, breathing in and out slowly as his mind drifted back to all the times he'd come to this same church with his mother.

After about ten minutes of sitting in silence, Niall lifted his head up and stared ahead. It wasn't until he heard a faint click that he even noticed that he wasn't the only one in the church.

Niall turned his head, looking around for the source of the noise when his eyes landed on a figure standing at the back of the pews with a long, dark coat that fell to his mid-calf with a collar pushed high around his neck and a camera held over one eye. He only noticed Niall staring at him when he lowered the camera and he offered a smile.

"What're you doing?" It took Niall a moment to realize that the voice he'd heard was his own, the words coming out without him really meaning them to.

"Taking pictures," the stranger replied, still smiling as he held his camera up. Niall nodded his head, turning his back on the peculiar curly-haired man that had interrupted his peace and quiet.

It wasn't long before he heard the soft padding of footsteps coming towards him, and he peered to his right to see the boy stumble a bit before settling himself down in the pew directly across the aisle. Niall raised an eyebrow, mildly amused at the fact that this stranger apparently had little to no control over his long, gangly legs.

"What're you doing?" he asked, turning his head and brushing some of his brown curls away from his face to look at Niall. It was then that Niall noticed his accent sounded less like his own and more like Liam's, though there was enough of a difference that made Niall wonder what could possibly have brought this person to Whitegate of all places. As Niall's eyes met the startlingly bright green ones of the stranger, he immediately turned his head back towards the front of the church and breathed out a silent sigh.

"Innit obvious?" Niall shrugged his shoulders, keeping his eyes locked on the cross before him as he struggled to remember one of the many repentance prayers his mother had taught him ages ago. "I'm Irish, after all."

"What's that got to do with it?" he snorted.

"Irish? Catholic? No?" Niall shrugged again as he stood up and walked towards the aisle, pointedly not making any further eye contact with this curious man. "Forget it, then."

As he walked towards the door, he heard the distinct click of the camera shutter again but he didn't turn around. He had more important things to do with the rest of his day than sit around in some old, drafty church. Especially not with some strange Englishman who couldn't go two minutes without taking a bloody picture.

*

Niall pushed away all thoughts of the man he'd encountered in the church, because he really did have a number of other things to think about. He holed himself up in the barn once he returned to the farm, distracting his mind by spinning wool into yarn all afternoon.

Normally he saved spinning for Sundays, but he'd more or less decided to again try his hand at dyeing the yarn the following day. He'd been successful the first few tries with the red dye, although his hands were spectacularly pink for days after.

The real issue came when he'd tried blue, mainly because he'd ended up tipping the dye over and spilling most of it on himself. It hadn't done much damage to his jeans because they were old enough that he didn't really care, but the dye soaked through and stained his skin.

It was moments like those that made Niall thankful he didn't live with anyone except for his three dogs. They wouldn't care if Niall dyed himself bright green as long as he was still able to feed and love them.

He was very careful to keep the dogs away from the dye, because he knew if he'd already made the mistake of spilling it on himself then there was an even bigger chance that he'd end up with multicolored pups.

Niall found the spinning process soothing. He was thankful for it, especially after his attempt at finding solace in the church had been sabotaged. Niall chuckled to himself, shaking his head slightly to rid his mind of the curly-haired stranger.

He snapped out of his thoughts when he heard the sound of not one but all three of his dogs barking up a storm. Niall immediately jumped up and ran out to the pasture, praying that he wasn't about to find them in the midst of a fight with a fox or something far worse.

As he came closer to where the three dogs were gathered near the far side of the fence, he noticed that there was an unfamiliar figure crouching close to the ground. He shouted, calling the dogs off once he realized that it was a girl who was visibly terrified along with a tiny white Pomeranian that was yipping its head off.

"Oi, back off!" Niall whistled, snapping his fingers to get all three to come to him and give the poor girl a moment's peace.

Max and Ringo came bounding over to him, looking very pleased with themselves while Woofsevelt slowly shuffled behind. Niall sighed heavily, rubbing his eyes before he commanded them all to return to the sheep. The small Pomeranian kept growling at them until they were all out of sight, but it didn't seem to approve of Niall either.

 _Shite_ , Niall thought to himself as he stared at the girl on the ground before him. His dogs were hardly ferocious, but she looked shaken enough to make Niall feel incredibly guilty.

"Sorry," he said as he cautiously stepped forward, offering his hand to help her up despite her dog growling again. "They're harmless, really."

"Could've fooled me," she snapped, grimacing at the fact that she was covered in mud. She looked up at Niall and sighed softly, her dark brown eyes giving him a half-irritated, half-thankful look as she took his hand.

"Protective," he offered. "Y'know, of the farm and all that."

"Because we're obviously a threat," she grumbled. "Stiles, shut it!" she snapped at her tiny companion, trying to wipe the mud from her sweater and trousers but failing as her hands were also caked with it. The dog went silent, but kept staring at Niall.

"You are technically trespassing," Niall said with a small smile, hoping that she was going to realize that he didn't really mind. He wasn't sure if he'd ever seen a less-threatening person in his life.

"Sorry," she muttered. "Thought there might be a shortcut into town."

Niall chortled, shaking his head at the very idea of anyone needing a shortcut into the town. "Stick to the road next time, yeah?"

She finally looked into his eyes, and her features softened as she held out her hand. "I'm Gemma."

"Niall," he replied, shaking her hand despite the mud. She seemed to have forgotten about it until he wiped the mud off on his own jeans and she let out an embarrassed laugh.

"Sorry, I'm an absolute mess." She reached up to push her blonde hair out of her face, already having forgotten about the mud. She grimaced and Niall tried his best not to let out a laugh.

"S'alright," Niall replied. "Comes with the territory." They stayed silent for a moment as Gemma again tried to clean off her hands.

"You can- If you want-" Niall gestured to the barn behind him. "Y'know, wash your hands and all that."

"Thanks," Gemma said with a small smile, gently calling her dog to follow. Niall led the way across the pasture, careful to keep an eye out for more mud. Gemma followed, waiting silently as he gathered up the hose he normally used to fill up the water troughs and his bath.

"Sorry," he said after she winced as the icy cold water splashed over her hands. "Only got the one temperature, I'm afraid."

"It's alright," Gemma said with a soft laugh, shaking her hands once she'd cleaned the mud off. She leaned down to pick up Stiles, gently washing his paws despite the fact that he was squirming in her arms the whole time.

"So, did your car break down or summat?" he asked once he'd put the hose away.

"Nah, haven't got one." Gemma let out a sharp breath as Stiles nipped at her face and Niall raised an eyebrow. "I mean, I've got one but not here and-" she cut herself off, closing her eyes and putting Stiles back down as she tried to gather her thoughts.

"Don't hurt yourself," Niall said with a soft snort as he watched Stiles run around them, obviously no longer finding Niall a threat.

"Sorry," Gemma said with a firm shake of her head. "I just need to get to town. Could you help me?"

"Uh, y-yeah. Sure."

As normal as the day had begun, it was turning into one of the strangest days Niall had ever had. The short drive into town was spent in silence, apart from Gemma apologizing for getting mud on his seat and Stiles occasionally whining. Niall said it was fine, mainly because he honestly didn't care. Apart from his dogs, the only other person who usually sat in that seat was his father and he couldn't care less if his father sat in mud.

"Here's fine," Gemma said just as they drove past the first row of shops. Niall pulled over, and the two were practically out the door before the truck even came to a full stop.

"Thanks," she said as she slammed the door behind her.

"Nice meeting you," Niall mumbled under his breath to her back. He shook his head a few times before turning his truck around and heading back to the farm.

He had half a mind to spend the night in the shack with the dogs so as to avoid any further weird situations he may find himself in. But in the back of his mind he knew that if he didn't show up to the pub that Zayn would send Liam looking for him.

After he'd finished setting the sheep up for the night and had locked the barn door behind him, Niall leaned against it for a minute and closed his eyes. He opened them again after Ringo started whining at his feet, and he stared down at the three pups circling him.

"What? Can't have a moment to meself?" Ringo yipped in response and Niall chuckled before he led the three of them towards the shack. He fed them dinner, making a quick cup of tea for himself while he waited for them to finish.

Niall had decided not to bring any of the pups to the pub with him tonight, even though he knew Zayn's dog Coco would whine about being alone all night. Trying to get out of the door without letting any of the three out was always a challenge, because no matter how obedient they were during the day it seemed that they forgot everything they'd been taught the second the barn door closed for the night.

After a good fifteen minutes of chasing Max around to get him back into the shack, Niall was finally able to set off towards the pub. He decided to forego taking the truck, telling himself it was to save petrol when in reality if he didn't drive then he wouldn't feel guilty about drinking a bit more.

He arrived at the pub later than he normally would've, but his usual stool was left open for him. Moments after sliding on top of it, Zayn appeared in front of him with a pint.

"Cheers," Niall said as he took a big gulp. Zayn leaned on the bar and watched Niall with a curious look that made him a little uncomfortable.

"What?" he asked, setting his glass back down and staring back at Zayn in confusion.

"Jesy popped by and said she saw you with a blonde earlier. Care to explain?"

"A blonde?" Niall blinked, remembering Gemma. "Oh, yeah- wh- wait, why do I have to explain?"

"Because Zayn is a terrible gossip, s'why." Niall turned to see Liam standing behind him, and he vaguely wondered how long he'd been standing there.

"Well in that case, I'm certainly not explaining." Liam sat down onto the stool next to him, and Niall took another long sip from his glass and ignored the way Zayn's eyes widened in the most ridiculous puppy dog look he'd ever seen.

Niall raised his eyebrows as he put his glass back down, swallowing down his beer before smiling widely at Zayn.

"Nice try, Zayn. That works on Liam, eh?" He glanced sideways at Liam, who was determined not to meet his eye.

"No comment."

"Ugh, you're the worst, Niall." Zayn huffed as she turned her back on the pair of them, heading to the other side of the bar to ignore them as she served the other patrons.

Liam didn't press the topic, instead turning the conversation to the weather. Niall chuckled, thankful that he would always be able to count on Liam for his terrible yet effective attempts at diffusing tension.

The night progressed rather normally, various townsfolk wandering in and out of the pub while Niall and Liam stayed in their usual spot. Perrie and Jesy waltzed in, immediately draping themselves on the two men despite their protests.

Just as he had to do earlier in the day, Niall found himself in the uneasy situation of having to turn his attention away from the two girls. They were both dressed in outfits that were far too short to be considered proper attire for the season, not to mention far too fancy for a simple night at the pub. Niall had no idea who they were trying to impress, but as always he hoped it wasn't him.

"Niall, love," Jesy said as she laid her head on his shoulder, her dark hair falling across her face. "When are you going to run away with me?"

"Shouldn't he be asking you that?" Liam remarked with a smirk.

"Sick of waiting," Jesy replied as she stuck her tongue out at Liam.

"Jesy, my love," Niall said as he turned on his stool and wrapped his arms around her in a hug. He gently brushed her hair back behind her ear and tried not to feel guilty about the cautiously hopeful look in her hazel eyes. "There's hardly room for me in my bed with the three pups, let alone you as well."

Perrie and Liam burst into laughter as Jesy's jaw dropped and she scoffed. Niall beamed at her and she pushed her hand against his face as she extracted herself from his arms and buried her face in Perrie's shoulder.

"Wanker," she grumbled, though Niall could see a hint of a smile.

"Still love you, Jesy."

"Sod off, Horan." Jesy was full on grinning now and Niall turned back to his glass, seeing it was empty.

"Zayn!" he called down to the other end of the bar.

"What?" Zayn called over her shoulder.

"Another!" Liam laughed as Zayn turned around and stuck up two fingers in response. "Don't make me do it meself!"

"Do it and I'll set Coco on you!" Niall chuckled as he looked down at Coco, who was curled up on her bed. He'd never seen her so much as growl at another living thing; the idea that she'd leave the comfort of her bed for anything but a treat was farfetched, to say the least.

Niall opened his mouth to say something else but paused when the door to the pub opened and two vaguely familiar figures walked in. Niall normally didn't notice when people came in and out of the pub, but their conversation was what caught his attention.

"For fuck's sake, Haz, I'm not a bloody invalid!"

"I didn't say you were!"

"No, but you're treating me like one!" They only stopped bickering when they realized the whole of the pub was now staring at them. "What're you looking at?"

"Gem!"

Niall blinked, recognizing the same strange boy from the church earlier with Gemma, the blonde he'd helped get into town. He noticed that he was wearing the same dark coat as he'd had on earlier in the day, but Gemma had obviously changed out of the muddied clothes she'd been wearing before. It wasn't much of a change, one sweater and pair of jeans to another, and some distant part of Niall's mind wondered if any girl ever actually dressed appropriately for the weather. Even Zayn had her fair share of questionable outfits, though Niall suspected that Liam had quite a bit to do with it.

The dull roar of conversation from the other pub patrons started up again as Gemma let her companion pull her to a booth on the other side of the room.

Niall sunk back down on his stool, his quest to get Zayn to bring him another pint forgotten. Liam, Perrie and Jesy turned back to Niall, acting as though they hadn't just been staring down the strangers in their pub.

"That's the blonde," Jesy said to Perrie. Her eyes widened and she looked at Niall, who was staring at the bar in front of him.

"Nialler, do you know her?" Perrie asked.

"Nope," Niall answered. For all intents and purposes, he didn't know her at all. She'd just been some strange girl who fell in the mud on his farm, after all.

"Not from around here, then?" Liam asked as he glanced over his shoulder at the pair before turning back to Niall with a curious look.

"Brilliant observation, Payne." Jesy punched him lightly on the arm and Liam pretended to wince. Niall only looked up when Zayn put a fresh glass down in front of him. He offered a half-smile, which Zayn returned as she once again leaned on the bar in front of Niall.

"What, now you'll serve me?" Zayn mimed punching Niall's jaw but smiled fondly.

"Looks like you could use that."

"Just been a weird day, is all." Niall shrugged his shoulders as he brought the glass up to his lips, hoping that Zayn wouldn't press the subject again.

Niall was able to keep quiet for a while, vaguely listening to the conversation going on beside him as he sipped at his drink. He was snapped out of his thoughts when the pub went quiet again as Gemma strode out of the pub, her curly-haired cohort at her heels.

"She's a bundle of fun," Jesy commented. Perrie snickered before returning to their previous conversation. Niall turned to join in, glancing at the door quickly and immediately wishing he hadn't when he saw his father.

"Fuck," he grumbled under his breath as he quickly slid off his stool and strode over, catching his father before he stumbled.

"Get off," he growled as he pushed Niall back.

"Calm down, Da." Niall sighed softly, letting his father push him away but still stepping forward to catch him when he faltered on his feet.

"I said, get off!" Niall dodged his father's swing as he had so many times before, hooking his arms under his father's when gravity turned on him. Niall glanced over his shoulder, seeing his friends watching him with worried looks and immediately feeling ashamed.

"Guess I'm off, then," he said as he lugged his father back through the door, not giving anyone a chance to protest.

It was nights like these when Niall regretted not bringing the truck, because now he was stuck with the task of dragging his father all the way back to the farm by himself.

As they both stumbled out onto the street, Niall did his best to tune out his father's drunken rambling. It was usually filled with insults and cursing, and Niall found it was easier for him to sleep at night if he didn't listen to a word his father said.

What Niall hadn't expected was to intrude on a similar conversation occurring just down the street from the pub. He tried not to eavesdrop, he really did, but his alternative would only crush what was left of his spirit in the end.

"I didn't ask you to buy it, did I?" Gemma yelled.

"But I did! I did this for you, Gemma!"

"I didn't fucking want you to! Why the hell would anyone want to live here, Haz?"

"You're better off here than back with-"

"Jesus Christ, Harry, don't start!"

"I'm not starting anything, I'm-" Niall froze as the man, _Harry_ , noticed him passing by with his father. He tried to keep his eyes on the ground and he prayed that the two of them couldn't hear what his father was muttering.

"Haz, wha-" Gemma turned, seeing Niall as well and giving him a cold look.

"D'you need help?" Harry called out when Niall had finally passed by.

"Fine, thanks," Niall called back, willing his legs to move faster even under the weight of his father. Niall knew getting up the following morning was going to be difficult given the way his legs already were starting to ache.

If the physical pain wasn't enough, the hateful words spilling from his father's mouth were enough to knock Niall down for the count. His face felt hot from embarrassment, and he briefly debated leaving his father in the ditch on the side of the road.

Niall hated it. He hated his father, he hated himself; he hated having to hide so much of his life from everyone just to make it through the day. _No matter_ , he thought to himself. _It's all useless anyway._

He couldn't see the use in complaining about his life when there was nothing he could do to change it.

*

When the early morning light flooded the small shack on Sunday, Niall felt like he hadn't slept a wink all night. Regretfully he roused himself from his bed and shuffled about through his routine, but even the dogs could sense that he wasn't himself.

He forced himself to focus solely on the tasks at hand, blocking every other thought from his mind for as long as he could. Thankfully, it lasted long enough that he was able to get through his morning duties.

It wasn't until Niall realized he had absolutely zero interest in attempting dyeing the wool that he started to crumble. He headed out to the pasture to spend some time with the dogs and sheep, hoping that the fresh air would do his head some good.

He walked across the fields, Woofsevelt tagging along slowly while Ringo and Max played a game with the sheep, despite the fact that the sheep had no interest whatsoever in playing along.

Niall settled underneath a tree on the far side of the property, leaning back and closing his eyes as Woofsevelt curled up next to him.

His mind drifted to the night before, and he felt a wave of shame wash over him as he thought about the scene his father had caused. He hated that he still let his father get to him after all this time, but he couldn't see any way to get himself to stop caring.

The excessive drinking had started when Niall's mother had fallen ill, and only got progressively worse the weaker she became. Niall had tried his best to stay positive, hoping and praying that if his mother got better then his father would too. But all the prayers in the world couldn't save his mother, and deep down Niall knew that.

After the funeral was when the real problems started, because up until then Niall's father would just get rip-roaring drunk and pass out. Niall attributed it to not being able to handle his own grief, but that all changed one night when Niall was helping his father to bed.

Niall's whole world crashed down around him for the second time that year when his father outright blamed him for his mother's death.

"You killed her," he slurred. "She couldn't live with having a faggot for a son."

That was the night Niall moved into the shack. And since then, he'd endured more hatred from his father than he ever thought possible.

Sometimes, usually on particularly bad nights with his father's drunken rampages, Niall told himself _this is the last time_. But something deep down in his heart wouldn't let him turn his back on his father, even if it meant he had to listen to "you're no son of mine" for the rest of his life.

But there had been something about the night before that had made everything worse. Niall racked his brain trying to figure out why he was having such a hard time coping with it this time, but he just kept coming up short.

Desperate for comfort, Niall buried his face in Woofsevelt's soft, tan fur. He let out a light laugh when the dog rolled over and started licking his face.

"You always know how to cheer me up," he murmured softly as he gently held Woofsevelt's head in his hands. Woofsevelt nipped at Niall's nose in response, whining softly until he let go.

Niall sighed deeply as he scanned the field before him, taking note of both Max and Ringo before he spotted a figure near the fence. It was a wonder that the dogs hadn't noticed yet, especially given the way they'd gone after Gemma and her tiny dog the day before.

He squinted to try and see if he recognized who it was, catching a flicker of light off the camera in the figure's hands. Niall froze for a moment, realizing he knew exactly who it was.

"Don't these people bloody know how to follow a road?" he grumbled to Woofsevelt as he got to his feet and headed in Harry's direction.

Harry continued to take pictures until Niall was practically standing right in front of him with crossed arms and a disapproving look on his face.

"What d'you think you're doing?" he asked, causing Harry to lower his camera and smile sheepishly. Niall felt his resolve crumble ever so slightly at the look in Harry's piercing green eyes, but he willed himself to stay as angry as he could.

"Sorry," he replied. "I was walking along and saw your farm, and-"

"And what?" Niall interrupted. "Thought you'd trespass just like your girlfriend?"

"No, I-" Harry blinked. "What?"

"The girl you were at the pub with last night, she fell in the mud here yesterday and she and her sodding dog caused quite a bit of trouble for me." Niall was lying, but for some reason he didn't really care. He was now more than mildly annoyed with having to deal with a stranger on his land for the second day in a row.

"That explains…" Harry mumbled under his breath, trailing off. "But she's not-"

"Look, mate, I don't care. Maybe you can wander around and take pictures of whatever you like where you're from, but _here_ you're disrupting my flock and trespassing."

"I didn't- I'm sorry if I-"

"Just go, alright?" Niall sighed heavily and turned his back on Harry, ignoring his further apologies.

By the time Niall's guilt had caught up with him he was halfway across the field. He turned around and started making his way back towards where Harry had been, but when he finally picked his eyes up off the ground he saw that Harry was already gone.

"Shit," Niall grumbled, running his hands through his hair and tugging roughly before dropping his hands to his sides in defeat.

He really hadn't meant to go off on Harry like that, despite the fact that it felt right at the time. Niall was usually much better about treating people with the same level of civility and kindness that he wanted to receive, but the mishap with his father the night before had gotten him into a state he wasn't familiar with.

Even though he wasn't sure if he'd ever even see Harry again after the way he'd treated him, Niall made a promise to himself that he'd apologize. His heart ached when his mind retrieved an old memory of something his mother had told him long ago.

"Never be too proud to apologize. You never know what a simple apology will bring."

Despite the fact that she'd been trying to teach him about how to treat girls and Niall was having none of it at the time, the words still stuck with him. Everything his mother had ever told him stuck with him in one way or another, even if he didn't understand the meaning at first.

There had been quite a few times since her death that Niall had wished that his father had died instead of her, and with the way he was feeling at that moment he couldn't help but wish it again.

Niall curled up under the tree again, though this time Woofsevelt didn't lie down with him. He thrust the heels of his hands against his eyes as he held back a sob, cursing himself for falling to pieces at the drop of a hat.

He knew what his father had said wasn't true; he knew that his mother loved him too much to give up on him. He also knew that he hadn't been the reason she'd gotten sick in the first place, but that didn't stop him from feeling guilty about not telling her before she was on her deathbed.

There were a lot of things in Niall's life that made him feel guilty, but he tried his best to hide them all away and keep a brave face. It had been easy at first, but as time went on and the list got longer, Niall was having a harder and harder time of keeping it all together.

*

Almost a full week went by before Niall saw Harry again, not that Niall had been expecting to. The small town of Whitegate was filled with gossipmongers, and it hadn't taken long at all for the story of Harry and Gemma's small spat to reach everyone's ears.

Niall was not among them, despite having Zayn as one of his best friends. He did his best to avoid gossip at all costs, mainly because he thought it was ridiculous but also because he knew full well how many lives could be and had been ruined by something so trivial as a piece of information misheard.

He'd nearly allowed himself to stop feeling guilty until the following Friday night, during a spectacular round of dominoes. Liam was already sulking from having lost the first round, and Niall was trying his best not to gloat – really, he was.

Niall was in a fantastic mood that night, and he honestly couldn't remember the last time he'd been that happy. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a voice gently told him he could allow himself to be this happy more often if he'd just let go. If he could just let himself finally share some of his burdens, then he'd be happy.

But Niall wasn't listening to that voice, because he never did. He just brushed it off and told himself he was happy because he hadn't had to deal with his father's drunken act in a day or two and the farm wasn't as behind in bills as he thought.

He could handle the mild pitiful looks from Zayn when she gave Niall free food at the pub or from Liam when he brought groceries by and told Niall not to worry about paying him back. Niall wasn't sure if he could handle the looks on their faces if they knew everything, even though keeping secrets from his best friends in the world was slowly starting to wear him down.

None of this was on Niall's mind at the moment, mainly because he'd been able to play his whole hand of dominoes on his first turn and he was reveling in the astonished look on Liam's face.

"No!" Liam groaned. "No, no, no! You can't!"

"Sorry, mate. Just did." Niall grinned. Liam groaned again as he started counting up the score from his dominoes, begrudgingly giving Niall his points. Niall continued grinning as he reached down and fed Max a chip from his plate, despite the fact that Zayn had been chastising him for doing exactly that not ten minutes before.

"You're going to make him sick!" Zayn's voice carried from the other end of the bar and Niall shrugged his shoulders.

"Dunno what you're talking about," he called back before looking down at Max. "Stop ratting me out, mutt."

Max eagerly licked Niall's fingers of all remnants of chips before he waddled back to where Woofsevelt and Ringo were curled up with Coco. Niall hadn't planned on bringing all three dogs to the pub with him, but he couldn't stand the sad looks he received when he only chose one.

"Bloody…massive…dogs," Zayn grumbled as she stepped over all four of them as she made her way towards Liam and Niall.

"You love them," Liam replied in a cheery tone despite his bottom lip being pulled down in a pout.

"I'd love them more if their owner wasn't such a tosser."

"And a cheater," Liam grumbled. "Twenty points are you fucking kidding me?"

"Love you, Liam." Niall grinned. Liam rolled his eyes and turned to Zayn.

"I think I'm going to need another drink before the next round."

"Coming up, love." Zayn leaned forward to brush her lips lightly against Liam's before turning around to get him another drink. Niall propped his head up on his arm and watched Liam watching Zayn work, a fond smile on his face.

"Honestly, the sight of you two. It's a wonder either of you ever get anything done."

"Sod off, Niall." Liam's tone was nowhere near harsh, not that Niall would've taken it to heart in the first place given the smile on Liam's face. Niall opened his mouth to say something else, but he paused when he felt a hand on his shoulder and heard a familiar voice in his ear.

"Hiya boys. Finish the game already?" Niall turned to see Jade standing behind him, smiling brightly despite her obvious exhaustion as she placed two to-go containers on the bar. She wiped her hands off on the apron tied around her waist before tugging at the collar of her t-shirt and trying to cool herself down.

"Taking a break," Liam answered as Zayn came back with a fresh drink.

"Liam needs time to heal his bruised ego," Niall said with a laugh. "Howsit back there?"

Jade rolled her eyes, brushing away some of her dark hair that had come loose from her ponytail and fallen into her face. "Y'know, busy as ever." She turned to Zayn. "Here's the call-in order, yeah?"

"Yeah," Zayn answered with a nod. Niall looked at the boxes in front of him and raised an eyebrow.

"Since when do you lot do takeaway?"

"Since we were asked nicely," Jade replied, punching Niall in the arm.

"And hopefully well-tipped for our trouble," Zayn added. Jade's brown eyes lit up as she laughed in response, cracking her knuckles quickly as she let out a soft sigh.

"Well, back to work. See you lot later, yeah?"

"Later," Niall replied, Liam echoing as Jade trudged back to the kitchen. Niall reached out towards the boxes, quickly retracting his hand when Zayn smacked it.

"Hands off, Horan."

"But I'm hungry."

"Maybe if you didn't feed Max all your chips, you wouldn't be." Niall frowned for a moment, shrugging his shoulders slightly as he wrapped his hand around his half-empty glass in front of him.

"Probably right," he mumbled into his glass as he tipped it back. Zayn rolled her eyes, turning her head in the direction of the door as she heard it open. Liam followed Zayn's gaze, clearing his throat and suddenly sliding off his stool once he saw who entered.

"Back in a minute, yeah?" he mumbled to Niall before heading off in the direction of the loo. Niall stared after him in confusion for a minute, looking at Zayn for an explanation before he laid eyes on who Liam had seen.

Harry was walking towards him, having caught Zayn's eye and been waved over. Niall nervously tapped his fingers along the side of his glass, a thousand and one apologies flooding his brain as Harry slid onto Liam's vacated stool.

Niall barely registered what Harry and Zayn said to each other, only snapping out of his thoughts when Zayn turned her back and left the two alone together.

"Hi," Harry said with a polite nod in Niall's direction.

"I'm sorry," Niall blurted out. Harry turned towards him with a slightly confused look, and Niall cursed himself. "For the other day, I mean. Sorry."

"For what?" Harry asked.

"For…being an arsehole, I guess. It was rude, and I'm sorry." Harry let out a laugh and Niall felt a small smile tug at the corner of his mouth. He fought the reaction by biting his bottom lip and trying to look anywhere but at Harry's own smile.

"Nah, don't be sorry. I was trespassing after all."

"Yeah but…" Niall trailed off and shrugged, sparing a quick look at Zayn before he spoke again. "I dunno. I overreacted."

"Honestly, it's alright." Harry smiled. "I totally understand."

"Yeah, well," Niall cleared his throat as he noticed Zayn starting to head back towards them. "I-If you want to come 'round again for your pictures or whatever, feel free, yeah?"

"Yeah? Really?" Harry said, his smile growing brighter as Zayn returned with his change. "That'd be incredible."

"What'd be incredible?" Zayn asked, looking pointedly at Niall.

"None of your business, innit?" Niall replied. Zayn rolled her eyes, taking a few steps away but staying close enough that she could listen in if she wanted to. Niall didn't even have to wonder to know that Zayn wanted to.

"Here, um-" Harry scrambled to fish a pen out of his pocket, flipping his receipt over and pushing it towards Niall. "Give me your number, yeah? That way we can plan a time for me to come by."

"Oh…uh…" Niall cleared his throat awkwardly as he pushed the scrap of paper back towards Harry. "Haven't got one."

"Haven't…got…" Harry blinked. "Hang on, you haven't got a phone?"

"Nope." Niall turned his eyes to the bar, hoping they wouldn't give away the fact he was lying. The farmhouse had a phone, which he knew that Zayn knew as well, but if there was one thing he did not need it was some strange boy calling and having his father answer. Niall just had to hope that Zayn would keep her big mouth shut and let Niall keep living yet another lie.

"How the hell do you not have a phone?" Harry asked with a laugh. Niall shrugged his shoulders, staring down at his drink as he avoided both Harry and Zayn's eyes.

"Doesn't matter. Just come 'round sometime, yeah?"

"Absolutely." Harry grabbed the two boxes from off the bar and smiled at Niall again, extending his hand. "Nice meeting you…?"

"Niall." He hesitated for a moment before shaking Harry's hand.

"Niall," Harry repeated. "Nice to meet you. I'm Harry."

"Charmed," Niall replied with a side smile. Harry's smile grew impossibly large as he slid back off of Liam's stool, offering a quick wave to Zayn before taking one more look at Niall.

Niall quickly turned back to his drink, avoiding looking at anything except his glass until the pub's door shut behind Harry. He didn't have to look up to know that Zayn was smirking at him, and he grumbled under his breath as Liam sat back down next to him.

"Did I miss anything?"

"You could say that," Zayn replied, still smirking.

"Fuck off, the both of you." Niall, still refusing to look at anyone, chugged the rest of his drink and tried to think about something, _anything_ other than the fluttery feeling in the pit of his stomach.

*

Niall honestly didn't expect to see Harry the next day. It was quite possible that he'd forgotten what he'd said the night before, even after hours of good-natured but still irritating jokes from both Zayn and Liam. He'd managed to avoid the teasing from Perrie and Jesy, mainly because he ducked out right quick just after Zayn saw them come in.

In fact, it was entirely their fault that Niall even ran into Harry. He was purposefully leaving his delivery to Liam's store for last, which made him stop by the church with Father Riley's yarn nearly an hour earlier than he normally would.

He only stayed for a few minutes, sitting quietly in one of the pews in the hopes that it would bring him some peace of mind. But the fact was, he really couldn't afford to leave milk sitting out in his truck for very long, even on a brisk day in April.

Niall rose from the pew, crossing himself quickly as he headed for the door. Just as he went to push it open, it was pulled back and Niall found himself face to face with Harry.

"Hi, Niall." A wide smile broke across Harry's face, and Niall found himself staring dumbly back at him.

"Hi," he mumbled back.

"Looks like I didn't need your number anyway, huh?"

Niall surprised himself by laughing in response, feeling mildly astonished by the fact that he hadn't been blinded by Harry's bright smile. His mind raced, trying to think of something to say in return when he regained his senses and remembered why he was in such a hurry to leave the church in the first place.

"I've- uh, I've got to go." Niall tried to push his way past Harry, but stopped when a hand closed around his arm.

"Still okay for me to come by? Maybe later today?" Niall looked up from where Harry's long fingers were gripping his bicep and he swallowed harshly.

"Y-Yeah. Sure."

"Excellent." Harry's smile widened – seriously, how was that even possible – and he let go of Niall's arm. "See you later, then."

"Yeah," Niall repeated. "Later."

Niall quickly walked back to his truck, determined to not look back over his shoulder. Once he climbed into the cab, he shook his head a few times before starting the engine. As it roared to life, he allowed himself to glance in the rearview and saw Harry still standing by the door, watching him.

He cursed under his breath, pulling away from the church as fast as his truck would allow. By the time he pulled up in front of Liam's store, his hands ached from gripping the steering wheel so tightly.

"You're late," Perrie said with a sly grin as Niall shuffled in. Liam looked up, getting to his feet from where he was sitting between two aisles.

"Sorry," Niall mumbled, not meeting either of their eyes as he started to unload his trolley.

"You alright?" Liam asked, putting his hand on Niall's shoulder gently. Niall didn't mean to flinch and shrink away from Liam's touch, but he couldn't help it.

"Fine," he muttered. "Just…busy."

"Okay," Liam answered softly. He turned towards Perrie and nodded his head towards Niall. "C'mon, Pezza."

She quickly slid off her stool and rounded the counter, helping Liam unload Niall's trolley as quickly as they could. Niall straightened up and took a deep breath once they'd finished, still not looking directly at either of them.

"Niall," Perrie began cautiously. "You don't look well."

"I said I'm fine, yeah?" he snapped. As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted his tone. Perrie flinched, and Liam put his hand on Niall's shoulder again.

"What's wrong, Niall?"

"Nothing," he answered with a heavy sigh. "Just busy. And tired. Not getting enough sleep, probably." He offered a weak chuckle, hoping that Liam would accept it and move on.

"Why don't you stop and get a cuppa from Jesy?" Perrie offered. "She'd love to see you."

"Yeah, alright." Niall sighed again. "I'll see you later," he mumbled, turning to the door and tugging the trolley along behind him.

As soon as the door shut behind him, Liam turned to Perrie who stared back at him with the same worried look.

"Something's not right," Perrie said softly as she went back behind the counter.

"Definitely not," Liam replied. "I wish he wouldn't shut us all out."

*

Somewhat against his better judgment, Niall did stop by the small coffee shop a few doors down. He didn't see Jesy when he came in, but another familiar face greeted him warmly and offered him a smile. Niall did his best to return the sentiment, but truth be told he didn't feel much like smiling.

"Hi, Leigh-Anne," he said in a soft voice as he slowly approached the counter. She finished wiping down the espresso machine and toweled off her hands before leaning on the counter between them. She used the back of her hand to adjust her slightly foggy glasses before pushing some stray hairs were starting to come loose from her ponytail due to the excess steam from the machines.

"Want some coffee, Niall?" she asked as she pushed one of her sleeves further up her arm, the dark color of her skin contrasting brightly against the pale pink color of the counter. "Maybe something sweet for your pups?"

"Ta, that'd be grand." A genuine, though small, smile crept onto Niall's face at the mention of his dogs. He was touched that Leigh-Anne would think of them.

"Alright, I'll have it ready in a mo." Leigh-Anne smiled again before turning away from Niall to make up his order. Niall let out a soft sigh, choosing to sit in the chair nearest the door while he waited.

Jesy appeared from the back room a few minutes later, a wide smile spreading across her face once she noticed Niall. She abandoned her attempts at retying her apron as soon as she saw him, instead pulling it over her head and tossing it on the edge of the counter.

"Nialler! My love!" She quickly strode over to give him a hug, barely giving him a chance to get to his feet before she wrapped her arms around him tightly.

"Hiya, Jesy." Niall smiled faintly as her grip loosened.

"It's about time you came to visit. I was starting to think you didn't love us anymore." Jesy stuck out her bottom lip in a pout and Leigh-Anne snickered from behind the counter.

"Nah, just been busy." Niall shifted on his feet, starting to mildly regret coming into the shop. Jesy had the tendency of talking his ear off for hours at a time, which Niall rarely had the time for.

"Well can you stay for a bit? We missed you at the pub last night."

"Here you go, Niall." Leigh-Anne put his coffee and a brown paper bag filled with sweets on the counter, smiling at him again.

"How much?"

"Forget it," she answered. "You know better than that."

"Thanks," he replied softly, stepping forward to take them from the counter. "I'd love to stay, girls, but I've got a meeting back at the farm."

"A meeting?" Jesy asked, giving him an intrigued look. Niall cleared his throat, letting out a nervous laugh as he gripped the paper bag tighter.

"Yep. Gotta go," he mumbled as he quickly turned around and exited the shop, ignoring Jesy's pleas to stay.

Niall took a second to take a deep breath once he was back in his truck, thankful that neither of the girls had run out after him. _What is wrong with me_ , he thought to himself as he exhaled sharply and started up the truck.

He was usually much better at handling his emotions than he had been lately. Handling, hiding, whatever helped him to make it through another day.

He'd spent his life keeping secrets from those closest to him, even if he hadn't realized it until the day he confessed his deepest one to his mother. After her death, he vowed never to tell anyone again, even if that meant he'd spend his life alone.

 _Better off alone anyway_ , the voice in the back of his mind grumbled. Niall shook his head, trying his hardest to get that thought out of his head. He knew it wasn't true, but that didn't stop the voice from saying it over and over.

When he finally made it back to his farm, Niall shut off the truck's engine and leaned his forehead against the steering wheel. He let out a shaky breath, holding back tears as he sucked air back into his lungs.

He could hear the dogs barking excitedly, but when mixed with the rushing of blood pounding in his ears, it all sounded so distant and foreign. He took another deep breath, still pressing his head against the steering wheel to keep him grounded for a little while longer.

Niall finally pushed his way out of the truck a few minutes later, immediately getting pounced on by all three dogs. Even with his heart in the pit of his stomach, he couldn't help but smile down at them.

"Got some treats for you lot," he said softly as he gently pet each one. Max and Ringo started pawing at his legs while Woofsevelt sat patiently, though he was eyeing the bag in Niall's hand quite determinedly.

Placing his coffee on the top of the truck's cab, he reached into the paper bag and brought out one of the pastries Leigh-Anne had given him. As he tore it into three equal bits, he swore he could hear Zayn's voice echoing from the night before.

"You're going to make them sick!"

 _Everyone deserves something sweet once in a while_ , he thought to himself as he passed the bits out to the dogs. They eagerly wolfed them down, each one staring back up at him in the hopes of more.

"Later," he said with a soft chuckle, rolling down the top of the bag and stuffing it in his pocket as he grabbed his coffee. He started to head towards the barn, whistling for the dogs to follow even though he didn't even need to. Now that they knew he had something for them, they'd follow him anywhere.

Niall was so preoccupied with not accidentally stepping on one of the dogs that he didn't notice a small slip of paper attached to the barn door until it was right in front of his nose.

"What's this?" he looked down at Ringo on his right, widening his eyes as Ringo barked at him happily. "Leaving me love notes, pup?"

He chuckled again as he unfolded the paper, and stiffening slightly when he realized he didn't recognize the handwriting.

_Hey! Looks like I beat you here. I'm out in the pasture…hope you don't mind :)_

Niall folded the note quickly, then unfolded it again to read the message once more. He didn't have to guess who it was from, but even that tiny piece of knowledge  only made his pounding heart beat faster.

He put the note in his other pocket and gripped his coffee tightly as he turned away from the barn, his earlier reasons for heading that way all but forgotten.

Upon reaching the edge of the pasture, Niall ended up splitting the other pastry between the three dogs just to get them to stop following him around. Once he showed them that the bag was empty, they reluctantly left his side and followed his commands to return to the flock.

Niall spotted Harry across the way, near the tree that Niall had been sitting under the first time Harry had appeared at his farm. He already had his camera out, snapping pictures of things that Niall saw every day of his life.

He couldn't quite understand the concept of why Harry was so interested in taking pictures of his farm. To him, it was nothing particularly special or aesthetically pleasing but maybe he'd become inured to its beauty.

As he came closer, Niall noticed that the small dog that had been with Gemma before was nipping at Harry's ankles. A leash was attached to his collar, loosely tethered to Harry's belt to keep him from getting away.

The dog started yipping as soon as he noticed Niall and Harry turned towards him with a smile. Niall turned his head, taking a quick look back at his flock before facing Harry and seeing him lower his camera.

Niall felt a small blush creep onto his cheeks as he realized Harry had taken his picture, but he was determined not to let himself get caught off guard again.

"Hi," Harry greeted warmly. Niall lifted his hand in response, eyeing him curiously when Harry shoved his hand into his back pocket to pull out a small notebook and pen.

"What's that?" he asked. Harry bit his bottom lip slightly before letting a half-smile spread across his face as he looked back at Niall.

"This is a bit weird, but I like to learn about the places I photograph. If you don't mind?"

"Nah." Niall shrugged. "I mean, sure, yeah…" He shrugged again, a little wary of what he was getting himself into.

"Excellent." Harry beamed as he flipped his notebook to a blank page. "So. Niall." He cleared his throat in a mock-professional manner, losing the façade in a matter of seconds when he beamed widely. "What's your last name?"

"Horan." Harry nodded as he wrote it down, still smiling.

"Mine's Styles. Harry Styles, in case you'd forgotten."

"I hadn't, but thanks." Niall couldn't help but smile, but he quickly turned his attention downwards to the small dog that had now started pawing him. "And who might you be?"

"This is Stiles." Niall looked up at Harry and gave him an odd look.

"You named your dog…Stiles Styles?"

"Gemma named him. I had no part in it." Harry rolled his eyes.

"Right," Niall replied with a muffled snicker. "Pleasure to meet you, Stiles." He gently ruffled the puffs of fur on Stiles' head, letting him lightly nip at his fingers. "Even if you were a right menace to my pups."

"Yeah…" Harry sighed softly, looking a bit embarrassed at the mention of it. "Gemma told me about that. I hope it's alright that I brought him, it's just that Gemma needed a rest and he just wouldn't shut up-"

"It's fine," Niall interrupted. "Just keep him on the lead, yeah?"

Harry nodded, biting his lip as the corners of his mouth curled up in a smile. He cleared his throat a few times as Niall settled himself underneath the tree, concentrating more on entertaining Stiles rather than on how Harry was now towering over him.

Oddly enough, even though he felt the most vulnerable he ever had under Harry's gaze, there was something so divinely unthreatening in the way Harry spoke and the incredible light in his eyes that gave Niall a sense of serenity.

He answered Harry's questions, though he avoided talking about his parents as much as possible. He mentioned them a few times, mainly when referring to how he was able to run everything on his own.

As far as Niall was concerned, Harry didn't need to know the intimate details of just how utterly screwed up his life really was.

After a while, Niall lost count of how many questions Harry had asked. He was so wrapped up in amusing Stiles and listening to the sound of Harry's voice, he hadn't noticed that Harry had sat down next to him.

However, he did notice when Harry stopped talking. It was then that he realized Harry was sitting next to him, looking at him with a fond smile as he watched him with Stiles.

"So…" Niall mumbled, clearing his throat as he looked away from Harry and busied himself with scratching Stiles behind his ears. "Stiles Styles."

Harry snickered, shaking his head as he stared down at the pup curled up around Niall's feet.

"Like I said, not my idea." Harry chuckled. "Gemma's a bit obsessed with this American show, _Teen Wolf_."

"Never heard of it."

"Really?" Niall shrugged.

"I don't have telly." Harry's eyes widened.

"Well, alright, but what about watching it online?" Niall shrugged again.

"Haven't got a computer neither."

"Haven't got-" Harry let out a disbelieving laugh and pressed his hand against his face. "Let me get this straight: you don't have a phone, you don't have telly _and_ you don't have a computer?"

Niall didn't have an answer, so he simply shrugged. He'd never had any of those things growing up and he felt that he couldn't miss the things he'd never had.

"You're mad. What do you do in your spare time?"

"What spare time?" Niall answered with a laugh. "The farm takes up all of my time. What with the sheep and my pups."

"What were their names again?" Harry asked. "Max, Ringo, and…?"

"Woofsevelt," Niall admitted, biting his bottom lip as Harry snickered softly.

"And you were giving me shit for Stiles Styles?"

"Oi, I thought it was quite clever when I was 11, alright?"

"Fair enough," Harry answered with another snicker. Niall shook his head, fighting a smile.

"But, uh, I really don't have time for much else what with keeping this place going all by meself."

"Well, yeah, but you have to take some time for yourself, yeah?"

"Not really," Niall replied. "I mostly keep to meself. Apart from going to the pub, that is."

"See?" Harry grinned. "I knew it!" Niall shrugged his shoulders, finally letting a smile appear on his face.

"Alright, alright. Not everyone can be some famous and fancy photographer, y'know."

Out of the corner of his eye, Niall caught the way Harry's face shifted slightly at the mention of fame. A small frown lingered on Harry's lips for a split second before his grin returned and he shrugged his shoulders.

"S'not all it's cracked up to be."

"S'cuse me for asking, but-" Niall paused a bit before asking incredulously, "what in the bleedin' hell are you doing out here anyway?"

"It's a long story," Harry replied with a soft sigh, his shoulders drooping at the very thought. "Essentially, Gemma and I just needed to get away."

"I see," Niall said, even though he really had no idea what Harry meant. Never in his life had Niall even entertained the idea of actually leaving Whitegate, even when things with his father were at their worst. Whitegate was still his home, and it always would be.

"Actually," Harry paused to check his watch. "I should be getting back."

He scrambled to get to his feet, gently tugging on Stiles' leash and rolling his eyes when the dog whined and stretched. Niall rose slowly, brushing off his jeans as he leaned against the tree behind him.

"Would it be alright if I came 'round again?" Harry asked. "I'd love for you to show me around more, if it's not too much trouble."

"Uhh…" Niall trailed off, trying to tear his eyes away from Harry's as he contemplated. Part of him wanted to say no so that he wouldn't have to endure any more prying questions, but the other part – the bigger part – could never imagine saying no to that face. "Sure."

"Excellent." Harry grinned. "Guess I'll just…drop by, sometime."

"I'll be here," Niall replied with a crooked smile. Harry's grin didn't falter, and Niall wasn't sure if it was possible for it to get any bigger.

"See you 'round, Niall." Harry tugged on Stiles' leash, leading him away from Niall and back towards the road on the other side of the fence. He turned back once to wave at Niall, and Niall mimicked the motion though with far less gusto than Harry put into his.

"Bloody mad, that one," Niall mumbled under his breath as he started walking towards the barn. He closed his eyes, momentarily allowing himself to enjoy the fact that he could still see Harry's smile.

*

Niall didn't let himself dwell on the way his heart swelled when his mind drifted to thoughts of Harry. He'd spent too long pushing his emotions to the back of his mind and keeping them under lock and key to let them best him now.

 _There's nothing to think about_ , he told himself. The last thing he needed, or even wanted, was to let some bloke he hardly knew come in and muck up his life. It was plenty ridiculous without Harry in it, and Niall shuddered to think of what could happen if he let Harry be a part of it.

And so Niall adamantly did _not_ think about Harry. He didn't think of Harry when he checked the fence, he didn't think of Harry when Ringo covered him in mud. And he most certainly did not think of Harry when he lay awake that night, wishing for some company other than his three dogs.

Niall was so busy keeping his mind on anyone but Harry that he was entirely surprised to find another note on his barn the following afternoon.

_Tried knocking on your door, but nobody answered :( Meet me at the tree so you can give me a proper tour?_

Niall almost couldn't believe the words on the small scrap of paper. He cast a worried glance back to the house, silently thanking God that his father hadn't been conscious enough to open the door.

As he made his way to meet Harry, Niall racked his brain to try and think of an excuse he could make to keep Harry away from the house at all costs.

 _You could try telling him the truth_ , a voice popped into Niall's head that he quickly hushed, hardly believing that it had spoken in the first place. The very idea that he'd tell a complete stranger things that he'd kept from his best friends in the world was absolutely out of the question.

It was probably insane that Niall was starting to hear voices, but he also pushed that thought away as soon as it came to him. That was another item on the list of things Niall didn't want to think about.

 _I know I'm going mad_ , he grumbled to himself. Niall paused in his stride, wondering if he could turn around now and pretend he'd never even seen the note in the first place.

But just as he made the decision and started to turn, he heard Harry's voice calling his name. He cursed once, under his breath, before putting on a smile and lifting his hand to wave at Harry.

They met halfway between the barn and the tree, Harry looking infinitely happier to see Niall than Niall had allowed himself to feel in ages. It occurred to Niall in that moment that the only thing he ever really let himself feel was sorry for himself, and that simple realization made him feel even worse.

When had he become so negative and unhappy? The only reason he'd even started keeping secrets in the first place was to keep himself from getting hurt. But the more secrets he kept and the deeper he dug his own lonely grave for all of his lies, the more hurt he felt.

But despite all the hurt he caused himself, Niall couldn't help but think he deserved it. He'd come too far, told too many lies to come clean now. He'd only end up hurting the ones he loved, and Niall would rather secretly stew in his own misery than risk losing everyone and being completely alone. If his own father hated him for who he truly was, then how could he even imagine anyone else to still care?

"You all right?" Harry asked, his smile fading slightly as he looked at Niall.

"Yeah," Niall answered quickly. "Why?"

"You just…looked a bit-" Harry sighed softly before he shook his head and shrugged. "Nothing, nevermind." The bright smile returned. "How about that tour?"

"There's not much to see," Niall replied, but Harry wasn't going to be brushed off so easily. He laid a hand on Niall's shoulder and leaned in.

"Don't be so modest! I want to see it all!"

Niall let out an amused breath, letting Harry cajole him into giving a full tour. Unlike the day before, Harry mostly kept quiet behind his camera as Niall explained the inner workings of the farm.

He'd never really noticed how much work he put into the farm each day and how much pride he really had in it. It was comforting for Niall to know that even if his personal life was more or less in shambles, he always had the satisfaction of knowing that if it weren't for him, the farm would've been condemned ages ago.

He found joy in talking about the work he did, and Niall realized that he'd never really talked to anyone about it before. He'd mentioned certain things to Zayn and Liam, but they didn't really understand. Not that Harry really understood, but at least he was interested.

Niall took special care to avoid the main house, hoping that Harry wouldn't ask about it. When they came upon the shack, Niall mumbled that it was mainly used for storage and Harry didn't need to see inside.

Harry gave him a curious look but didn't protest when Niall led him away. Harry looked back over his shoulder at the shack - a small part of him knowing that Niall was hiding something.

As he turned back to catch up with Niall, he reasoned with himself that everyone is allowed secrets. He wasn't going to pry into Niall's private life, he just wanted to get to know the mysterious boy with a sheep farm.

*

Over the next few weeks, Niall noticed a change in his own demeanor. He was actually happy, for the first time in he didn't know how long. Practically nothing in his life was different: he still worked himself to the bone at the farm, dragged his father home from the pub more nights a week than he didn't, all the while keeping up the charade that he wasn't living in the shack.

But the one thing that had made a difference, slowly but surely, was Harry.

It wasn't even that Harry had done anything particularly dramatic to cause this slow shift in Niall's happiness; in fact, they hardly ever saw each other. Occasionally Harry would drop in at the pub in the evenings, usually only long enough to grab a bit of food and offer Niall a smile from the other end of the bar.

But what Niall started looking forward to most were the notes that Harry left on his barn door. Niall never would have expected them in a million years, but with each day that passed he didn't know how he'd made it through the day without them.

The first few had been variations of "good morning" and "have a good day" but as time went on they started to become more personal and endearing. Niall especially enjoyed when Harry would write jokes on the front with the punchline on the back, even if they were always terrible ones that Niall felt ridiculous for laughing at.

Niall had a small collection going in his shack, carefully hidden so the dogs wouldn't tear them to bits. His favorite to date he kept pinned to the wall above his bed, and it brought a smile to his face whenever he read it.

During the night when Niall couldn't sleep, he would stare up at it and wonder to himself how he'd managed to befriend such an odd boy. Niall wouldn't let himself think that it was anything other than a friendly gesture, even though in the pit of his stomach he knew that was a blatant lie.

One Thursday evening, just over a month since Niall and Harry had first met, Niall returned from the pub a bit earlier than normal and noticed a figure standing in front of the barn. At first, his defensive side took over and he immediately thought it was an intruder.

He leaned out of the window of his truck and shouted loudly, startling the person so much that he nearly fell over. Niall blinked a few times and realized that it wasn't an intruder at all - it was Harry.

"For Chrissakes," he grumbled under his breath, fighting a smile as he climbed out of his truck and jogged over to Harry. "What're you doing?"

"You're early!" Harry exclaimed, clutching his chest as he recovered from the scare Niall had given him.

"Sorry," Niall replied with a slight shrug of one shoulder as his eyes drifted to the barn door. Harry followed his gaze and quickly slapped his hand across the note he'd already pinned to the door.

"Not til tomorrow," he said when Niall stuck out his bottom lip in a pout.

"What's to stop me from looking when you leave?" Niall answered with a smirk. Harry opened his mouth to say something, then quickly shut it and rolled his eyes.

"You make a good point," he mumbled as he dropped his hand, staring at the ground as Niall pulled the note down and looked at it.

_Why did the mushroom go to the party?_

Niall shot an amused look at Harry before he flipped the note over and snickered.

_Because he was a fungi._

"That's awful," Niall said despite the fact that he was laughing heartily. Harry groaned, burying his face in his hands.

"S'not even my joke; my mate Louis gave it to me."

"Well then you can tell your mate he's rubbish at jokes." Niall snickered as he tucked the note into his jacket pocket.

"Oh, he'd love to argue that," Harry replied with a smile. "He fancies himself a comedian."

Niall shook his head slightly while Harry kept looking at him with the same small smile. They stood in silence for a moment, neither quite knowing what to say to the other.

In the absence of conversation, Niall heard Woofsevelt's soft whining coming from the truck and he realized that he'd accidentally locked him in there.

"I should…" He gestured to his truck and Harry nodded.

"Me too," Harry replied, nodding his head towards the road behind him to indicate he should also be getting home.

Niall paused for a moment, looking at the now bare barn door. There was something slightly sad about the fact that he'd already gotten tomorrow's note, and he couldn't ignore it.

"You should come to the pub tomorrow night," Niall blurted out before he realized what he was saying.

"What?" Harry asked.

"You- You should come." Niall cleared his throat awkwardly. "Tomorrow's our weekly dominoes game. Bring Gemma, if you like."

"Oh, um-" Harry stammered, looking down at his feet for a split second before he locked eyes with Niall again and nodded quickly. "Sure. Sounds great."

"Excellent. Now I've got something else to look forward to," Niall replied, once again not thinking about what he was saying before the words left his mouth. Harry smiled widely and Niall felt a blush start to creep across his cheeks.

"Me too," Harry replied softly as he took a step back, turning around and heading towards the road to leave Niall by the barn door to analyze everything that had just occurred.

He wasn't given too long; Woofsevelt started barking soon after Harry left and Niall groaned.

"All right, all right, ya mutt."

Niall opened the door and Woofsevelt tilted his head as he looked at Niall, and Niall could've sworn he was being judged by his own dog.

"Don't look at me like that," he mumbled as he scooped Woofsevelt into his arms and helped him out of the truck, whistling for him to follow as he made his way to the shack.

Later that night as Niall laid in bed, he found himself staring at the note above his bed again. He wondered how long it would take for the paper to bleach from the sunlight and Harry's handwriting to fade.

It wasn't as though Niall was going to forget the words, but he liked having the physical reminder.

_I met a man today and he smiled back at me_

_Now there are thoughts like these that keep me on my feet_

*

Niall couldn't deny the small twinge of sadness he felt when he rose the next morning and there wasn't a new note on the barn door. He felt silly since he hadn't really expected Harry to sneak back and put another note on the door.

His spirits lifted when he remembered that he'd asked Harry to come to the pub that night, and even more so when he also remembered that Harry had said yes.

For the first time in a very long time, Niall was okay with letting himself be happy. It was unnerving at first, being happy, but a sense of relief came with it that Niall was grateful for.

Sure, in the back of his mind he was reminded that he was still lying to everyone about pretty much everything in his life, but for once Niall didn't let that bother him. He also wasn't so naïve to think that Harry was the answer to his problems, because Niall knew that nobody could fix his problems but himself.

He also didn't fully let himself believe that his friendship with Harry was anything more than that, but it didn't stop a smaller, quieter voice in his head from wishing.

The day seemed to drag at a snail's pace, and Niall found himself distracted. A number of times he snapped out of his thoughts only to realize that he'd been standing in the middle of his property for much longer than he meant to.

The dogs also seemed to notice the change in Niall's behavior, but they didn't seem too bothered by it. If anything, they were happier because Niall was finally happy.

Niall tried not to rush down to the pub that evening - he really didn't. He purposefully walked instead of taking his truck, hoping that the crisp evening air would do his mind some good.

He also brought all three dogs with him, mainly so he had something to concentrate on during his walk to the pub other than his excitement. It was far easier to play around with Max and Ringo, riling them up as they eagerly ran in circles around him. Woofsevelt followed behind the other three, his age keeping him from playing as much as Max and Ringo but still just as desperate for attention.

As he held the door open to let the dogs into the pub before him, Niall realized that he'd made it there before Liam. Zayn was already behind the bar, giving Niall a surprised look when he shuffled inside.

"You're here early."

"The pups missed Coco," Niall replied with a cheeky smile. Zayn rolled her eyes, turning to greet all of the dogs that had made their way behind the bar. Niall continued to smile as he made his way to the far side of the bar, settling in on his usual stool and watching Zayn with his dogs.

"Zayn, did you- oh, Nialler! You're here early," Jade said as she patted his shoulder gently on her way to see Zayn.

"M'not that early," Niall mumbled under his breath, ignoring both Zayn and Jade as they smiled at him. They exchanged a few words regarding business that Niall had no interest in, and he tried to distract himself so he wouldn't stare at the door all night.

"Want your usual, love?" Jade asked on her way back to the kitchen, once again laying her hand on Niall's shoulder.

"Ta, Jade. That'd be great." She ruffled his hair lightly, giggling when Niall pulled away and swatted her hand. Jade disappeared back into the kitchen, the sounds of her giggles echoing down the hall.

Niall didn't acknowledge the look Zayn gave him after she poured a pint and set it in front of him. He brought the glass to his lips and took a long drink, only making eye contact after he replaced it on the bar in front of him.

"What?" he asked, finally fed up with the way Zayn was staring at him.

"Nothing," Zayn replied with a cheeky smile. "What's got your knickers in a twist?"

"Sod off," Niall mumbled, drowning his smile in another long drink.

Liam showed up around half an hour later, when Niall was on his second pint and nibbling at the straggling chips still left on his plate. Liam sat down on his regular stool next to him, catching Zayn's lips in a quick kiss over the bar before he grinned at Niall.

"You're early." He chuckled. "For once."

"No, you're late." Niall smirked, enjoying the way Liam got all flustered when he jerked his head around to look at the clock.

"I am n-" He groaned. "Niall, you're an arsehole."

"Maybe," he replied with another smirk before he sipped at his drink. "But I'm an arsehole who wants to play dominoes!"

Nobody would've guessed that Niall was semi-distracted from the game. Sure, he kept an eye on the door through most of the night but it didn't stop him from winning nearly every round.

The only one who seemed to notice anything was Zayn, mainly because every so often she would catch Niall's eye and quirk an eyebrow. Niall would then look away and make himself look busy with the game until Zayn left him alone.

Right around the two-hour mark, Niall was starting to think that Harry wasn't going to show up. He tried not to let it deflate the good time he was having – really, he was – because it's not like Harry had promised to come or anything.

But that didn't stop Niall's heart from leaping into his throat every time the pub door opened. And it was getting harder to ignore the way it ached every time Harry didn't walk in.

"This is bollocks," Liam grumbled as he picked another domino, starting to become annoyed that he couldn't find one to match the fours that dominated the board.

"It's strategy," Niall replied with a wide grin. Liam rolled his eyes, taking yet another domino before he sighed heavily.

"It's _bollocks_ ," he repeated. Niall tried not to laugh as Liam reached for another, releasing a cry of joy when he finally found a four.

"Well done, mate."

"Sod off," Liam replied with a half-smile. "Your turn."

"Excellent," Niall said with a large grin, cracking his knuckles as he surveyed his set and the board. His eyes flickered to the door when he heard it open, but they quickly darted back to the dominoes in front of him despite finally seeing who he'd been waiting for all this time.

Niall hoped that his cheeks weren't giving him away as he adamantly did _not_ look at Harry as he made his way over towards him and Liam. He could feel Zayn staring at him, and he was grateful that Liam was mostly oblivious to everything around him because he didn't need the pair of them ganging up on him.

"Hiya," Harry's voice sounded timid and unbelievably endearing to Niall's ears, and he willed himself to concentrate on the task at hand.

"Hey," Liam answered in place of Niall. "Harry, right?"

Out of the corner of his eye, Niall watched them shake hands and begin some inane chitchat while he planned out his move. Liam paused midway through a sentence as Niall placed his pieces, managing to score quite a few points before going out.

"You're bloody joking," he groaned.

"Nope." Niall grinned. "I win again."

"Congrats." Niall turned to Harry and smiled.

"Thanks."

"No, no, don't encourage him." Liam sighed heavily as he began flipping the dominoes over. "He's cocky enough as is."

"Hey," Niall protested, but he was interrupted by Zayn giggling.

"He's right, you're a menace with those things." She looked at Harry. "What can I get you?"

"Oh, um-" Harry stammered for a few seconds before he gestured to the glasses in front of Niall and Liam. "Same as them, I guess."

"Coming up," Zayn replied, shooting Niall a pointed look before turning her back. Niall cleared his throat loudly, ignoring the way Zayn's look sent a twinge of embarrassment through him.

"Another round, then?"

"Absolutely not," Liam replied. "I've still got a bit of pride that I'd like to keep, thanks."

"You're no fun, Payno." Niall started to gather the dominoes, but Harry caught his wrist and Niall froze.

"I'd fancy a go," he said softly. "That is, after I learn the rules."

"S'not that hard," Zayn said as she set a glass down on the bar for Harry. "If Liam can play, you certainly can."

"Hey," Liam protested with a pout. Zayn grinned brightly at him, leaning over the bar to kiss his cheek.

"Mean it in the best way, love." Liam continued to pout until Zayn pressed her lips against Liam's, pulling back to whisper something in his ear that Niall told himself he didn't want to hear.

"So is it easy, then?" Harry asked Niall, pulling his attention away from the sickening display of affection occurring next to them.

"The basics, yeah." Niall smiled. "It's the strategy that takes practice."

"I like a challenge," Harry replied with a similar smile.

"Here, take my spot." Liam stood up and offered it to Harry, despite his protests. "Honestly, I don't mind."

"If you're sure," Harry said as he hesitantly sat down in Liam's place.

"Absolutely." Liam grinned. "Though watch out, he cheats. I dunno how, but he's got to."

"I do not cheat!" Niall protested, shoving Liam's shoulder. "He's just mad because he never wins."

"Well then," Harry began, "I'll win for you, Liam." He grinned.

"Oh, will you?" Niall asked, raising an eyebrow at Harry.

"Someone's got to knock you off your high horse, eh?" Harry smirked, much to the joy of Liam and Zayn.

"Oh, Harry," Liam said as he clapped his hands on Harry's shoulders. "I like you already."

*

The following morning, Niall awoke with a smile on his face. He hummed a joyful tune as he made a rather pitiful breakfast, ending up sharing most of it with the dogs. He continued to sing softly to himself as he headed towards the barn, half wondering what he was going to find pinned to the door that morning.

When he reached the barn, there was no note. Instead, Harry was leaning against the faded wood clutching two cups of coffee with a sleepy smile.

"Morning," he said softly, fighting a yawn.

"What're you doing here?" Niall asked, not even thinking about trying to hide his smile as he took one of the cups when Harry offered it. He shrugged, covering his mouth as he let out a small yawn.

"Wanted to thank you for last night."

"Trying to soften me up?" Niall snickered. "So maybe I'll let you win?"

"I blame beginner's shit luck," Harry replied, smiling openly as he looked up at Niall.

"That's not a thing." Niall shook his head before he taking a small sip of his coffee. Harry shrugged his shoulders again and bit his lip.

"Obviously I need more practice. You'll have to teach me more strategy."

Niall shook his head again, fighting the fact that his smile was slowly turning into a large grin. He thought back to the night before and a soft laugh slipped through his lips.

After he'd taught Harry the basic rules, they'd played a round with open hands to give him a better idea of strategy. Niall hadn't remembered how much he loved teaching others to play dominoes, given it had been so long since he'd first taught Liam. Zayn refused to play, stating that she had plenty to do behind the bar that didn't include getting her arse kicked at some silly game.

The other girls feigned interest, but none of them ever seemed to show up early enough on Friday nights to join in on a game. It probably didn't help that Liam whined that Niall cheated, even though it was a dirty lie.

He also had to admit that he loved the full concentration that Harry gave him. He couldn't help but notice the way his eyes lit up when he grasped a concept, constantly searching for reassurance from Niall that he was doing well. It was hopelessly endearing, and Niall loved every minute of it.

Though that didn't mean he was going to let Harry win. After all, Niall had a reputation to protect and a winning streak to uphold.

After the first few rounds, Liam started trying to give Harry advice on what pieces to play, completely ignoring Niall's protests. He gave up after a while, grinning into his glass as he watched Liam give Harry all sorts of advice, most of it awful but Liam's heart was in the right place.

"As long as you stop listening to Liam, I think you'll be alright."

"He's a bit rubbish at dominoes, isn't he?" Harry chuckled lightly.

"Yeah," Niall agreed. "But he's the only one who will play with me so I don't mind."

"You also love to win."

"That I do. It's a nice ego boost." Niall grinned.

"You should've heard Gemma when I told her about losing," Harry said as he shook his head lightly. "She'll never let me hear the end of it."

"Bring her along next time and she can witness it firsthand." Niall hummed softly, not letting himself dwell on the small twinge he felt in his heart at the mention of her name. He cleared his throat, looking down at his coffee in the hopes that Harry hadn't noticed the slight shift in his demeanor. "I was surprised you didn't bring her 'round last night."

"Oh, um-" Harry hummed awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck as he avoided Niall's gaze. "After the last time…" he trailed off, clearing his throat as he searched for the right words. "She's just…not herself."

"Right," Niall answered slowly, mildly confused by Harry's stammering.

"She's been a bit stroppy about being in Ireland and not being able to drink," Harry explained, nervously tapping his fingers on the side of his coffee cup. "But, that's what happens when you're pregnant…or so I've learned."

Niall was extremely grateful of the fact that he hadn't been taking a sip of coffee at that moment, because he was positive he would've choked as soon as the words left Harry's mouth.

"She's-" Niall began and Harry nodded.

"Pregnant. 'Bout five months along, I think."

"That's-" Niall whistled. "Great. Tell her congrats for me."

"Yeah, well," Harry cleared his throat again and shrugged. "Now you understand why she didn't want to come to the pub last night…or the time before," Harry added under his breath. Niall bit his lip, nodding slightly as he felt his happiness slowly fade away.

"Well, um, I should get to…" Niall gestured to the barn door behind Harry, suddenly filled with the need to get his mind off of anything and everything having to do with Harry and Gemma.

"Right," Harry replied, laughing softly as he stepped aside. "So, um, will you be at the pub again tonight?"

"S'pose so," Niall answered, not letting himself see the way Harry's face lit up despite the shift in Niall's tone of voice.

"Great," he answered with a smile. "I'll see you there, then."

"Yeah," Niall replied with a nod of his head. "Thanks for the coffee."

"Any time." Harry turned around and started walking away, and Niall resisted the urge to watch him go. Instead he looked down at the three dogs that had been sitting patiently the whole time, who were looking up at him with slightly confused looks.

"Don't look at me like that," he mumbled as he poured out the rest of his coffee once Harry was out of sight. Niall sighed deeply, crushing the cup and shoving it into his jacket pocket before he opened the barn door.

He was immediately met with the overwhelming sound of all of his sheep bleating at once, and he found a strange sense of comfort in the din. It was enough to keep his mind off of things, if only for a little while.

*

It didn't take long for Niall to sink back into his normal mindset. It wasn't technically depression, but it wasn't far from it. He just couldn't see a reason to pretend to be happy when he felt as though he didn't deserve to be in the first place.

He felt stupid for having entertained any idea of anything other than friendship with Harry. _For one thing,_ he told himself, _you hardly even know him._ There were several other reasons, and each one more self-deprecating than the last.

But the biggest one that stood out in Niall's mind was Gemma. He should've known from the start that she played an important role in Harry's life, even if he hadn't been certain of it exactly.

She was _pregnant_. Niall kept turning this piece of information over in his head, wondering how he could've been so daft. And to think, he'd actually thought Harry had been flirting with him.

"Stupid," Niall grumbled to himself as he spun half his remaining wool into yarn. He tried to concentrate on the task at hand, humming a soft tune to drown out his thoughts. "So bloody stupid."

He groaned loudly when he remembered that he had to make a delivery to Liam's shop, for he knew full well that he'd be roped into a conversation about the night before. The chances of getting in and out of the shop in under five minutes were slim to none, but Niall couldn't avoid it forever.

Niall sat in his truck parked outside of Liam's shop, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel and muttering under his breath. He debated leaving the boxes outside the door and avoiding the situation entirely, but in the back of his mind he knew that would definitely not go over well.

In truth, there was only one way that Niall knew of that could get him in and out of the shop without having to talk too much. He had to pretend to be happy.

"Top of the morning!" Niall plastered a fake grin on his face as he entered, only to be met with the oddest looks he'd ever seen on Perrie and Liam's faces.

Perhaps he went a bit overboard.

"It's the sodding afternoon," Perrie replied with a laugh.

"Yeah, well, 'top of the afternoon' doesn't sound as good, eh?" Niall stuck out his tongue as he wheeled his trolley over to the counter.

"You're in a good mood," Liam commented with a smile. Niall smiled back, though his cheeks were already starting to hurt.

"That I am! And in a bit of a hurry, so if you don't mind?" he said as he picked up a crate and passed it to Liam.

"What's got you in such a hurry?" Perrie answered, not bothering to rise from her stool for once.

"Things to do, people to see, sheep to shepherd. Y'know."

"Right." Perrie rolled her eyes. Niall ignored her, passing another crate to Liam as quickly as he could. When his trolley was empty, he breathed a quick sigh of relief and eagerly pushed it back towards the door.

"Well, I'm off. See you later!" he called hastily, not letting Liam or Perrie get in another word before he pulled the door shut behind him.

He didn't see them share a look. He didn't hear the way Liam sighed heavily as he shook his head.

"I take it back," Liam mumbled. "That was not Niall in a good mood."

"That wasn't Niall, period." Perrie shuddered. "That was like, some creepy clone that has no idea how to function properly."

"Yeah," Liam replied sadly as he watched Niall get into his truck and pull away.

Niall took deep breaths as he pulled up to the church, immediately leaning his head against the steering wheel once he turned the engine off. It took several minutes for Niall to compose himself enough to head inside, though even after taking that extra time he still felt wobbly on his own two feet.

He took a seat in the pew closest to the door, staring at the floor as he put his head between his knees. He closed his eyes tightly, focusing on his breathing as he desperately tried to clear his mind.

Niall couldn't help but flinch when a gentle hand was placed on his shoulder, and he sat up with a start. He clutched his chest when he saw Father Riley, thankfully not cursing loudly in the house of the Lord.

"Niall, my boy, are you all right?"

"Yeah, Father, m'fine." Niall tried to smile through his lie, but Father Riley was not going to let him get away with it.

"You're troubled." He smiled sadly at Niall, keeping his hand on Niall's shoulder in a reassuring manner.

"Everyone's troubled," Niall replied softly, his eyes dropping down to stare at his hands in his lap.

"Not everyone has been through what you've been through, Niall. It's perfectly normal to need a little help once in a while."

"I know," Niall said in the same soft tone. "But I don't want it."

"Why not?"

"I'm doing well enough on my own." Niall sighed. "I can handle it."

"You can only carry the world on your shoulders for so long, my boy." Father Riley tightened his grip on Niall's shoulder for a moment before he let go. "Let someone share the burden, lest you be crushed underneath it."

Father Riley began to walk up the aisle, and Niall lifted his head.

"Father, d'you mind if-"

"Stay as long as you need, Niall." Father Riley turned around and smiled. "You know you're always welcome here."

*

Niall awoke with a start, blinking rapidly as he surveyed his unfamiliar surroundings. As it came into focus, he realized that he'd accidentally fallen asleep in the church. He sat up in the pew, stretching his arms and twisting his neck to relieve the crick he'd gotten while asleep.

It was much darker now, the church was lit by candlelight and Niall squinted at the watch on his wrist to check the time. Somehow he'd managed to sleep so long that it was nearly nine o'clock.

"Shite," he cursed before he remembered where he was, immediately clapping his hand over his mouth. He glanced around, thankful that no one had been around to hear it. Still, he mumbled a quick apology for cursing in the house of God as he scrambled out of the pew and towards the door.

Niall climbed into his truck, but hesitated to start it. He remembered what he'd said to Harry early that morning about going to the pub, but he was no longer sure if that was a good idea. His stomach didn't seem to agree, because it rumbled loudly and he groaned.

He racked his brain to remember if he had anything actually worth eating at home in his shack, giving up after a few seconds and deciding that if he didn't then he'd just have to go to bed hungry. He didn't want to see anyone at the pub.

Niall drove slowly through town, his heartbeat picking up speed the closer he got to the pub. He tried not to look as he passed by, but he couldn't help it. A familiar figure caught his eye at the last second and he slammed on his brakes.

"Shite," he cursed again as he recognized his father stumbling through the door. Niall groaned, throwing his truck into park and quickly climbing out of it despite his better judgment.

 _This is not what I need_ , he thought to himself as he took a deep breath before pushing his way through the door to the pub.

His father had already made it to the bar, leaning heavily against it as he flagged Zayn down. Niall caught Zayn's eye as he came up behind his father, shaking his head even though he knew there was no way Zayn was going to serve him.

"C'mon, Da." Niall gently wrapped his arms around his father and tried to pull him away.

"No, I want a drink!" he slurred.

"You have plenty at home," Niall replied. He wasn't sure if it was true, but in his already drunken state his father didn't seem to argue.

Zayn offered a small smile as Niall tugged his father away from the bar, but Niall couldn't bring himself to reciprocate. He ducked his head and tried not to engage with anyone else as he helped his father out the door.

Niall thought he was home free when he got his father into his truck and closed the door. He let out a deep breath, leaning against the metal frame for a second before he went to walk around to the driver's side.

"Niall!" He froze at the sound of Harry's voice. "You leaving?"

"Yeah," Niall replied quickly, turning back to see Harry frowning.

"Will you come back?"

"Nah," Niall shook his head. "Got to get up early and all."

"Just one drink?" Harry pleaded.

"I can't." Niall glanced at his father through the window and swallowed hard before he turned back towards Harry. "S'not a good idea."

"Why?" Harry asked, his eyes slowly following Niall's gaze to his father.

"It's just not, all right?" Niall sighed. "I've gotta go."

"Niall-"

"Just leave it, Harry, yeah?" Niall snapped, striding to the other side of his truck and quickly climbing in. He didn't let himself look at Harry again, because he didn't have to. He already knew what he'd done, what sort of look would be on Harry's face after Niall spoke to him that way.

 _It's better this way_ , Niall reassured himself as he drove back to the farm. He kept repeating it as he helped his father inside the house, ignoring the way his heart was aching.

There was no note pinned to the barn door the following morning. Niall repeated his mantra over and over to fool himself into thinking that this was all for the best. It was bound to happen sooner or later, and Niall forced himself into thinking that sooner was better.

*

It was strange how quickly Niall fell back into his normal routine, completely ignoring how easy it was to forget that Harry had even come into his life. The morning after Niall had yelled at him was the first of many mornings with no note on the barn door, and after a few days Niall stopped caring.

He kept telling himself that he had no reason to be disappointed that Harry gave up so easily. They hardly knew each other and he reasoned that he was better off without him. The less complicated his life was, the better. He had enough problems from his own doing, the last thing he needed was to add to them.

At first, Niall had to endure the occasional question about Harry from Liam and Zayn. It wasn't until he snapped at the both of them, on separate occasions, that they stopped. Niall apologized for losing his temper, but that didn't stop either of them from worrying.

"I think he's losing it, Li." Zayn sighed sadly after Niall had left one night. "I've never seen him like this."

"Me neither," Liam replied. "He's been acting weird for a while. Especially when he comes by the shop. Even Perrie's noticed."

"Even Perrie's noticed what?" Jade asked, popping up out of nowhere beside Liam. The pair shared a look which Jade didn't understand, but it didn't stop her from prying further. "C'mon, what?"

"Niall," Zayn answered softly. "We think something's up."

"Obvious, innit?" Jade let out a short laugh. "He's lonely."

"But he's got us," Liam replied. "Or at least he would if he'd let us in once in a while."

"Yeah, but you've got each other." Jade shook her head. "S'not the same for poor Nialler."

"When's the last time he went on a date, anyway?" Zayn asked, and the other two shrugged in return.

"Dunno if he's ever been on one," Liam answered. "Not that I can think of."

"With all the times he's turned down Jesy, you'd think he was a monk," Jade remarked with a laugh as she turned around went back into the kitchen. Both Liam and Zayn chuckled as she left, but their laughter was short-lived.

"D'you-" Liam began, but stopped and sighed heavily.

"What, Li?" Zayn asked as she leaned on the bar and gently put her hand on Liam's arm.

"D'you think that Niall doesn't feel like he deserves to be happy?" he asked slowly. Zayn's expression changed from curious to worried in about two seconds, and Liam thought she might actually cry.

"I hope not," Zayn answered quietly after a few minutes of silence. "If anyone deserves happiness, it's Niall."

*

Normally Niall would've waited until later in the Spring to shear his flock, but he deemed it a fitting excuse to outright ignore his problems for a full week. As per usual, Liam offered to help him out and Niall refused. He was always reminded of the first time Liam said he'd help and the amusing conversation that followed.

"Zayn would never forgive me if one of the sheep, well, y'know," Niall had made a rather crude gesture of getting hit below the belt, and Liam actually _winced_.

"That happens?" Liam stared in disbelief.

"Well, it could," Niall replied. "And I'd rather not get hit for you being hit, so thanks but no thanks."

Still, it didn't stop Liam from offering every single year. Occasionally, Niall would almost take him up on it, but the thought never even crossed his mind that year. He felt that he needed this time to himself now more than ever; time to get his head back to where it needed to be and focus on what was important in his life.

The thing was, Niall knew he was being ridiculous. No matter how many times he told himself that he hadn't developed a crush, it just wasn't true. What he was experiencing was plain old heartbreak, and he absolutely hated it.

But what he hated even more was that he thought he had no reason whatsoever to be heartbroken. He chalked it up to having a silly crush on the first bloke that came into town that he hadn't known all his life. The worst part was that Niall couldn't help but wonder why Harry hadn't just told him about Gemma from the beginning.

Niall was sure he would've been able to nix his crush from the start if he'd known Harry wasn't even a remote possibility. Which, Niall was certain of now, he wasn't.

Still, Niall felt guilty for the way he'd been acting. It wasn't Zayn or Liam's fault, and he had no right to take it out on them the way he did. Deep down Niall also knew that he shouldn't have snapped at Harry like he had, but given that he hadn't seen Harry since that night almost two weeks prior he wasn't sure if he'd ever get the chance to apologize.

After he finished shearing his flock and cleaning all the wool, another week went by with Niall feeling guilty but not knowing how to do anything about it. He couldn't justify going across the way to the house that Harry and Gemma had bought, even if it was just to apologize. Something held him back and until he figured out what it was, he wasn't going to change.

In spite of his stubborn attitude, Niall had begun to knit a jumper for Gemma's baby. It had been quite a while since the last time he'd properly knit anything, so he had to restart it several times. Each time he pulled it apart, he heard his mother's voice echo in his head telling him to stay calm and he'd get it right eventually.

By the eighth restart, Niall had finally gotten the hang of knitting again. He felt a small sense of pride grow as he worked, occasionally stopping to admire his own work. Of course, he had no idea how big or small a jumper for an infant should be so by the end he wondered if he'd perhaps made it too long.

He stood up, holding it against himself and snickering softly when he noticed just how long he'd made it. _Oh well_ , he thought to himself. _The kid won't care either way._

Niall smiled – a actual, genuine smile – and once he'd realized, he tried to think of the last time he'd done so. The very idea that he couldn't remember the last time he smiled disappointed him. He used to be so carefree, handing out smiles with laughter every chance he got.

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud noise that startled him. Niall jumped again when the sound was repeated, and he realized it was a car backfiring. Neither Zayn nor Liam ever drove to the farm, so Niall stuffed the jumper into his pocket and made his way out of the barn to find out who exactly had wandered onto his property this time.

Just as he shut the barn door behind him, a car pulled up. Well, more like it jerked forward several times until it came to a sharp stop and Niall could hear loud arguing inside once the engine was cut off.

The two occupants were so wrapped up in their argument that they didn't see Niall approach. He could make out about half of what they were saying, but from the sounds of it they'd been arguing for quite a while. Niall reached out and rapped his knuckles against the glass of the passenger side door, catching their attention and pausing their fight.

"Can I help you?" Niall asked once the passenger rolled down the window. He beamed widely, and Niall was rather taken aback by the sight of such an incredible smile. Dental hygiene in Whitegate wasn't exactly a priority, and outside of his friends he couldn't think of a single person he knew who had all of their teeth.

"Yes, actually-" he began, but he was cut off by the driver, who snapped loudly.

"No, we're fine!"

Niall chuckled. "Which is it, then?" The passenger turned to the driver and elbowed him sharply.

"Louis, shut it. We need directions or we'll never find the bloody place." He turned back to Niall and smiled widely, reaching his hand up to run his fingers through his light brown hair in an attempt to keep his quiff upright. "We seem to be a bit lost."

"I'd say so," Niall replied as he tapped his fingers against the roof of the car. "What're you trying to find?"

"Our mate's house. We're here to surprise him so we can't exactly ring him and say we're lost."

"We're not bloody lost!" Louis interrupted again, huffing indignantly as he pushed his own brown fringe out of his bright blue eyes. "It's this sodding rustbucket!"

"Lay off the car, Lou, you're the shit driver."

"I didn't hear you offer to drive, Nicholas." Niall tried to keep from laughing, but a snicker escaped his lips and Louis glared at him.

"What're you laughing at?"

"Don't scare off the local, we need him." He turned back to Niall and extended his hand. "Nick Grimshaw. This tosser is Louis."

"Niall." He shook Nick's hand, catching the quick upturn of Nick's mouth and the way Louis' eyes widened just a little at the mention of his name. "So where's this mate of yours live, anyway?"

Nick yanked a piece of paper from Louis' grip despite his protests, passing it to Niall. He took one look at it and cursed under his breath.

"Of course," he mumbled softly.

"Sorry?" Nick asked and Niall looked up.

"Nothing," he replied with a shake of his head. "This is actually just across the way. You'll find it no problem."

Niall passed the paper back to Nick and started to walk away, not seeing the quick exchange between Nick and Louis before he heard his name called. He paused mid-step, slowly turning back around to face them.

"Reckon you should come along, just in case, yeah?" Nick said with a small smile, his brown eyes sparkling with an intent that Niall couldn't quite place. "You don't know Louis, but he gets lost in his own damn flat."

"Hey!"

"I don't think-" Niall began, but he stopped and sighed heavily. He gently pressed his hand against his pocket, feeling the jumper stuffed inside and he knew this might be the only chance he got to properly apologize. "Yeah, alright."

"Excellent." Nick beamed. "Hop in."

*

Niall would've preferred not to make conversation on the short drive to Harry and Gemma's, but it seemed that neither Nick nor Louis knew how to keep quiet. In the ten to fifteen minutes he spent in the backseat of their car, he'd been asked more questions than he'd been asked in the last five years.

Although, that's not to say that he actually answered most of them because he found it was nearly impossible to get a word in edgewise.

"Do you like tending sheep?" Nick asked.

"Ye-"

"'Course he does, why else would he?" Louis cut in, earning an eyeroll from Nick. Niall had lost count of how many he'd given in the short amount of time he'd been in the car.

"Well I don't know, maybe he has a sheep fetish or summat." Nick turned to look at Niall. "You don't, do you?"

Niall sputtered, hardly getting the word "no" out before Louis cut in again.

"You're one to talk about fetishes, Grimshaw."

"Oi, that's not polite conversation, Tomlinson!" Nick smacked the back of Louis' head and he retaliated in a similar fashion.

"Don't smack me when I'm driving, idiot!"

"Don't be an arse when you're driving!"

"I'm not an arse!" Niall buried his face in his hands, trying so hard not to laugh as loudly as he wanted to.

"You absolutely are. After all, you are what you eat." Nick smirked and Niall looked up just in time to see Louis give Nick the most scandalized look he'd ever seen. Louis remained silent, just staring at Nick as he covered his mouth to prevent a slew of giggles from escaping.

"Lads?" Niall ventured softly. They both turned their heads to look back at him and he pointed forward. "We're here."

Louis immediately slammed on the brakes and the car lurched forward to a stop, sending Nick into the dashboard. Niall luckily braced himself against the seat to avoid getting thrown forward as well. Nick cursed loudly and groaned, much to Louis' enjoyment.

"Serves you right." Nick glared at Louis but didn't say anything in return. The pair climbed out of the car while Niall hesitated to do the same. He stared at the massive house through the windshield in front of him, and wished it didn't make his heart race.

He jumped when Nick rapped his knuckles against the window, crouching down to look at Niall through the glass.

"Coming or not?" he asked with a half smile. Niall groaned softly before he climbed out of the car, hoping Nick wouldn't ask why he'd hesitated. It was only then that he realized how tall Nick actually was, and in stark contrast how short Louis was. Niall himself stood a mere few inches taller than Louis, but compared to Nick they were practically tiny.

Niall followed Nick and Louis as they made their way to the front door, surprisingly quiet. He took a deep breath to try and calm himself down as Nick and Louis silently fought over who was going to knock on the door. They settled the argument with a round of rock, paper, scissors in which Nick threw rock and Louis threw paper. Louis cheered triumphantly, using the same hand to land a slap across Nick's face before turning towards the door.

Nick crossed his arms and pouted slightly while Louis pounded his fist against the door, and for a fleeting moment Niall wondered if Nick was going to retaliate. But then Niall caught a flicker of a look that Nick gave Louis that, if Niall didn't know any better, was a mixture of fondness and admiration. It only crossed Nick's features for a second, quickly dissolving when Louis looked back at him.

The door swung open into the house with a loud creak, and Niall's breath caught in his throat before the figure who opened it came into view.

"Oh, bloody hell."

"Lovely to see you too, Gemma." Louis smirked. She rolled her eyes and opened her arms, welcoming Louis with a hug. He stepped aside to let her give Nick a hug as well, while Niall stood nervously on the steps behind them.

Stiles came running out the door behind Gemma, circling around their feet as he barked excitedly. Nick crouched down to scoop him up, both he and Louis speaking to Stiles as if he were a small child as they spoiled him with affection.

"Where's Hazza?" Louis asked, turning away from Stiles as he reached out to touch Gemma's belly. Niall noticed that it had grown considerably since the last time he'd seen her, though he tried not to stare.

"Out," Gemma replied as she swatted Louis' hand away. "If we'd known you were coming, he might've been here."

"That's the whole point of a surprise visit, innit?" Nick replied, jerking his head back away from Stiles' mouth as he tried to nip at his nose. Gemma rolled her eyes again, turning her gaze to Niall and giving him a strange look.

"What're you doing here?" she asked, and Niall tried not to take offense to her tone of voice. It was nowhere near as friendly as it had been a moment ago, but Niall hadn't expected her to welcome him with open arms.

"Lovely Niall here helped us find your godforsaken house," Nick replied. "He's an angel."

"That's not a term I'd use," Gemma mumbled and Niall tried not to wince. "Go on inside, lads, I'll be along in a mo'."

Nick and Louis gave her strange looks but didn't argue, waving goodbye to Niall before they disappeared with Stiles down the hallway behind the door. Gemma crossed her arms and Niall briefly contemplated turning around and running like hell.

"You've got quite the nerve." Niall winced, any shred of hope that Gemma wouldn't be cross with him immediately disappearing. As much as he'd been beating himself up over how he'd last treated Harry, he'd thought that just maybe there was a shred of a chance that Harry wouldn't be upset. Judging by the way Gemma reacted when she saw him, Niall now knew that there was no other way to move forward than to just outright apologize.

"Sorry," Niall mumbled as his eyes dropped to the ground. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, remembering the jumper he'd shoved into one. He slowly pulled it out and stretched out his hand to offer it to Gemma.

"What's this?" she asked, hesitating for a moment before she took it.

"S'for you." Niall gestured to her belly. "For your kid."

Gemma giggled softly as she held it up, laying it over one hand and running her fingers over the wool gently. She looked up at Niall with a smile, which Niall tried to return but still felt too guilty to do much good.

"It's lovely. Did you make it?"

"Me ma taught me," Niall replied. "Hopefully it'll fit."

"If this baby is going to be as big as it bloody well feels, I'm sure it'll be fine." Gemma smiled again. "Thank you."

"S'nothing." Niall shrugged. "I thought I- it's just- I wanted to apologize. Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for what I said, yeah?" Niall turned, intending to start walking home when Gemma's voice stopped him.

"Boyfriend?" she asked. "What are you-" Niall slowly turned back around when he heard Gemma start to laugh.

"What?" he asked, entirely confused as to why she was laughing.

"You think Harry's my boyfriend?" she said between giggles. "Christ, he's my brother, for fuck's sake!"

"Y-Your brother?"

Niall had never wanted the world to open up and swallow him as much as he did in that moment. Gemma continued to laugh as Niall's cheeks turned bright red and he tried to make his feet move to get away. In that moment, he realized that he much preferred Gemma glaring at him for being rude to Harry rather than laughing at him for being a complete idiot.

"Oh, that is too good." She snickered. "You're both absolutely mad." Gemma finally composed herself, pressing the jumper against her chest after her last small laugh. "D'you want to come in? I'm sure Harry would-"

"No," Niall interrupted quickly. "I've got to get back, y'know-" He gestured behind him towards his farm. "Can't leave the dogs alone for too long."

"Right," Gemma answered, and Niall couldn't help but be suspicious of the knowing look that she had. "Thanks again for the jumper, it really is lovely."

"You're welcome," Niall replied as he started to walk backwards away from her. As soon as he turned his back to her, he moved as quickly as he could without it blatantly looking like he was running away.

"See you 'round, Niall!" Gemma called, but Niall didn't answer. All he wanted to do was crawl into his bed and pretend that none of that had ever, _ever_ happened.

But his mind had other plans that night when he finally could collapse into bed. He pulled the sheets over his head, ignoring the whimpers from the dogs, and tried to clear his mind so he could fall asleep.

Brother. Harry and Gemma were brother and sister. Niall had never felt so stupid in his entire life, but he supposed he deserved it. He'd never asked, nor had he ever given either of them a chance to explain.

He shut his eyes, willing himself to stop thinking about his humiliation. It eventually worked and he fell asleep, though his mind continued to torment him and fill his dreams with Harry.

The following morning he rose to find a note pinned to the barn, and his heart stopped.

_How should we like it were stars to burn_

_With a passion for us we could not return?_

_If equal affection cannot be,_

_Let the more loving one be me._

*

Niall couldn't control his mind or his body that day. His mind was constantly playing tricks on him; making him think he heard someone coming up behind him, only to find nobody there when he turned around. His heart wouldn't stop racing, fluttering wildly in his chest whenever he put his hand in his pocket and found Harry's note there.

He kept asking himself the same question: _what does this mean?_ On the one hand, he hoped it meant what he thought it meant: that Harry too had developed a crush, as ridiculous as the idea still sounded in Niall's head. But Niall couldn't contain the nagging feeling at the back of his mind that said he really didn't know anything.

As much as Niall hated to admit that, it was true. He really didn't know a thing. And try as he might, he couldn't work up the courage to seek Harry out and ask.

Even if he could muster up the nerve, there were a million and one reasons in his head for him to not do it. He'd never been in this situation before and he had absolutely no idea how to handle any of it.

Niall felt humiliated when he thought of his romantic history, mainly because there was practically none at all. In his adolescence there had been a few girls he'd kissed, but never anything further because he'd realized it did nothing for him.

And there was one time, ages ago it seemed, where Niall had actually kissed a boy. Looking back on it, Niall determined that it had been the sole reason for his lack of interest in pursuing anything with anyone from then on.

The truth was, all of the hurtful things that his father had said to him since his mother died weren't the first that Niall had heard about himself. It all started with the boy he'd kissed at the young age of fourteen, whose name Niall would never forget no matter how hard he tried.

The kiss lasted for no more than a few seconds before Niall had been pushed away and punched repeatedly, the other boy throwing insults almost as fast as he threw his fist against Niall's face. That was the last time Niall saw him, mainly because that night when he went home he managed to talk his parents into letting him drop out of school.

He never actually admitted the real reason the fight had started, and he was thankful at the time that neither of his parents pressured him to reveal it. Occasionally, Niall would look back on that night and wonder what would've happened if he'd just come clean.

"Don't think about it," Niall mumbled to himself as he ruffled Max's fur. Max looked up at him with glee before running off to chase Ringo around the fence.

Niall let out a soft sigh, pushing those thoughts out of his mind. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, immediately brushing his fingers against Harry's note and he found himself smiling again.

It lasted for about a minute before Niall sank to his knees, pulling his hands from his pockets and gripping his hair tightly.

"I'm so fucked."

*

 Niall endured the ridiculous amount of whining from his dogs as he tried to shut them all up in the shack later that afternoon. Woofsevelt resigned himself to the fact that he wasn't tagging along that evening and curled up on the bed without too much of a fuss, but the other two would not lie down so easily.

"Christ, pups," Niall said with a heavy sigh, "didn't you run around enough today?"

Max and Ringo were circling him and taking turns pawing at the door while Woofsevelt watched with mild interest. Niall rolled his eyes as he tried to command the two younger dogs to join Woofsevelt, though it didn't seem like it was going to work.

"You two are just the worst," he said, pitching his voice so his words sounded like a praise. "Yes you are!"

Niall eventually wedged himself between the dogs and the door, opening it just barely enough to squeeze through while keeping them at bay. When he finally slipped through and pulled the door closed behind him, he tried not to feel overwhelmingly guilty when Max and Ringo started whining and clawing at the door.

"I'll be back before you know it," he called through the door, chuckling softly. "Silly mutts."

He drove his truck the short distance down to the pub, intending on using it as an excuse for cutting out early on drinks if he had to. There was a mild flutter in his stomach that told him the night wasn't going to turn out the way he expected. But, granted he wasn't really sure how he wanted things to go at this point, he supposed that anything could happen.

His theory was proved when he pushed the door of the pub open and walked in to see the familiar crowd joined by two newcomers. Liam already had the double sixes out and scattered across the bar, though he was distracted from seeing Niall come in because he was busy smacking Louis' hands away from the dominoes.

"D'you even know how to play?" Niall heard Liam ask with a laugh as he cautiously walked closer.

"S'just matching, innit? How hard can it be?" Louis replied as he tried to steal another domino, crying out when Liam smacked his hand again.

"Honestly, Lou, can't you just pretend that you're not a total prat?" Nick asked with a smirk, which Louis promptly ignored when he saw Niall approach.

"Lovely Niall!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms around Niall when he tried to sneak by. He froze, looking at Nick with wide eyes who proved to be no help whatsoever.

"Erm, hello, Louis." Niall remained stiff as Nick continued to laugh, finally pulling Louis off of him despite his protests.

"See you've met these lads already," Liam commented once Niall settled into his familiar seat, Zayn greeting him with a pint as he sat down.

"S'pose I have." Niall took a sip and nodded to Zayn. "Cheers, Z."

"They were just telling us how you helped them out yesterday afternoon," Zayn said with an amused smile.

"Dunno what we would've done without him," Nick replied with a grin. "Probably would've ended up in the bloody ocean with the way Lou follows directions."

"I can believe that," Liam mumbled. "Oi, would you quit it?!"

"What?!" Louis frowned as Liam pushed the dominoes away from him. In the few minutes he'd been distracted, Louis had managed to set up a small row and Niall could only imagine that he'd intended to knock them down.

"That's not how you play, you tosser." Liam shook his head, fighting a smile.

"Then teach me!" Niall snickered at Louis as he brought his drink to his lips again, regretting it a moment later when he nearly choked at the sound of a certain voice.

"Wouldn't advise it, mate." Harry smiled. "Louis only understands things when related to footie."

"I do not!" Louis protested, jabbing his elbow into Harry's ribs.

"Do too," Nick replied. "It's a wonder you function at all, Tomlinson."

"Sod off, Grimshaw." Louis glared at Nick and Liam looked at Niall in amusement. Niall, on the other hand, was stuck staring at Harry who was staring right back. It was only when Harry mouthed _hi_ to Niall that he realized he'd been frozen for the better part of five minutes.

"We playing or what?" he said as he quickly turned his attention to Liam, trying to ignore the amused look on Harry's face.

"Not until you teach me!" Louis whined as he made grabby-hands at the dominoes that Liam had put out of his reach.

"Tell you what," Liam said slowly, as if he was talking to a child. "Watch a round or two and then we'll teach you, yeah?"

"Fine," Louis huffed and Niall bit back a laugh. "But you're buying me a drink so flag down your lady who's far too attractive for the likes of you."

Liam rolled his eyes and Niall grinned at the way his cheeks turned pink at the mention of Zayn. He ignored Louis' request, instead turning to Niall and requesting that they begin the game. Niall obliged, trying to concentrate on anything other than the fact that Harry's eyes were still trained on him.

It turned out that Louis was even more of a menace when he joined in on a game than he was when he was just watching. During the first two rounds, he constantly picked up Liam's dominoes and tried to play for him even though he understood almost none of the rules.

When Louis was finally allowed to play, Nick wrapped his arms around him in-between rounds so Louis was unable to fuss with Liam's dominoes. Niall watched in amusement, quirking an eyebrow when Nick whispered things into Louis' ear that caused a mischievous grin to spread across Louis' face.

Niall wasn't sure if he wanted to know what Nick whispered, especially judging by the way Harry's cheeks turned red as he was close enough to hear what Nick had said. He tried not to let his eyes linger too long on Harry, though more often than not he caught Niall staring.

Harry had brought his camera with him that night, and kept himself occupied by taking pictures of all of them. Niall hoped that his cheeks weren't as red as he feared them to be every time he saw Harry snapping his photo out of the corner of his eye. He watched as Nick and Louis posed for several pictures, occasionally tugging Zayn across the bar and into the shot even though each time she fought them and said she had better things to be doing than be in ridiculous pictures with the likes of them.

That, of course, didn't stop Harry from taking several pictures of her with Liam, remarking loudly about how red Liam's face got every time Zayn turned away. Liam gave no answers to his defense, he would simply turn his attention back to the game and mumble a soft 'shut up'.

Niall smiled fondly at the sight, allowing himself to glance at Harry to share in the sentiment.

"You're in a good mood tonight." Niall flinched slightly at the sound of Zayn's voice in his ear, but he recovered with a light chuckle.

"Yeah," he replied as he stared determinedly down at the dominoes on the bar, trying not to glance in Harry's direction again.

"I'm glad," Zayn continued, "I don't like when you're unhappy. It doesn't suit you at all."

"I'll remember that," Niall said with a soft laugh. He brushed Zayn's words off as a laugh, but he knew it was true. Niall knew he'd created a lot of unnecessary tension over the last few weeks, and he hoped that he wouldn't do it again.

"Nice to have some new blood in here, innit?" Niall looked up at Zayn to see she was eyeing Nick, Louis and Harry at the edge of the bar.

"Guess so," Niall said in response, though it was more into his drink than to Zayn. He wished he'd missed the glint in Zayn's eye as she looked down at Niall, who promptly avoided his gaze.

"The little one's a bit of a shit, yeah?" Niall snorted, nodding his head as Liam tried to explain the basic rules to Louis. It wasn't working as well as Liam wanted to, mainly because Louis kept interrupting.

"Dunno how Li hasn't socked him yet," he said as his eyes wandered to Harry, who had joined in on trying to teach Louis how to play.

"Liam's patient. Too patient, sometimes." Zayn shook her head. "You should've heard him after training Perrie."

"Yeah?" Niall said, momentarily distracted by the door to the pub opening. Perrie, Leigh-Anne and Jesy came waltzing in, talking and laughing loudly as they made their way over to them. "Speak of the devil!"

"Talking about us again, Nialler?" Jesy said with a smirk as she slid onto his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Honestly, I expect it from Zayn but you?" Perrie shook her head. "Disappointing, Nialler."

"As if you're not a bigger gossip than Zayn," Niall replied with a laugh as he laid his arm across Jesy's lap. Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he caught a glimpse of Harry frowning but he turned his head before Niall could get a better look.

"How rude!" Perrie gasped. "The very thought!"

"He's right," Zayn said with a grin. Perrie buried her head into Liam's shoulder, whining in his ear about Zayn as he shook his head in return.

"Don't look at me, love," Liam said as he winked at Zayn, "M'not getting in the middle of this."

"Oi, who are they?" Jesy asked Niall, pointing down the bar at Nick and Louis.

"Observant, you are." Niall grinned, ducking slightly to avoid Jesy swatting his head. "You lot are in early tonight, special occasion?"

"Jesy wouldn't stop whinging about not seeing you this week," Leigh-Anne said with a giggle, hiding behind Perrie to avoid Jesy's arm swinging in her direction.

"Sod off, all of you!" Jesy said with a pout.

"It's true," Perrie added. "Honestly, Niall, just shag her already so she'll shut up."

This time, Niall didn't miss the way Harry's smile switched to a frown as he looked at him and Jesy. He also didn't miss how both Nick and Louis gave Harry similar sympathetic looks while everyone was distracted. Niall wasn't sure how to react to any of it, so he simply chose to change the subject.

"And here I thought you lot were finally going to learn how to play dominoes."

"Don't do it," Louis replied. "It's an impossible game."

"It's not impossible, you're just shit at it." Nick laughed, sending everyone around into a fit of laughter as well. Amidst the introductions that followed, Niall locked eyes with Harry and offered a smile. One look at Harry's face did little to quell his nerves, but there was little he could do. He tried not to dwell on the fact that Harry's camera had gone from its place on the top of the bar to hanging around Harry's neck, seemingly forgotten.

The girls left the bar in favor of finding a table shortly after, with Perrie loudly stating that they had far better things to discuss than the strategies of dominoes. She gave Niall a warm smile and a wink to let him know she was only teasing, but he rolled his eyes and waved her off.

"You'll come back!" he called, shaking his head before he turned back to the bar and finished his drink. Zayn disappeared from his side to fetch another, and only when she came back with two did Niall realize he wasn't alone.

"Charming girls," Harry commented as he leaned against the bar between Niall and Liam. Niall tried to ignore the way Zayn smirked at him before she disappeared again, finding his hands a bit shaky as he reached for his new drink.

"They're a handful," Niall replied before taking a sip. Harry raised an eyebrow and gave Niall an amused smile as he wrapped his fingers around his own drink, bringing it closer to him but not to his lips.

"That one, Jesy? She seems to fancy you quite a bit."

"Dunno why." Niall shook his head. "She's mad, I s'pose."

"Why?" Harry asked. "Because she fancies you?"

Niall shrugged his shoulders, trying to fight a smile as Harry stepped closer. He instinctively tightened his grip on his glass as Harry's hand brushed against his hip, his fingers lightly teasing along the hem of his shirt. Harry let out a low chuckle as he leaned forward, his breath brushing against Niall's ear and sending a shiver down his spine as he spoke.

"S'pose I'm mad as well, then." Niall let out a sharp breath, turning his head towards Harry but leaning back just enough to keep space between them.

"Definitely."

The corners of Harry's mouth twitched upwards as he stood up straight, continuing to smile as he sipped at his drink. They sat in silence until Liam poked his head around Harry, begging them both to save him from Louis' idiocy.

"I resent that!"

"No, love, you _resemble_ that." Louis glared at Nick, who blew him a kiss in return. The other three laughed, and Niall scooted closer to Harry in order to grab a new hand of dominoes. He pretended not to notice the way Harry stiffened slightly when Niall brushed his hand over the small of his back, and he smiled when Harry's hand dropped to drag his fingers along Niall's knee.

"Harry, you playing?" Liam asked, turning around in his seat slightly to look up at him. Niall tried not to jump when Harry gripped his knee, retaliating by pinching Harry lightly.

"I'll play on Niall's team."

"We're doing teams now?" Louis asked, quirking an eyebrow. "Liam, you're on mine."

"Oh, Christ," Liam muttered.

"C'mon Li, it'll be fun." Niall grinned.

"As if I need more help losing," Liam grumbled as he shuffled the remaining dominoes.

"You'll never win with that attitude!" Louis said, clapping his hand against Liam's shoulder.

Despite Louis' enthusiasm, it didn't help them win against Niall and Harry. Not that Harry did much to help, choosing mostly to lean down and whisper things in Niall's ear that had absolutely nothing to do with the game.

Niall didn't mind, because even when he was mildly distracted by Harry's slightly dirty murmurs in his ear he still managed to rack up a ridiculous amount of points. He also didn't mind how Harry's fingers traced slow designs across his thigh, hidden from view of the others.

When they finally lost, Liam groaned loudly while Louis cursed the whole game.

"It's rigged! Bloody rigged!"

"I don't think you can rig dominoes, love." Nick shook his head, drowning his laughter in his drink while Louis continued to moan about how unfair the rules were and the odds had clearly been stacked against him.

"Next time I'm on Niall's team," Louis grumbled and Niall bit his lip when Harry's hand stilled against his thigh.

"Absolutely not," Liam replied. "One of these days I'm going to win, and if I have to be on a team with Niall, so be it!"

"Popular, aren't we?" Harry whispered in Niall's ear, causing Niall to shiver.

"Can't help meself." Niall smirked, inhaling sharply when Harry dragged his nails against his thigh. It was Harry's turn to smirk, giving Niall a quick pinch as he turned back to the others.

"Think it's time to call it a night, yeah?" he asked Nick and Louis. "Gemma will murder us all if we interrupt her beauty sleep."

"Yeah, yeah, alright," Louis grumbled as he and Nick started gathering their things and saying their goodbyes to Liam and Zayn. Harry turned to Niall and flashed him a grin before he downed the rest of his drink and left his side.

Niall only vaguely heard and responded to Nick and Louis saying good night as he watched Harry head for the door. Liam nudged him to assist in cleaning up the dominoes, tearing his attention away from the door.

"I should probably get going as well," Niall said as he cleared his throat. "Gotta get up early and all that."

"Yeah, yeah," Liam replied, rolling his eyes. "Leave me to clean up as usual."

"Love you, Li." Niall grinned before tossing back the rest of his drink. He waved to Zayn, who smirked in response. Niall didn't stop to question it as he headed for the door, tossing a quick goodbye over his shoulder to the girls.

Niall wasn't quite sure what he was expecting as he stepped outside, but he couldn't hold back the smile when he saw Harry leaning against his truck. He smiled at Niall as he played with the cap on his camera lens, finally taking it off and raising it enough to take another picture of Niall.

"Thought you were going home," he said casually as he walked towards Harry.

"Had to say something, didn't I?" Harry replied with a smile as he lowered his camera and replaced the cap.

"What about Nick and Louis?"

"They'll find their way." Niall raised an eyebrow and Harry shrugged. "Eventually."

"As long as they don't end up at my farm again," Niall replied with a chuckle. "Dunno how those two get along well enough to get anywhere." Harry snorted.

"You should've seen them before they started shagging."

"They're…what?" Niall's eyes widened and Harry snickered.

"They drink, they fight, they shag." He shrugged. "Dunno how it works but it does."

"That's mad." Harry shrugged again and Niall shook his head. "Utterly mad."

Harry smiled as he carefully set his camera down on the hood of Niall's truck and reached his hand out towards Niall, smiling wider when Niall took it. Harry pulled Niall to him, hooking his finger through Niall's front belt loop when he was close enough. Niall's breath grew shallow the closer he got to Harry, and he could feel his heart beat faster with every second that passed.

Niall turned his head back towards the door of the pub, inhaling sharply when he felt Harry's nose brush against his neck. He pressed a light kiss to the skin below Niall's jaw, sending a sharp shiver down Niall's spine.

"W-We should go," Niall mumbled softly, trying to keep his mind clear while Harry did close to everything in his power to distract him.

"Where?" Harry asked, barely above a whisper. "To yours?"

Niall froze for a moment before shaking his head, hoping that Harry didn't notice his hesitation.

"Nah, yours?"

"Gemma'd kill me," Harry replied with a snicker against Niall's neck that sent a new wave of shivers down his spine.

Niall took a deep breath and placed his hand over Harry's, pulling it away from him despite Harry's soft whine of protest. He laughed softly as he looked at Harry, an idea coming to him a moment later.

"Get in the truck." He stepped away from Harry, who stayed in place and gave him a strange look.

"What?"

"Just trust me, yeah?" Niall smiled and Harry shook his head, but didn't protest further as he grabbed his camera and put the strap back around his neck. He wrenched the passenger side door open, stumbling back a little when it didn't open as easily as he expected on the first try. Niall stifled a snicker when Harry narrowed his eyes, but he cracked a smile a moment later and the two burst into laughter.

Harry slid across the seat to rest his head on Niall's shoulder, and Niall found himself enjoying the way his heart sped up when his hand closed around Harry's. It was the first time he'd ever felt that way, and part of him wished he'd opened himself up to the possibility before.

"So where're we going?" Harry asked, tilting his head up so his nose brushed the underside of Niall's jaw. Niall hummed in amusement and turned so his lips pressed a light kiss to the side of Harry's head.

"You'll see." Harry huffed softly and Niall's smile grew wider.

"But I want to know now."

"We'll be there soon," Niall replied as he kissed Harry's temple again. Harry huffed again, burying his head into Niall's neck as he grumbled under his breath.

Niall remained silent for the rest of the drive, occasionally chuckling at Harry's soft mumbles. He decided to take Harry to one of his favorite spots just outside of town. He pulled off the main road, ignoring Harry's query to where they were going again, slowly coming to a stop near the coast.

"C'mon," he said softly once he turned off the engine, pulling away from Harry to open the door. "You have to see the view."

Harry followed Niall out the door, standing by the side of the truck silently with a fond look as he watched Niall struggle to pull down the tailgate down. Niall tried a few more times before laughing awkwardly and hoisting himself over it, reaching out his hand to help Harry do the same.

"Meant to fix that," he mumbled, and Harry smiled at him.

"S'alright," he replied as he turned his back to the cab of the truck, holding his camera up to take a picture. Niall watched as Harry fiddled with the settings before taking a few more pictures. Niall slowly settled himself against the cab, continuing to watch Harry do what he loved and silently wishing that this moment could last forever.

Harry turned around and smiled brightly at Niall, dropping his camera so it hung around his neck as he crawled towards him; lacing their fingers together almost immediately once he was curled up next to Niall.

"Gorgeous" Harry said softly as he pulled the strap of his camera from around his neck and gently set it aside on the truck bed. Niall chuckled softly as Harry tore his eyes away from the view before them to look at him, and they both smiled at each other.

Niall started drawing nonsensical designs on the back of Harry's hand, smiling at the way goosebumps sprung up in the wake of his fingertips. He let his hand drift across to slide up Harry's chest, noting the way Harry's breath quickened the further up he went.

He traced a finger along Harry's jawline, watching as his eyes fluttered shut and he leaned into Niall's touch. When Harry opened his eyes again, he brought his own hand up to cup Niall's cheek and gently pull him closer. Niall sucked in a shallow breath as their lips met and he finally felt what he'd been searching for all these years.

Whatever it was that Niall felt, he thought Harry felt it too with the way he immediately pressed himself against Niall. He pulled his other hand from Niall's grasp, reaching up to join his other that found its way to Niall's hair. Harry tugged gently and Niall opened his mouth to moan, though it was muffled when Harry took the opportunity to deepen the kiss.

Niall wrapped one arm around Harry's waist, the other clutching the nape of his neck as Harry climbed on top of him and pressed his body flush against Niall's. Niall's grip on him instinctively tightened when Harry rocked his hips against him, and they both pulled away to moan.

Harry pressed his forehead against Niall's and let out a breathy laugh as he stared down, catching Niall's eye and smiling. Niall's breath hitched again when Harry started to grind against him, and he dropped both hands to Harry's waist to grip his hips tightly.

"Harry-" he gasped out as Harry pressed his lips against Niall's neck and started to suck a mark into his pale skin. Niall fought to control his breathing, trying to calm down even though it was coming out in short, shaky bursts.

"Niall," Harry purred as he licked the mark he'd made, sending more shivers down Niall's spine. He kept moving his hips against Niall's, smirking as he felt Niall's erection grow harder.

"Harry, I've-" He was cut off by Harry pressing their lips together again, but he was adamant in getting his words out that he gently pushed Harry back. "I've never-"

"What?" Harry asked in a low, gruff voice as he continued to leave kisses along Niall's jawbone.

"N-Never done this before," Niall managed to say before he turned his head to find Harry's lips again. Harry couldn't help but smile through the kiss, slowly sliding off of Niall just enough so he could slip one hand between them.

"S'alright," he murmured softly. "I'll take care of you."

Niall didn't have a chance to ask how before Harry's fingers were unbuttoning the top of his jeans, dragging the zipper down against his erection and causing him to shudder at the touch. Niall moaned into Harry's mouth when his palm pressed down against him, staying there for only a moment before he was tugging Niall's pants down.

Niall sucked in a sharp breath and shivered as his cock met the cool night air, his hips jerking upwards when Harry wrapped his hand around it. He started to stroke Niall slowly and gently, keeping their lips together as he swallowed Niall's moans.

"Can I-" Harry groaned into Niall's mouth, greedily sucking on his tongue as he started working his hand faster. Niall could only moan in response, but Harry took it to mean yes judging by the way his hips moved to match the speed of his hand.

He pulled away, smirking when Niall let out a soft whimper. Harry didn't let it deter him as he slid down Niall's body and settled between his legs. He wrapped his hand around the base of Niall's cock and stuck out his tongue to lick a tentative stripe upwards, keeping his eyes on Niall's face the whole time.

Harry couldn't help but smile at the way Niall shook under his touch, squeezing his eyes shut as he fought to breathe normally. Harry took his eyes off Niall for a moment as he wrapped his lips around the head of his cock, hollowing his cheeks and sucking just enough to elicit a moan from Niall that was louder than the ones to come before it.

"Oh, oh, _fuck_ -" Niall groaned as Harry lowered his head further onto Niall's cock, moving his hand up and down on what his mouth couldn't take.

Niall's hands found their way into Harry's hair and he couldn't stop himself from tangling his fingers in the curls and tugging hard. Harry moaned around Niall's cock, and Niall took that to mean that he liked having his hair pulled so he kept doing it.

There was no conceivable way for Niall to breathe properly while Harry was sucking him, so he gave up on trying to control anything. He started panting, moaning and saying everything that crossed his mind. Most of it was unintelligible rambling with curses and Harry's name thrown in, but not a single word deterred Harry from what he wanted to do.

Niall opened his eyes and stared down at Harry, meeting his eyes and stuttering out a loud curse at the sight. If it was possible, Niall grew harder by looking at the obscene way Harry's mouth stretched around his cock. Harry pulled off slowly, teasing his tongue around the head as he breathed heavily.

"Gonna come?" he grunted, tonguing the slit and nearly causing Niall's eyes to roll into the back of his head. He nodded frantically, hoping it would get Harry to swallow him down again.

Harry licked another stripe up Niall's cock, sucking the head into his mouth and moaning around it to earn another string of curses from Niall.

"Want you to," he groaned, bringing his head up just long enough to see the pleading look in Niall's eyes.

"Wanna-" he cried helplessly, thrusting his hips up into Harry's hand. "So much."

Harry smirked quickly before he sank back down onto Niall's cock, sucking harder than he had before and making Niall cry out even louder. It only took a few more jerks of Harry's hand before he felt the edge of his orgasm.

"Harry-" he moaned, unable to say anything else before he started coming deep down Harry's throat. Harry kept sucking, swallowing all that Niall had to offer while he practically fell apart underneath him.

Niall whimpered softly when Harry finally pulled off of him, helping to tuck himself back in his trousers before he cuddled up to Niall's side. He attached his lips to Niall's neck, sucking on the same spot he'd marked earlier.

"What about you?" Niall managed to say between shaky breaths, and he felt Harry smile against his skin.

"Don't have to-"

"I want to," Niall interrupted, reaching down between them to cup his hand around Harry's erection. Harry inhaled sharply, his hips jerking against Niall's hand at the sudden contact.

"Won't last long," Harry said as he panted against Niall's neck. "Not after that."

"Tell me what to do?" Niall asked softly, rubbing his hand against Harry as he propped himself up with his other arm to hover over him. Harry didn't answer, but instead reached up and pulled on Niall's collar to crash their lips together.

True to his word, it didn't take long before Harry was panting into Niall's mouth and shaking uncontrollably against him. He eventually pulled Niall's hand away, wrapping it around his waist as he pressed their bodies together. Harry sighed in contentment as he tipped his head back to look at Niall's face, smiling when their eyes met.

"Hi," he whispered softly.

"Hi," Niall replied as he tilted his head down, feeling a blush spread across his face when he though about what had just happened. He leaned forward and kissed Harry's lips gently, sighing softly once he pulled away.

"Happy?" Harry asked.

"Definitely." Niall pressed his forehead against Harry's and sighed again. "I want to do that for you, next time."

"Next time?" Harry said in an amused tone. "I like the sound of that."

They both laughed softly, curling into each other as a light breeze passed by. Harry laced their fingers together, looking down at them with a soft smile. He reached behind him for his camera, and Niall bit his lip as he watched Harry take a picture of their hands. He lifted it again to take a picture of Niall's face, despite his soft protest. Harry leaned forward to press his lips against Niall's neck, murmuring encouragement until Niall turned his head to bring their lips together. He smiled into the kiss as he heard the soft click from the shutter, knowing he wouldn't need the photo to remember this moment forever.

"Can't believe you thought Gemma and I were together," Harry mumbled, nuzzling his face against Niall's neck as he put his camera aside again.

"Shut up," Niall mumbled in response, feeling his cheeks burn in embarrassment.

"And the jumper," Harry went on, "I nearly cried, you tosser."

"I was trying to apologize." Niall sighed, closing his eyes as he buried his face in Harry's curls.

"You're bloody adorable," Harry said as he leaned into Niall. "S'not fair."

"Shut up," Niall repeated, smiling when Harry kissed his neck.

"Absolutely adorable," Harry murmured softly.

*

 Niall awoke the next morning with a shiver, blinking wearily as his surroundings came into focus. He froze for a moment - not knowing where he was - but when he tried to move there came a groan from beside him and he felt arms wrap around him tighter.

"Come back," Harry murmured softly, his eyes still closed as he tried to nuzzle back into his spot against Niall's neck. "S'too early."

Niall couldn't help but smile as he looked down at Harry, slowly easing back into place despite the fact that his joints were aching from sleeping in the back of the truck in the cold. Harry hummed in contentment as he pressed his face against Niall's skin, sending a shiver down Niall's spine since Harry's nose was freezing.

He checked his watch, though judging by the sun in the sky he already had an idea about what time it was. Cursing softly, he gently shook Harry's shoulder in an effort to rouse him. He groaned again, shaking his head as he tried to hide his face from Niall.

"No," he whined softly. "Don't wanna."

"Have to," Niall replied. "I have to get back."

Harry sighed heavily as he finally picked his head up and opened his eyes. He frowned as he looked at Niall, but it slowly changed into a smile as he leaned forward and kissed him.

"I like waking up next to you," he said against Niall's lips, earning a chuckle in response.

"So do I. Though I'd prefer a bed, to be honest." They both smiled and Harry pressed another kiss to Niall's lips before rolling onto his back and stretching. He winced slightly as he adjusted his jeans, snickering softly when Niall looked at him in mild concern.

"Think I might have to toss these pants. Gemma would never speak to me again if I threw them in the wash for her to do."

"She does your wash?" Niall asked, raising his eyebrow and Harry shrugged.

"Mostly because she says I can't be trusted to do it." He sat up and Niall followed suit.

"Somehow I'm not surprised," he replied and Harry rolled his eyes.

"Shut up," he mumbled before pulling Niall in for another kiss. Niall moaned softly and felt Harry smirk against his lips. "Sure we have to leave?" he asked as he pulled back slightly.

"Yes," Niall answered breathlessly even though he really wanted to say no.

"Fine," Harry replied with a heavy sigh, dropping his hand from Niall's cheek and turning away to grab his camera. Niall scooted to the end of the truck bed, managing to kick the tailgate down before sliding out of the truck. He turned back and offered his hand to Harry, who took it with a smile before he climbed out of the truck as well.

They stayed mostly silent as they climbed into the front seat, though Harry wasted no time in cuddling up to Niall. He slipped one hand between Niall's thighs and gently palmed his groin, smiling as he kissed the exposed skin of his neck while Niall let out a soft groan.

"Harry-" he choked out with a laugh. "What're you-"

"Got time for a quickie, haven't we?" he said in Niall's ear as he tugged on the zipper of his jeans. Niall let out a shaky breath but didn't protest. Harry smirked as he pulled out Niall's cock, already half hard under Harry's touch.

Niall moaned when Harry wrapped his lips around the head, working his hand along the shaft to get him harder. He gripped the steering wheel tightly, trying to prevent himself from tangling his hands in Harry's hair like he had before.

"Get a move on, yeah?" Harry said as he lifted his head up, still stroking Niall as he gave him a cheeky grin. "Can't stay here all day, can we?"

Niall opened his mouth to reply but all that came out was a strangled groan as Harry sank back down on his cock and started sucking. Niall struggled to keep his hand steady as he reached for the keys in the ignition, half-praying that the truck didn't start.

By the time Niall pulled up in front of Harry's house, he'd come so hard that he couldn't believe he hadn't crashed the truck. Harry wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, reaching down and palming himself through his jeans afterwards.

Niall turned off the engine and pulled Harry to him, shoving his tongue in Harry's mouth as he pressed the heel of his hand against Harry's and helped him get off in his jeans for the second time. Harry moaned into Niall's mouth but didn't pull away as he came, gripping the back of Niall's head and pulling hard on his hair.

"Fuck," he groaned as his hips jerked forward with the last wave of his orgasm. He hummed happily as Niall slowly pulled away, sliding down from his lips to his neck.

"That's two I owe you," he mumbled against Harry's skin and he laughed again.

"Really do have to chuck these pants now."

Niall laughed heartily, pressing his forehead against Harry's neck as Harry dragged his fingers through Niall's hair. He lifted his head up and Harry leaned down to kiss him again, but it was short-lived as a knock sounded on the driver side window.

Niall whipped his head around, immediately turning scarlet when he saw Nick and Louis smirking at the two of them.

"Oh for fuck's sake," Harry grumbled as he threw up two fingers at the pair of them. "D'you mind?"

"Where've you been all night, young man?" Louis asked, crossing his arms in an effort to look menacing. "I've been up half the night worried!"

"You didn't even know he hadn't come back until you woke up," Nick retorted with an amused smile.

"Shut it," Louis hissed. "I was up half the night!"

"Not because you were worried," Nick continued, "you were up half the night with my-"

"NOT THE POINT, GRIMSHAW!"

"Honestly, would you two fuck off?" Harry interrupted, wrapping his arms around Niall who had never been more embarrassed in his life. He was positive that his whole body was covered in a blush that would never go away.

"Fine," Louis huffed. "I need more tea anyway." He turned on his heel and headed for the front door while Nick stayed behind for a moment.

"The least you could do is invite the poor boy in for breakfast," he said as he looked at Niall. "He looks scared half to death."

"It's from looking at your face, Grimmy." Harry beamed while Nick pressed a hand to his chest and feigned hurt.

"Louis is an awful influence on you." Nick shook his head as he walked away, heading in the direction Louis had gone. Harry chuckled lightly and kissed Niall's temple.

"Sorry about that," he whispered. "They mean well."

"Yeah," Niall mumbled. "I really should get going."

"I know," Harry replied with a frown. "Don't want you to, though."

Niall tried to offer Harry a smile, but truth be told he was still so mortified that he could hardly move. Harry cupped his hand around Niall's jaw and brought their lips together, stroking Niall's cheek with his thumb when he pulled away.

"See you later, yeah?"

"Yeah," Niall answered softly. Harry smiled, kissing him once more before he was sliding towards the passenger door with his camera in his hands. Niall remained frozen in his place until Harry had closed the front door behind him, having waved and blown a kiss to Niall.

Niall shook his head abruptly before turning the key in the ignition and listening to the sound of the engine roaring to life. He willed himself not to look at the house in the rearview mirror as he drove away, running his tongue over his lips and still tasting Harry.

He was surprised to find that the dogs hadn't completely torn the shack apart in his absence, but wasn't surprised at all that they were extremely happy to see him. So much so that Ringo and Max knocked him onto his back and started licking his face eagerly while Woofsevelt barked happily.

"Missed you too, mutts." Niall smiled as he pushed them away and got to his feet. He quickly changed his clothes before heading to the barn, well aware that his day was going to be much longer than normal since he was getting such a late start.

He smiled when he thought about waking up next to Harry, but he couldn't shake off the embarrassment from Louis and Nick finding them. It was enough to send his mind into overdrive, and Niall into a panic.

Every good feeling that he'd had was wiped out in a millisecond, and he returned to the shell of a boy he'd been. His head was reeling, his mind working overtime at a million miles a second with the thousands of terrified thoughts that had suddenly flooded it.

He felt like an idiot; he'd never been so irresponsible, and he was forcing himself to pay the price. What that was exactly, Niall wasn't sure, but his mind wasn't going to rest until he figured it out.

*

Unlike the week before, Niall wasn't dreading his delivery to Liam's shop. He was so preoccupied with thoughts of Harry and that morning that he didn't have time to think about anything else. Niall was practically on autopilot as he wandered through town in his truck making deliveries, greeting his patrons with the minimum amount of words necessary to be polite.

It wasn't until Liam laid a hand on his shoulder that he even realized he'd been asked a question. Niall gave a start, causing Liam to jump as well.

"Sorry," he muttered sheepishly as Liam started to laugh.

"S'alright," he replied as he gently shook Niall's shoulder. "Looked a bit lost in your thoughts, eh?"

"Something like that." Niall shrugged and Perrie rolled her eyes.

"Have a good night?" she asked with a smirk. "Y'know Jesy was quite upset that you left so suddenly."

"Not Jesy again," Liam begged as he rolled his eyes. "I heard enough this morning, yeah? Don't need more."

"I'm just saying," Perrie continued, ignoring Liam entirely, "I think they'd make quite the pair."

Niall's ears started ringing as Liam and Perrie began to argue back and forth about his own life. He barely heard a word that was said over the sound of his own heart pounding. A yell echoed throughout the shop, and only when both Perrie and Liam fell silent and stared did Niall realize he was the one yelling.

"You alright, mate?" Liam asked tentatively.

"No," Niall muttered, his voice raspy from yelling. "No, I'm not bloody alright."

"See what you've done, Pezza?" Liam grumbled.

"I-I'm sorry, I- Niall, I just-"

"S'fine," Niall interrupted. "Just stay out of it, alright?" He looked up at her and she closed her mouth tightly, nodding with wide eyes. Niall felt a twinge of regret in his chest, but not enough to make him try and take it back.

He started to head towards the door with his trolley, but Liam caught his elbow. Niall turned around to tell him to let go, but he paused when he saw the worry in Liam's eyes.

"Dominoes tonight?" he asked softly. "Just you and me?"

"Yeah," Niall replied after a moment, his heart feeling heavier within his chest with each passing second. "You and me."

Liam didn't reply other than a slight nod of his head, loosening his grip on Niall's elbow and letting him leave the shop. He paused for a minute once the door closed behind him, trying not to eavesdrop on the rather loud argument between Liam and Perrie that started up the moment he left.

He glanced down the street towards the coffee shop, where he saw Leigh-Anne wiping down one of the tables outside. She looked up and saw him, lifting her arm to wave before she returned to what she was doing. Niall let out a breath of relief, thankful that she hadn't called out his name or tried to get him to come by.

The one thing he liked the most about Leigh-Anne was that she was nowhere near as pushy as the others could be. Niall needed it more then than he ever had before, especially because he wasn't sure how any of the girls would react if Perrie told them how he'd acted. Which, if he was being honest, was bound to happen before the day was out.

Niall tugged his trolley to his truck, tossing it into the back as he normally did. He froze in place when he heard a loud curse, immediately turning back and looking to see where it came from.

"Harry?!"

"The fuck?!" Harry sat up, pouting as he rubbed his leg where the trolley had hit him and cradled his camera in his other hand.

"The f- What the hell are you doing in my truck?" he asked, trying not to laugh at Harry's pain but failing miserably.

"I was going to surprise you," Harry replied with his bottom lip still pulled down in a pout. "I couldn't get the passenger door open so I figured here was just as good."

Niall shook his head, rolling his eyes as Harry slid towards him.

"That is until you tossed a bloody trolley at me."

"I didn't know you were there!"

Harry gripped the tailgate, now sitting directly in front of Niall and still pouting. Niall shook his head at the sight and Harry let out a sigh.

"You know what will make it better?" he asked, staring down at the tailgate as he ran his finger along the edge.

"What?" Niall asked, though he was sure he already knew the answer.

"A kiss."

Yes, that was exactly what Niall expected Harry to say. And as much as he wanted to, he couldn't let himself do it in broad daylight. _Not again_ , he thought.

Harry gave him a confused look when he turned away, and tentatively reached out for Niall's hand to coax him back. Niall sighed heavily as he let Harry grab his hand, but he didn't meet his gaze.

"Niall?" Harry whispered softly. "What's wrong?"

"Can't do this," he mumbled. "Not here."

"Okay," Harry replied slowly. "Then let's go somewhere else."

Niall bit his lip, quickly looking around to see if anyone was watching them. Surprisingly, for a small town, there was nobody around. He looked back at Harry and nodded, helping him climb out of the truck bed. Harry's hand lingered on his as they walked towards the passenger side door, Niall being able to wrench it open so Harry could get in.

He tried not to think about how cold his hand felt when Harry took his back, and he also tried to ignore the way his heart skipped a beat every time Harry so much as glanced in his direction.

Harry slid close after Niall climbed into the cab and he stiffened when Harry took his hand, but relaxed when it was clear that's all Harry was going to do. As much as he wanted to be able to show all the affection as he felt towards Harry, Niall was terrified.

By the time they made it back to Niall's farm, he was shaking so much that Harry was nearly as scared as Niall was. As soon as he could turn off the engine, Niall pressed his forehead to the steering wheel and sighed heavily.

"Niall, what's wrong?" Harry asked, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Niall whimpered, trying to hold back tears. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, it's okay." Harry sighed, running his hand through Niall's hair in an effort to calm him down. "Why are you sorry?"

"I can't do this." Niall slumped back in his seat and looked at Harry, well aware that he was now crying as Harry stared back with wide eyes.

"What? What are you talking about?"

"I-I'm not- I can't-" Niall could hardly get the words out through his tears, but Harry waited patiently until he could compose himself.

"I'm sorry," he repeated after he took a deep breath. "I've never done this before."

"You said that last night," Harry replied. "Do you mean…?"

"Any of this," Niall interrupted, waving his hand around between the two of them. "Christ, I've never even-" he cut himself off and buried his face in his hands.

"Niall…" Harry pulled Niall's hands away from his face, but Niall refused to meet his eye.

"Nobody knows about me," he admitted quietly. "I only ever told me mum-" he paused to take a deep breath, "-and she died the next day."

"Oh my- Niall…" Harry threw his arms around Niall's neck and held him tightly as Niall started sobbing into his shoulder. "It's okay."

"No, it's not." Niall pulled away and rubbed furiously at his eyes. "I can't tell anyone in my life anything because I'm-" he paused again and sighed heavily as he shook his head.

"You're what?" Harry asked.

"Scared." Niall laughed darkly. "I'm downright fucking terrified."

"Everyone's scared," Harry replied as he cautiously brought his hand up to frame Niall's face, gently running his fingers through Niall's hair. "But…you haven't even told Liam? Or Zayn? I can't imagine they'd-"

"I just can't, alright?" Niall snapped. "It's been too long, I can't."

"That's bullshit, Niall." He finally turned his head to meet Harry's eyes, and he felt his anger crumble to nothing.

"It- It's complicated."

"Let me help," Harry offered. "I've been where you are. It'll all be alright if you let them in."

"I can't-"

"You can," he said firmly. "I know it's scary and I know it seems like the end of the world, but for fuck's sake Niall, do you really think your best mates would treat you any differently just because you fancy blokes?"

Niall let out a soft breath and Harry offered a small smile, though as he quirked his eyebrow it was clear he wasn't quite finished.

"Honestly, with someone like Liam around I'm surprised I even had a chance," he whispered suggestively into Niall's ear.

"Oh Christ," Niall groaned, pushing Harry away who was now grinning like a madman. "Just because I fancy blokes doesn't mean I could ever fancy Liam. That'd be like fancying my brother!"

"So I don't have competition?" Harry asked as he slid closer, wrapping his arms around Niall's waist. "Good to know."

Niall laughed again, his breath coming out heavier when Harry attached his lips to his neck in a soft kiss. He cupped Harry's cheek with one hand and brought their lips together, sighing softly when he pulled away.

"No competition at all."

"Good." Harry kissed him again. "I don't like to share."

*

Harry hung around the farm while Niall tended to his duties, trying not to be distracted by the fact that all three of his dogs absolutely loved Harry. He distracted them from their herding duties by playing around with them and constantly taking picture after picture, but Niall couldn't really bring himself to chastise any of them for it.

After Niall had finally corralled all of the sheep back into the barn, Harry excused himself from his side to make a quick phone call. Niall didn't think much of it, if he was being honest with himself he was mildly relieved because now he could round up the dogs and take them to the shack without having Harry follow.

None of them seemed particularly happy about being shut up in the shack again, and Niall felt awful for doing it two nights in a row.

"Promise I'll come back tonight," he mumbled softly as he pet each one in turn. "And I'll bring treats. I swear."

Ringo whined, Max made a low growling sound and Woofsevelt just stared at Niall with wide eyes that made his heart ache.

"Don't look at me like that."

Niall pulled all of them close, nuzzling his face against Max's fur as he rubbed Ringo and Max's backs. Without another word, he quickly rose to his feet and slipped out the door before they could get a chance to follow.

He heaved a deep sigh as he turned away from the shack and started walking back towards the barn. Harry appeared a minute or two later with a smile on his face.

"There you are! I've got a surprise for you."

"Oh yeah?" Niall smirked. "What is it?"

"Can't tell you, can I?" Harry shook his head. "That would ruin it!"

"Alright, alright." He smiled.

"C'mon, it's at my place." Harry extended his hand towards Niall, who hesitated for a brief moment before interlacing his fingers with Harry's.

"Shouldn't we take my truck?" he asked as Harry led him past the truck and down towards the road.

"S'not that far," Harry replied with a smile. "I'm not shit with directions like Louis, you know."

"Glad to hear it." He tightened his grip on Harry's hand, taking a deep breath as they crossed the road. Niall glanced around to see if there was anyone nearby, and Harry pretended not to notice.

"I do understand, y'know," Harry piped up after a few minutes of silently walking along the road to his property.

"You do?" Niall asked, only vaguely certain he knew what Harry was talking about.

"Yeah." Harry chuckled and cleared his throat, distractedly running his fingers along the covered lens of his camera. "You're, um, not the first bloke I've fancied that was, y'know."

"What?"

"Still in the closet," Harry added hesitantly.

"Oh." Niall wasn't sure how else to respond, nor was he sure how to accept that knowledge. It was silly, but he'd never even imagined that Harry had been with anyone else. He felt his cheeks turn red at the realization, and he was embarrassed to have been so naïve.

"I'm just saying-" Harry continued, "-that I get it. It's really hard to come out to everyone you know when they've always thought of you one way and now you have to tell them it's all wrong." Harry took a breath but didn't let Niall reply. "I just- I guess I'm just confused as to how your two best mates in the world haven't realized, y'know?"

"I don't talk about meself much," Niall mumbled.

"And the thing with Jesy-" Harry let out a wry laugh. "I just don't even know where to begin with that."

"Don't," Niall pleaded. Harry turned his head, catching the immediate shift in Niall's demeanor before he nodded.

"I won't," he replied softly.

"Thanks." Niall sighed as they reached the front door, and it was then that he realized Louis' car wasn't parked outside. "Where's-"

"Out," Harry answered with a smile. "Gemma and Stiles too. We've got the place to ourselves."

"That's the surprise?" Niall asked with a slight smirk. "Cheeky, that is."

"Yeah, well," Harry laughed and shrugged his shoulders before stepping closer to Niall. "Reckon you've got a few things to make up to me, yeah?"

He chewed on his bottom lip nervously, looking down at the ground as his cheeks turned red. Harry slipped his hand under Niall's chin and tipped it back up so he could kiss him. Niall sighed softly through the kiss, opening his mouth to let Harry's tongue in.

Harry pressed Niall against the door and let his hands roam down his chest, causing Niall to shudder under his touch. He slipped one hand under Niall's shirt and skimmed his fingers along Niall's waist before pulling back to look him in the eye.

"S'pose we'd better take this inside, yeah?" he whispered in a breathless voice.

"Yeah," Niall breathed out, his body aching with want. He pulled Harry back in for another kiss while Harry fumbled to open the door behind him.

The kiss was broken and they were both sent into a fit of giggles when the door opened and Niall stumbled backwards over the threshold. Harry followed him with a bit more grace, pushing the door closed and immediately tugging him up the stairs.

Niall honestly expected Harry to pull him into a bedroom, but it didn't stop his chest from seizing up just a bit when he did. He stared at the bed for a minute, not realizing Harry had left his side. Harry carefully set his camera down on the dresser and slipped off his coat, expecting to see Niall next to him when he turned around and becoming mildly confused when he didn't.

"Niall," he called from across the room. Niall turned to see him motioning for him to join him, pushing a door open that he hadn't seen.

Niall crossed the room and Harry brought their lips together again as he pulled Niall into the bathroom, shutting the door behind them. He pinned Niall against the door and started taking off his jacket, trailing his lips down Niall's neck to suck marks into his skin.

"Thought you might need cleaning off," Harry murmured against Niall's neck.

Niall shuddered again, partly from Harry's touch but moreso at the thought of having a proper shower. He couldn't remember the last time he'd bathed anywhere other than the tub behind the barn, and there was no better way to celebrate it than with a fit bloke who _really_ liked to mark him.

"Dirty boy," Harry purred and Niall groaned in response, fisting his hands in Harry's shirt and trying to tug it off as fast as he could. Harry grinned, quickly pulling his shirt over his head, doing the same to Niall a moment later.

He stepped away - despite Niall's moan of protest - to turn on the shower. He turned it to the highest setting and let the water run until steam was pouring out of the tap along with the water. Just as he switched the shower head on, Niall wrapped his arms around Harry's waist and attached his lips to Harry's neck.

Harry moaned and reached around to grab Niall's hips, smirking when he felt the thin fabric of Niall's boxers. He hadn't heard him remove his jeans, but he was so glad Niall had taken the initiative.

Niall slid his hands down and pulled at Harry's belt, unhooking it as he sucked his own mark into Harry's neck, taking his hips away from Harry only long enough to push his jeans down. Harry moaned again when Niall fit his hips against him again, though they still had too much clothing on for Harry's liking.

He turned around in Niall's arms and fit their mouths together as he slipped his hands into the waistband of Niall's boxers and gave them an experimental tug. Niall mimicked his actions, pulling on Harry's as well. When they finally fell to the floor, the room was filled with so much steam that both had started to sweat.

Harry pulled Niall towards the shower, letting him be the first to step under the water. He inhaled sharply as the spray hit him, nearly scalding his skin since he wasn't used to such hot temperatures. Harry immediately turned the cold water knob to lessen the heat, smiling sheepishly at Niall as he climbed in beside him.

"Better?" he asked, brushing his lips against Niall's.

"Much," he replied, though he wasn't talking about the water.

Harry smiled as they started kissing again and Niall ran his hands down Harry's chest, the water allowing his fingers to slide across skin with ease. Harry shivered under Niall's touch, despite the fact that he was hot all over from the temperature of the water pouring down his back.

"Believe I owe you something," Niall murmured as he pulled back from Harry's lips. A smirk formed across Harry's face as Niall slowly sank to his knees, wrapping one hand around Harry's growing erection.

Harry moaned loudly, reaching out to steady himself against the tiled wall when Niall teased his tongue against the head of his cock. He moaned again when Niall wrapped his mouth around it, sinking down much further than Harry ever imagined.

He fought to keep his hips from bucking into Niall's mouth, but he found it increasingly difficult as Niall sucked him harder with every passing second. Keeping one hand against the shower wall, Harry dropped his other to Niall's head and gripped his wet hair.

Niall moaned around him, causing Harry to curse loudly as his grip tightened even more. Niall's hands raked up Harry's thighs around to grab his arse, effectively pushing him even further into his mouth.

"Oh my- Fucking _hell_ , Niall," Harry moaned as he felt a familiar warmth pooling in the pit of his stomach, and he knew he wasn't going to last much longer.

Niall bobbed his head up and down faster, still sucking as eagerly as he had been before. Harry cried out as he came, and Niall pulled off and coughed as he fought to swallow. He wrapped his hand around Harry's cock and jerked him through the rest of his orgasm, slowing down when Harry started to whimper and his grip on Niall's hair loosened.

He climbed back up Harry's body, pressing kisses to his chest and licking at Harry's nipples before crashing their lips together again. Harry panted into his mouth and clutched at him desperately as his legs wobbled beneath him.

Niall leaned against the shower wall and pulled Harry to him, slipping his hand behind Harry's neck and kissing him slowly. He moaned softly as Harry slipped his leg between Niall's, brushing against his very hard, very neglected erection.

"Do you want-"

"Just touch me," Niall begged, desperate to keep kissing Harry. He slipped his hand between Niall's legs and started to jerk him off, but Niall was so close from seeing Harry come that it only took a few tugs before he was spilling into Harry's hand.

"Fuck," Harry groaned into Niall's ear before he bit down on his earlobe. "That was so fucking hot."

"Yeah," Niall grunted with a shudder. "I can barely stand now."

"Join the club," Harry said with a laugh, brushing Niall's hair out of his eyes. He moaned softly as he leaned forward to kiss Niall again.

"Think I might need that cleaning after all," Niall mumbled against Harry's lips, earning another laugh.

"That can definitely be arranged," Harry replied.

*

Niall didn't forget about his dominoes date with Liam, it was just that Harry had a knack for keeping him distracted. After their shower, they curled up on Harry's bed, wrapped in towels and running their hands through each other's soaking wet hair.

Harry told him all about his former life in London, where he'd been successful at an early age with his photography. Niall loved listening to him talk, mesmerized by the way Harry spoke with such passion about even the most mundane things.

He briefly mentioned his mum and stepdad, but changed the subject almost as quickly as he'd brought it up. Niall didn't press the subject, but found it odd when he was just as vague about the explanation behind why he and Gemma moved to Whitegate in the first place.

"You don't have to-" Niall said hesitantly; he could tell Harry didn't really want to discuss it and he didn't want to be a hypocrite for demanding to know what secrets Harry was keeping when he had so many of his own.

"I just-" Harry sighed heavily. "It's complicated."

"Alright," Niall mumbled, pressing a kiss to Harry's temple.

"The last few years have been rough for me and Gemma," Harry continued quietly. "Our relationship barely recovered when-" he paused and closed his eyes. Niall was about to change the subject when Harry began speaking again. "I just had to get her away from London. Away from all the shit that was turning her into someone I know she's not."

"Thought older siblings were supposed to be the responsible ones," Niall mumbled softly, trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah," Harry replied with a watery laugh. "Guess we got that one switched up, yeah?"

"Gemma's lucky to have you." Harry tilted his head upwards and smiled, giving Niall a fond look that made Niall's heart swell. They both slowly leaned in to each other, bringing their lips together in a sweet kiss.

"Enough about me," Harry said after he pulled away, scooting up a little on the bed so he could kiss the tip of Niall's nose. "I want to know about you."

"What about me?" Niall mumbled, looking down at their hands interlaced between them. Harry shrugged slightly, as best he could while lying on his side, and lifted their joined hands so he could kiss Niall's knuckles.

"Everything and anything you want to tell me."

"There's not much to tell," Niall admitted with a soft laugh. "M'not all that interesting."

"I think you're fascinating." He blushed under Harry's gaze, but didn't try to pull away.

"Nah, m'not. You've seen the world, I've hardly left Whitegate. Never even been to Dublin."

"That doesn't mean anything," Harry protested. "I could show you the world."

Niall raised an eyebrow as Harry beamed at him and started to sing softly.

_"Shining, shimmering, splendid. Now tell me, princess, when did you last let your heart decide?"_

"What the hell are you on about?" Harry stared at Niall with wide eyes.

"You're joking. You don't know _Aladdin_?"

"Is…that a singer?" Niall asked, feeling rather foolish. Harry giggled softly, dropping his head back against his pillow for a moment before smiling fondly at Niall.

"You're too much." He leaned forward and kissed Niall, gently bumping their foreheads together when he pulled away.

Niall shut his eyes and smiled, reveling in the feeling of being so close with someone. He hadn't realized how much he wanted it; how nice it would feel to let his guard down ever so slightly and be open about what he wanted.

"How did I get so lucky?" Harry mumbled, barely above a whisper.

"You're daft," Niall whispered back with a light laugh. "I'm the lucky one."

"Absolutely not." Harry lifted his head and grinned down at Niall. "I managed to find the most adorable bloke in all of Ireland who practically lives under a rock. Do you know how many things I get to watch you experience for the first time?"

"Loads, I imagine." Harry nodded.

"And not _just_ sexy ones," he added in a low tone before capturing Niall's lips again. Niall laughed as he kissed Harry, pulling his hand away to run it down Harry's back. He loved the way Harry shivered under his touch, and the way he groaned into Niall's mouth when Niall pulled his hips closer.

He could feel that Harry was half-hard again, slowly growing harder with every moment that passed with their lips connected and Niall's hands roaming his skin. He slowly tugged on Harry's towel, pulling it down over the curve of his arse and letting his hand wander over the newly exposed skin.

Harry finally pulled away with a sharp gasp and rolled his hips into Niall, eliciting a moan from both of them. Harry kept his eyes on him as Niall slipped his hand between them, wrapping it around Harry's cock and stroking slowly.

"Niall, " he whined softly, and Niall couldn't help but smirk.

"Still owe you another," he whispered huskily before he slid down on the bed, nipping and sucking at Harry's skin as he went. Harry inhaled sharply when Niall reached his cock, but he let out another whine when Niall didn't immediately take him in his mouth.

Niall teased his tongue along the shaft, blowing hot air out of his mouth that made Harry squirm beneath his touch. He hissed when Niall ran his tongue along his slit, lapping up the beads of precome that had already gathered. Harry let out a relieved moan when Niall finally wrapped his mouth around the head of his cock, already feeling like he was going to burst.

As if he could sense it, Niall went much slower than he had in the shower. He kept his mouth over the head, rubbing his tongue along the crown as he worked his hand on the shaft almost painfully slow.

Harry whimpered beneath him, begging and pleading for Niall to go faster and let him come. Niall kept teasing him, alternating between speeding up his hand and then slowing down and sucking harder then letting his jaw go slack.

"Fuck," Harry groaned. "Niall, please," he begged.

Niall pulled off for a moment to look up at Harry with a smirk, licking a long, slow stripe up Harry's cock that nearly made him pass out. Niall promptly sank back down, taking as much of Harry in his mouth as he could while Harry cried out.

"Yes- Yes- _fuck Niall yes_ -" he moaned, jerking his hips upwards without warning and causing Niall to choke a little. He tried to apologize, but Niall didn't relent and soon Harry was mumbling a string of curses as he came even harder than he had in the shower.

Niall's chest was heaving when he pulled off, and he sucked in deep breaths after he'd swallowed. Harry groaned softly, barely having enough energy to sit up so he reached out for Niall and tried to pull him back into his arms. Niall obliged with a smile, falling onto the bed next to Harry and sighing deeply.

"Sure you've never done that before?" Harry asked breathlessly, still panting as his heart rate returned to normal. "Because you're _really_ good at it."

"You're the first," Niall admitted, trying not to blush but he knew it was impossible.

"It's an honor," Harry replied, leaning forward to kiss Niall. He slipped his hand down Niall's chest, but was prevented from his goal.

"S'alright," Niall mumbled and Harry stared at him with mild confusion.

"You sure?" He nodded, a small smirk appearing on his lips.

"You'll owe me, now."

"Deal," Harry replied with a grin.

*

"C'mon, Niall, it's now or never."

"Never's been working fairly well for me so I think-"

"Absolutely not," Harry interrupted as he latched onto Niall's arm before he could turn around and run. "Now you go in there and you tell them."

"Do I have to?" Niall whined. "I don't know what to say!"

"You'll figure it out, I believe in you." Harry smiled.

"I hate you," Niall grumbled.

"No you don't."

"Yes, I do."

"Fine, you hate me. But you're still going in there."

"You're the worst." Niall sighed heavily, paused outside the door to the pub and seriously considered bashing his head against it until he fell unconscious. At least then he could get out of going in.

"C'mon, love. Liam's waiting for you." Harry sighed. "You can't disappoint Liam."

"Don't use Liam to guilt trip me, he does it well enough on his own."

"Then get your arse in there!"

"Alright I will!" Niall threw the door open and stomped inside, immediately wishing he could disappear into the floor when everyone turned to look.

"Sorry," he mumbled sheepishly as he hung his head and shuffled to the other side of the bar where Liam was waiting with a smirk.

"Like to make an entrance, don't you?"

"Shut it," Niall mumbled with a soft smile. "Sixes?"

"Yeah," Liam replied. "Don't feel like having to bust out the calculator tonight."

"Fair enough," Niall answered as he watched Harry slide onto the stool on the other side of Liam, flagging Zayn down for a drink.

"Just an observer tonight," Harry assured when Liam turned to greet him. As soon as Liam's back was turned again, Harry winked at Niall. He desperately tried not to blush, but he could feel his cheeks heat up the second he started to smile.

"Want anything, Nialler?" Zayn asked as she passed by.

"Pint'd be great," he replied before picking his first tile. "I've got seven."

"Ten," Liam announced proudly. "I go first!"

Niall smiled at Liam as he watched him pick out his tiles, the knot in his chest slowly starting to loosen as he relaxed. It couldn't possibly be as difficult to finally come out to him and Zayn as Niall was imagining it to be.

It wasn't that Niall was afraid of their reaction – he'd be completely insane to think that they'd react with anything other than total understanding – what he was most scared of was if he came clean about one aspect of his life, what was to stop the floodgates from opening about the rest? If there was one thing Niall was sure of, it was that he was absolutely not ready to admit every secret about his life, not even to his best friends.

After a few rounds of dominoes had passed – with Liam asking Niall in a dubious voice if he was letting him win to which Niall replied that he was most certainly not – Niall finally worked up the courage he needed. Harry, who'd been watching the game, saw the tiny shift in Niall's features when he'd made his decision.

Niall met Harry's eye and hadn't realized he needed just the smallest bit of encouragement until Harry nodded at him. He took a deep breath as he waved Zayn over and pushed the dominoes aside, momentarily confusing Liam.

"Niall, what are you-"

"I've got something to tell you." Niall took another deep breath as he looked at the two of them. But when it came time to say the words, Niall couldn't find them.

"What is it, Niall?" Zayn asked.

"It's not bad, is it?" Liam's voice started getting a bit panicky, he was always the first to overreact to things. "You're not dying, are you?"

"Christ, Liam," Zayn muttered with an amused smile.

"No, I'm not dying," Niall replied, throwing his voice to disguise his despair with something that would keep the pair from worrying. "Just sort of feel like it right now," he added under his breath.

"Then what is it? You know you can tell us anything, yeah?" Liam laid a hand on Niall's shoulder, offering a soft smile that settled the butterflies in Niall's stomach.

"I just- I wanted to explain why I lost it on you and Perrie today," Niall began, swallowing harshly as he snuck a look at Harry. He was trying to remain nonchalant, but he caught Niall's eye and smiled as he mouthed _keep going_.

Out of the corner of his eye, Niall saw the look that Liam and Zayn shared and he knew that Zayn had already heard about his outburst. A strange sort of relief ran through him as he realized he wouldn't have to relive it out loud.

"I didn't mean to snap about Jesy – she's lovely, don't get me wrong – but I don't fancy her."

"You don't have to apologize for not fancying her," Zayn remarked with a sigh of relief. "It's not your fault."

"No, but I do." Niall sighed. "Because I don't feel that way about any girl." His eyes dropped to the bar and he took in a shaky breath. "Not the way I do about Harry."

Niall didn't have to lift his gaze to know that both Liam and Zayn snapped their head in Harry's direction. But they didn't dwell on him, because they were too preoccupied with the fact that their best mate had, for all intents and purposes, just come out of the closet.

"Are you serious?" Liam asked, his tone one of awe and mild disbelief. "This is what you've been holding in forever?"

Niall nodded, still unable to break the staring contest he was having with the bar in front of him. What he didn't see coming was Liam nearly crushing him with a hug, Zayn having come around the bar to do the same.

"You absolute imbecile," she muttered in Niall's ear. "Why the fuck have you been keeping that from us?"

"Dunno," Niall choked out, partially due to the fact that their combined grip was cutting off his air supply but mostly because he was trying not to burst into tears. "Was scared."

"I'm relieved," Liam said with a sigh. "I was afraid you really were dying."

"Come off it, Li." Zayn loosened his grip on Niall to lightly smack Liam upside the head, her arm returning to its place around Niall a moment later. "Not every serious conversation ends with someone dying."

"That's not-" Liam huffed. "Shut up, Zayn."

"Oi," Zayn said, but not to Liam. She pointed at Harry, who turned his head to look at her innocently. "You get over here too, you arse."

Harry let out a laugh before he slid off of his stool and joined them, quickly pulled into their hug and pressed right against Niall.

"Proud of you," he murmured into Niall's ear as he gently kissed the skin just below.

They couldn't stay like that for long, mainly because Zayn had to return to her duties behind the bar. She nearly tripped over Coco, who had roused herself from her spot in the corner when Zayn had gone missing.

"When are you going to bring the pups around again?" she asked, gently leading her back to her bed. "Coco misses them."

"Next time, promise." Niall smiled down at his glass. "They hate being cooped up."

"At least they've got free reign of the house, yeah?" Liam asked with a smile, and Niall had to stop himself from frowning.

"Yeah," he answered before drowning his recant in his half-empty glass.

*

Days turned into weeks, passing by in succession and Niall couldn't remember a time before when he'd last been so happy. He felt less worried about things in his life that he couldn't change, and he even stopped panicking about the things he could if he'd just tell the truth. Nothing seemed to matter anymore now that Liam and Zayn knew about him and Harry.

Of course, apart from Gemma, Louis and Nick, they were the only ones who knew. Niall wasn't quite ready for the whole town to find out – least of all his father. It was one thing for him to get drunk and call Niall a fag when it was just the two of them, it was quite another to have it happen out in the open.

So perhaps Niall's life wasn't quite perfect, but it seemed like it was as close as it was ever going to get. And for once, Niall let his guard down just enough to let him enjoy it while it lasted.

True to his word, Harry was intent on showing Niall everything he'd missed by being so cut off from the rest of the world. Films, music, books – Harry wanted Niall to experience it all, even despite Niall's protests that he didn't need any of that to be happy.

Even so, Niall couldn't help but let Harry introduce him to things he'd never even imagined – albeit that Harry showed him so much in such a short span of time the truth was Niall had trouble remembering it all and often confused himself.

As it turned out, Niall didn't have patience for films. This became clear when Harry insisted on them watching Aladdin and they ended up snogging halfway through and missing the entire second half.

"It's okay, you can explain what happened later," Niall had murmured against Harry's neck when he tried to direct Niall's attention back to the film.

"Fine," Harry had replied, trying to sound disappointed but failing spectacularly when Niall bit down on the tendon in his neck and he couldn't hold back a moan.

What Niall did have the patience for was listening to Harry read out loud. He'd started showing up at the barn every morning, claiming that he could help out around the farm. It wasn't until Harry nearly threw his back out that Niall demanded that if he was going to be around, he had to find some other way to make himself useful.

The following morning Harry was at the barn door with a book tucked under his arm. Niall was surprised to see that Harry hadn't brought his camera, but he was more curious about the book. Harry didn't tell him much before he started reading, just that Niall had better like it because it was one of his favorites. He followed Niall around while he went about his routine, reading aloud and taking special care to do special voices for each character.

"'Me dad's a Muggle. Mom didn't tell him she was a witch 'til-'"

"Harry," Niall said with a groan. Harry looked up from his book and blinked.

"What?"

"What accent is that?"

"Seamus is Irish, of course." Harry rolled his eyes and Niall laughed.

"Your Irish accent is rubbish." He shook his head and Harry tucked his bookmark in-between the pages before he crossed his arms.

"Is not!"

"Is too." Niall stood up, wiping his hands on his jeans before he walked towards Harry. The barn blocked the two of them from the view of the farmhouse, so Niall wasn't held back by the worry that his father would happen to see the two of them together. He wrapped his arms around Harry's waist and smiled up at him even though Harry was looking down at him with a pout.

"It's not that bad."

"I'll give you some tips," he murmured before pressing his lips to the underside of Harry's jaw.

"I'm holding you to that," Harry replied with a soft groan as he tipped his head down to bring their lips together. He knew Niall wasn't much for public displays of affection, but since he started it Harry figured he should take a chance while he can.

Niall pulled away, taking the book from Harry's hands and looking at the cover. He snorted softly as he ran his fingers along the title, smiling at Harry again.

"Didja pick this one because he's got your name?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "No." Niall raised his eyebrow. "Not entirely."

"S'what I thought." Harry swiped the book from Niall's hands and stuck out his tongue.

"Don't act like you're not enjoying it."

"Maybe I am." Niall shrugged. "Or maybe I just like listening to you talk and I've got no idea what's actually going on in the book."

"Niall…" Harry groaned. "You're unbelievable."

Niall shrugged his shoulders again and turned away from Harry, intending to continue his daily routine. Harry reached out and smacked his bum with the book, earning a scandalized look from Niall when he turned back around.

"Did you just…?" Harry quirked an eyebrow and Niall shook his head.

"What're you gonna do about it?"

"Well…" Niall looked around, making sure all three dogs were still in sight as he stepped close to Harry again. "Nothing now, but I'm sure I can think of something for later."

"I like the sound of that." Harry smiled mischievously and licked his lips. Niall turned around to return to his work, and Harry reopened the book and started reading again. He ignored the way Niall looked at him when he continued Seamus' line in the same Irish accent, but he couldn't stop smiling.

*

By the end of the day, Harry was halfway through the chapter where the trio plus Malfoy enter the Forbidden Forest for detention and Niall was trying not to let Harry know that he was hanging onto every word.

But when Niall closed the barn doors and Harry snapped the book shut, he couldn't stop himself from nearly shouting with protest.

"So you _are_ paying attention." Niall huffed loudly and slumped down against the barn, promptly being covered in kisses from his pups.

"Didn't Dumbledore say that the Forbidden Forest was _off limits_?! Why the fuck are they going in there for detention?!"

"Just wait until you get to book four," Harry said with a chuckle. Niall's head snapped up and Harry nearly burst into laughter at the look on his face.

"There are _four_ books??"

"Seven, actually." Harry snickered. "Eight films."

Niall groaned. "You know how I am with films."

"So we'll stick to the books." Harry held out his hand to pull Niall up to his feet. He kissed Niall's forehead lightly and smiled, laughing softly when Ringo nuzzled against his knee.

"Ringo," Niall chastised softly.

"What do you say we finish the book back at my place?" Harry asked slowly, looking down at the pups circling them. "All of us, of course."

"I don't think-"

"You know Louis and Nick left yesterday," Harry interrupted. "It's far too quiet, even Gemma says so."

"Louis is louder than Ringo, Max and Woofsevelt put together," Niall mumbled and Harry laughed.

"So is that a yes?"

"Yeah, you've talked me into it." Harry grinned widely, taking a risk and pressing a quick kiss to Niall's lips. His smile grew even more when Niall pushed him away, fighting a smile while his cheeks burned red.

*

As it turned out, all three of Niall's dogs absolutely adored Gemma now that she wasn't posing a threat to the farm. At first, Stiles yipped and snapped at them, obviously thinking that he was the alpha dog despite his tiny size. He eventually gave in – mostly because Ringo sat on him – and allowed them to get close to her.

Harry seized the opportunity to steal Niall away once Gemma was curled up on their ridiculously enormous couch with all four dogs, seemingly content as long as she had food and drink within arm's reach. Now that she was seven and a half months pregnant, she did as little moving as she had to.

"Are you sure she'll be alright down there?" Niall asked as Harry pulled him by the arm into his room.

"She'll be fine, the pups will protect her from the ghosts."

"The what?" Niall's mouth dropped open and Harry burst out laughing.

"Christ, I'm kidding! Stop worrying so much." He kissed Niall's nose before collapsing onto his bed, patting the space next to him.

"I just-" Harry patted the bed again, with more effort and sending Niall an expectant look before he crawled up next to him. "Feel guilty, is all."

"Aww, Nialler," Harry cooed as he kissed his temple. "You're cute."

"Shut up," he mumbled, pulling away and smacking Harry's thigh but smiling all the while. "Finish the book already."

"Alright, alright, keep your pants on." Harry paused. "Or not, y'know, I wouldn't mind."

"You're unbelievable." Niall laughed and shook his head. Harry shrugged, pulling his shirt over his head before he settled back against the pillows. He wrapped his arm around Niall and pulled him close as he opened the book back to where they'd left off and began reading again.

Niall hardly noticed the hours passing by as he listened to Harry read, the sound of his voice reverberating in his chest as Niall laid his head against it. Harry kept reading with as much enthusiasm as he had earlier in the day, loving every single one of Niall's reactions to the story.

He had imagined Niall enjoying the book as much as he did, but the way Niall gasped and added his own short commentary made the whole experience better than Harry ever thought it could be. He was overjoyed that he could share in it, that he got to be the one to introduce Niall to something that made him so happy.

"That's it?" Niall said sadly once Harry had finished and set the book aside.

"For book one, yeah." He smiled and kissed Niall's temple. "There's still six more."

"Good," Niall replied, leaning his head back down on Harry's shoulder. "I want more. Can we start the next one now?"

Harry's smile widened against Niall's skin as he mumbled, "gotta give my voice a bit of rest."

"Fine." Niall huffed loudly and crossed his arms. "What're we going to do now?"

"Well," Harry said as he slid down, wrapping his arms around Niall even though his were still crossed. "I seem to remember you promising me something for later."

"S'pose I did." Niall started smiling and uncrossed his arms, slipping them around Harry's waist and giving him a light kiss. Harry smiled against his lips as he rolled over and pressed himself down against Niall.

They both gasped when Harry started to grind his hips against Niall's, but neither wanted to pull away from the kiss. Niall dragged his hands down Harry's back, cupping his arse and grinding against him even more. Harry was the first to break away with a breathy laugh, but Niall wasn't willing to let him get very far.

He latched his mouth to Harry's neck and sucked at the tender skin until Harry's eyes fluttered shut and he moaned something that Niall didn't catch at first. He moved his lips down to suck another mark underneath the one he'd just made, and Harry moaned again – louder this time.

"Fuck me," he groaned through gritted teeth and Niall couldn't help but freeze.

His heart was pounding, and he was sure Harry had noticed how he'd stopped breathing. Niall was still holding onto him very tightly, and he buried his head in Harry's neck as he tried to start breathing again.

"Hey," Harry whispered softly as he tried to coax Niall to look at him. "Hey, we don't- if you don't want-"

Niall started shaking his head as he lifted it away from Harry's neck, pressing his lips against Harry's as he tried to get his words out.

"No, I want-" Niall sighed heavily. "I _want_."

"Okay," Harry replied, stroking Niall's cheek as he kissed him again.

"I'm just-" Niall sighed again and Harry gave him a small smile.

"Scared?" Niall nodded. "Then we'll go slow."

"Slow," Niall agreed with a nod. "Okay."

Harry's smile grew wider as he kissed Niall again, pulling away after a minute before he sat up and looked down at him. He slid his hands up Niall's chest, pausing as they got to the first button of his shirt.

"Nothing we haven't done before, yeah?" he said with a soft laugh, breaking any and all tension that Niall was feeling. He groaned in return, covering his face with his hands to hide his embarrassment. Harry pulled them away, leaning down to kiss Niall before he went back to taking his shirt off.

Niall sat up to help Harry pull it off, tugging Harry close to him immediately after and bringing their lips back together. Niall started to feel more and more confident as Harry undressed him, and it was probably attributed to Harry not being able to keep his mouth shut.

He found something so soothing in the sound of Harry's voice that it was possible that he could be talking utter nonsense and Niall would still feel relaxed. That is, until Harry started murmuring dirty things in Niall's ear, sending shivers down his spine and making his cheeks burn.

"Harry," he mumbled, biting his lip as Harry slipped his hand under the waistband of his boxers. Harry smiled against Niall's neck, his lips brushing against the skin under his ear.

"Yes, Niall?" Harry wrapped his hand around Niall and started stroking, moaning along with Niall. He smirked when Niall couldn't form a sentence, instead digging his nails into Harry's back as he jerked his hips upwards into him.

Harry pulled his hand away, silencing Niall's soft whimper of protest with a kiss. He rolled off of Niall's lap and reached into the drawer next to his bed, expecting the look of mild panic on Niall's face when he turned around.

"Don't worry," he said softly. "We'll go slow."

Niall swallowed harshly. "Okay."

Harry leaned forward and kissed Niall, distracting him as he slid his own boxers down his legs and tossed them on the floor. He pulled Niall's thigh between his legs and started slowly working his hips against Niall. He moaned softly when Niall wrapped his hand around him, pulling away and staring hungrily at him.

Niall tightened his grip around Harry's erection and started going faster, keeping eye contact as Harry started panting. Niall crashed his lips against Harry's, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip and making him moan.

"Niall-" Harry groaned, jerking his hips into Niall's hand and frantically clinging to any part of Niall's body he could reach.

"I think-" Niall hadn't realized how heavy his breathing had gotten, "-that I want to go a little faster."

"Yeah?" Harry grunted, pressing his forehead against Niall's as he reluctantly put his hand over Niall's to slow him down. "Then let me."

Niall's eyes widened as Harry opened the bottle of lube that he'd grabbed before, crawling back up on top of Niall as he slicked up his fingers. He held his breath as Harry tucked his arm behind his back, and Niall bit down hard on his bottom lip as he watched Harry's eyes close as he pushed a finger inside of himself.

Niall had never seen anything like this before, and he wanted to commit every part of it to memory. Harry threw his head back and moaned, pushing back on his finger as he reached out his other hand to Niall. He laced their fingers together, his face breaking out into a grin as he kept his eyes shut.

Feeling adventurous as he watched Harry slide another finger inside, Niall wrapped his hand around Harry's cock again but stroked it much slower than he had before. Harry moaned again, tightening his grip on Niall's hand as he started moving his fingers faster.

"Niall-" he croaked, groaning loudly as he pushed in a third finger.

"Yeah?" Niall managed to grunt back.

"Want you." Harry opened his eyes finally and stared down at Niall, his eyes drifting down to where Niall's swollen cock lay against his belly.

Niall shifted, jerking his hips up against Harry as he groaned. Harry gasped softly as he pulled his fingers out, leaning forward to suck another mark on Niall's neck. He gasped again when Niall let go of his cock and slipped his hand further down, teasing his finger around Harry's entrance.

"Can I?" he whispered, suddenly feeling nervous again when Harry lifted his head to look at him.

"Absolutely," he replied before kissing Niall eagerly. Niall relaxed, slowly pushing his finger further in and finding he loved the way Harry's body started to shake.

Harry started whimpering lightly when Niall pushed his finger in as far as it would go, moving his hips in little circles that caused their erections to brush together with every movement. Niall pulled his hand away, ignoring Harry's soft protest, frantically searching for the bottle of lube since he hadn't seen where Harry had put it when he tossed it aside.

"Harry," Niall whined, frustrated that he couldn't find it, and Harry chuckled breathily. He found it a moment later, but didn't hand it over even when Niall tried to grab it.

"Impatient, are we?" he teased, opening the bottle and squeezing some onto his palm before reaching down and spreading it over Niall's erection.

He hissed slightly at the cold, then moaned when Harry kept stroking him. Niall's eyes widened when Harry pushed himself up on his knees, aligning himself and brushing the head of Niall's cock against his entrance.

"Wait-" Niall breathed out, while his brain was still operational. "Shouldn't we-"

"S'alright," Harry assured him with a small smile. "I'm clean."

Niall blinked, nodding a few times as he inhaled deeply. Harry leaned forward as best he could to kiss Niall gently on the lips.

"Besides, I just really want to feel you." He kissed Niall again. "All of you."

Harry sat up, clutching Niall's hand again as he lowered himself onto him. He bit down on his lip and winced slightly as he tried to adjust without stopping. Niall squeezed his eyes shut, his mouth falling open in a silent moan as he pushed into Harry.

"H-Harry…" he moaned softly once he was buried deep inside. Harry mumbled something in response that Niall couldn't understand, but he laced their fingers together and held his hands tightly.

"Okay," he said after a minute or two. "I'm ready." Niall opened his eyes and looked up to see Harry staring down at him, already looking wrecked.

Niall slowly moved his hips upwards into Harry, letting out a grunt as he tried not to lose himself in the first five minutes. He moaned softly, his breathing getting heavy as he started to ride Niall in an almost desperate way.

Harry cursed loudly when Niall bucked his hips upward in just the right way to hit his prostate, his hands clenching around Niall's as he begged him to do it again.

"Like that?" Niall tried to mimic the move he'd just done and judging by the way Harry cried out, he figured he'd done it again.

Niall lost himself in the sensation of being so close to Harry mixed with the numerous sounds that kept spilling out of his mouth. He couldn't keep quiet either, especially the closer he got to the edge.

"Harry," he grunted, "I'm close."

"Yeah?" Harry moaned as he wrapped his hand around himself and started jerking himself off in a hurried fashion. "C'mon, wanna feel it."

Niall thrusted up into Harry, now desperate in his need to come as he watched Harry work himself to orgasm as well. Niall moaned loudly, throwing his head back against the bed as bucked his hips against Harry as he came.

Harry moaned in unison with Niall, stroking himself faster until he started to come onto Niall's chest. Harry groaned his name as he kept working his hand through his orgasm, Niall doing the same until he became oversensitive and had to still his hips.

"Fuck," Niall muttered, breathing heavily as he looked down at himself and then up at Harry with a tired smile. Harry returned the expression, slowly pulling himself off of Niall and curling up on the bed next to him.

"Good?" he asked softly.

"Better than," Niall replied with a breathy laugh. Harry smirked, rolling forward to kiss Niall before he stood up from the bed and stumbled his way into his bathroom. Niall watched as he went, keeping his eye on the door until Harry came back in with a towel to help him clean up.

"I dunno about you," Harry said after they'd both cleaned themselves off and he was holding Niall in his arms, "but I'm starving."

"S'pose I could eat, but do I have to put on pants?"

Harry rolled his eyes and pressed a kiss to Niall's temple. "Can't believe I've corrupted you this much already."

*

A small, happy bubble seemed to form over Niall's life and for once, he wasn't waiting for it to burst. Harry continued to come by the farm every day and follow Niall around while he read from the next book in the Harry Potter series.

It took more than a day to get through the second and third books, mostly because after a full day on the farm they would usually go to the pub for dinner and then head back to Harry's place and _not_ read all night.

The morning after that first night, Gemma teased them endlessly while Harry made them all breakfast – making sure to make extra bacon to feed the pups. Niall was bright red and stared at his plate until Gemma threw her arms around him and told him that there was no need to be so embarrassed.

"Just try and keep it down next time, alright?" She grinned and pressed a kiss to Niall's cheek, who promptly laid his head down on the table to hide while Harry couldn't stop cackling.

Liam and Zayn were also very invested in Niall and Harry's new relationship, so much that Niall had to tell Zayn to stop staring at him all the time with a ridiculous smile on her face. Liam was even worse, zoning out during dominoes just staring at the pair of them with a dopey smile.

It wasn't even like they did anything particularly coupley in public – mainly because Niall _still_ wasn't comfortable with public displays of affection. Outside of the four of them (plus Gemma), Niall hadn't allowed any of them to tell anyone else about him and Harry.

Harry didn't seem to mind – something that Niall really appreciated – as long as he could hang around Niall as much as humanly possible he didn't seem to have another care in the world. It was lucky that Gemma didn't really speak to anyone in town so Niall didn't have to worry about her; Liam said it wasn't his place to say a thing; and although Niall knew Zayn was dying to tell the other girls, she remained adamant about keeping her mouth shut and for that he was forever grateful.

"…Harry set off toward the station exit, Hedwig rattling along in front of him, for what looked like a much better summer than the last."

"Harry is a bloody menace," Niall remarked with a laugh. "His uncle deserves it, though."

"That he does," Harry replied as he snapped the book shut. "End of book three!"

Niall cheered and the dogs started barking, taking several minutes to calm down before Niall and Harry could carry on their conversation.

"I wouldn't mind having one of those…" Niall made a gesture with his hand that made Harry laugh softly, even though he knew full well what he was talking about.

"A time-turner?"

"Yeah!" Niall snapped his fingers. "I reckon it'd be pretty cool."

"Yeah," Harry agreed as he stepped closer and wrapped his arms around Niall's waist. "You could spend all day in bed with me and still get all your work done."

"Is that all you think about?" Niall teased and Harry shrugged.

"You? Yeah, pretty much." Niall shook his head and Harry leaned in to kiss his neck. He groaned softly, letting Harry keep kissing him for far longer than he normally would.

Niall wanted to be more comfortable with Harry kissing him in public. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy it – because it was _obvious_ that he did – but he was more afraid of someone reacting badly to it.

In true Irish fashion, most of the townsfolk were devout Catholics. Even if no one ever said it to his face, he knew that his father was looked down on for abandoning his faith after his mother died. Niall figured the only reason he wasn't included was because he was seen at the church on a regular basis, even if it wasn't for Sunday Mass. He didn't want to risk being ostracized by the community he relied on for his livelihood, even at the risk of his own happiness. Though truth be told, there was only really one person in particular that he was honestly terrified of finding out about him and Harry.

So the fact that he was letting Harry kiss him on the farm – without double-checking that they were hidden from view of the farmhouse - was quite a big step forward.

As Niall would come to find out later that night, that one step was the first down the path he'd been afraid of all along.

*

Niall and Harry had plans to go to the pub later that night, and Harry had promised that they'd start the fourth Harry Potter book after dinner. Niall only half believed him, mainly due to the glint in his eyes when he'd said it.

Harry reluctantly left the farm to go home and change, pouting at Niall when he said _no, I'm not coming with_ about a hundred times before he actually left. Once Harry had disappeared from sight, Niall rounded up the pups and started corralling them towards the shack.

He was going to take them along to the pub that night, but he had to make sure to feed them beforehand so they wouldn't wander around begging for scraps all night.

Hardly five minutes passed since he'd shut the door behind him and started to put together a small meal for the three of them before he heard a knock at the door. Niall froze for a moment, thinking that perhaps he was hearing things since nobody ever knocked on the shack's door.

When it happened again, louder and more forceful this time, he slowly approached the door and opened it to reveal a sight that he hadn't seen in a long time. There stood his father, his eyes dark with hate and his whole body shaking with anger.

"Da, what are you-"

Niall was cut off by his father grabbing a hold of his shirt and forcing him back into the shack, knocking him into the small table behind him. Niall stared up at him with wide eyes, breathing heavily as his body tried to react to the pain and terror it felt.

"After all I've done for you," he slurred, the smell of alcohol pouring from his mouth with every breath across Niall's face, "this is how you repay me?"

"What? I don't-" Niall was silenced with a harsh slap across the face, and as the dogs started barking at the two of them he prayed that they'd stop.

"Shut up!" he yelled, scaring both Niall and the dogs so much that they immediately stopped barking. He stared back down at Niall, his breathing becoming more labored and his hands shook as he kept a tight grip to hold Niall in place.

"Should've known," he grumbled, "that you'd start parading around like the fucking faggot you are, shoving it in everyone's face, making a fool out of me!"

"Da-" He slapped Niall again - harder than the first time - and as Niall gasped for breath he tasted blood in his mouth.

"Not anymore," he growled as he fisted his hand in Niall's hair and yanked him up, kicking the door to the shack clean off the hinges before he pulled Niall through it.

He dragged him all the way back to the house, the dogs following and barking as Niall tried to break free from his father's grip. As much as he wanted to get away, he knew he'd never forgive himself if he actually injured his father in the process. But deep down he had a sinking feeling that the two hits he'd already been subjected to weren't going to be the last.

*

"Where's Niall?"

"He's not here yet?" Harry asked as he slid onto the stool next to Liam, setting his camera on the bar in front of him. He shook his head in return, checking his watch quickly before he frowned at Harry.

"I thought he'd be coming with you."

"Not yet." Harry wiggled his eyebrows and Liam groaned, pushing Harry away as he laughed. He lifted his camera and snapped a quick shot of Liam cradling his head in his hands, still laughing at Liam's reaction.

"God, Harry, you're the worst!"

"What's going on down here?" Zayn asked as she leaned on the bar in front of the two of them.

"Harry's being obscene," Liam whined. Zayn rolled her eyes and put her hand across the lens of Harry's camera to prevent him from taking her picture.

"Save it for Niall, yeah?" she smirked at Harry, who shrugged his shoulders.

"Apparently I will be until he gets here." Harry sighed softly as he set his camera back down and glanced wistfully at the door to the pub. "Maybe he had a bit of trouble with the dogs."

An hour passed by, and there was still no sign of Niall. Harry was growing fidgety, and Liam was growing nervous. He kept sharing worried looks with Zayn when Harry's head was turned, all three of them keeping an eye on the door.

"What if something happened?" Harry nervously chewed on his bottom lip. "I wish he had a cell phone."

"I'm sure he'll be here any minute," Liam assured him, though Zayn took one look at Liam's face and knew he didn't believe it.

"Maybe I should go check on him," Harry said as he started to move from his stool. Liam grabbed his arm to stop him, clearing his throat when Harry gave him a strange look.

"No, I'll go." Harry opened his mouth to protest, but Liam tightened his grip and eventually, he gave in.

"Fine," he said with a heavy sigh. "I'm going to the loo, don't take too long, yeah?"

Zayn waited until Harry left to catch Liam's attention. She squeezed Liam's hand tightly, giving him a nervous look that Liam tried not to return.

"Do you think…?"

"I don't know," Liam said softly, knowing full well that Zayn had also noticed that Niall's father hadn't been in yet.

Niall had never really told them how his relationship with his father had changed since his mother's death, but they saw enough to gather a few details. And with both he and Niall being no-shows so far that night, it couldn't mean anything good.

"I'll be back as soon as I can," he mumbled softly as he leaned forward to kiss Zayn quickly. He ignored the looks from the other patrons as he grabbed his coat and left the pub without another word, praying that nothing he was currently imagining was actually happening.

Liam started walking quickly, picking up the pace more and more until he was sprinting towards Niall's farm. As he got closer he could hear the different barks of Niall's dogs, which only made him want to get there faster.

He ran up the steps to the front door of the farmhouse and pounded on it, hardly hearing his own voice calling Niall's name over the sounds of the dogs barking mixed with Niall's father's shouting.

"Answer the fucking door!" Liam flinched at the sound, he hadn't heard Niall's father yell like that in ages and he hadn't missed it one bit.

When the door swung back, he had to stop himself from gasping as he looked at Niall's bruised face. Niall could barely look at him, and not just because one of his eyes was swollen shut.

"What're you doing here?" he mumbled, hardly taking his eyes off the floor.

"Y-You," Liam inhaled sharply as he tried to keep his composure. "When you didn't show at the pub, we all got worried."

"'m fine," Niall answered. "Had a spot of trouble with the flock, is all."

"A spot- You didn't-" Liam went to step forward and Niall nearly shut the door in his face.

"Don't," he warned. Liam took a step back, holding his hands up to demonstrate he wasn't going to try it again.

"Sorry," Liam mumbled. "It's just-" Liam sighed in resignation, feeling utterly useless. "He did that, didn't he?"

"Go home, Liam." Niall finally lifted his eyes off the floor and looked him dead in the eye. "Don't come back."

"Niall-"

"Tell Harry not to come, either." Liam could see the way Niall's bottom lip quivered as he spoke, his eyes dropping back down to the floor. "You'll only make it worse."

Liam stood frozen as Niall shut the door in his face, and he hardly knew what to do. Almost immediately, he heard Niall's father start shouting again and he flinched when he heard the sound of a slap followed by a crash.

It took everything in Liam not to break down the door and drag Niall's father off of him, but the look on Niall's face flashed in his mind and he knew Niall was right.

Anything that he did – or Harry, or Zayn – would only make things worse.

*

Niall had never hated himself more in his life than he did that night. He knew that it was wrong to shut everyone out, especially since all they were doing was trying to help. He hated that it came so easy to him since he'd been shutting them out of so much of his life for so long. He'd never expected to shut them out completely but now that he had, Niall had a feeling that he wouldn't ever be able to let them back in.

Reluctantly, Niall moved back into the farmhouse with his father. He told himself it was the right decision because it would prevent his father from coming to look for him and end up hurting the dogs. If protecting them meant that Niall got beaten within an inch of his life every night, he would endure it for eternity.

After that first night, Niall's father seemed to get smarter when it came to hitting Niall because he never touched his face again. Niall's body was littered with bruises and some nights he could hardly breathe, but his face healed and from the outside it looked like nothing was wrong.

That is, until Niall had to go into town. Despite the warm summer weather he made sure to wear long sleeves and jeans to cover the marks his father left. Before this all started he would normally stop to say hello to people in town on his deliveries, but now he spent as little time as possible off the farm.

Niall couldn't even bring himself to go down to the pub for Friday night dominoes anymore, even though his father would regularly show up at the pub and drink himself silly only to return home to take his anger out on Niall.

The reason was always the same, or at least his father would always mumble and slur the same phrases as he threw punch after punch. Niall tried to block it out, all the horrible words and names he heard his father say. It was like if he said enough terrible things about the people Niall cared about most, Niall would somehow start to believe they were true.

But Niall refused to listen. He forced himself to think of his mother, and how everything would've been fine if she was still around to protect him. The memory of her soothed Niall's psyche through the beatings, but only for so long.

As awful as it was, Niall had become used to hearing "you killed her" from his father. But even hearing that over a hundred times couldn't have prepared him for what he heard one night from his father's own lips.

"The night your mother died, the night you told her you were a fag, she _begged_ to be put out of her misery. She couldn't live another _second_ knowing her son was a faggot."

Even through the slur and numerous pauses to catch his breath, Niall heard every single word. And each one was a dagger to his heart, sinking deeper and deeper until it felt like he had nothing left inside his chest.

That was Niall's breaking point. No longer could he tell himself that it wasn't his fault and believe it. After that night, he truly began to believe that he deserved everything that his father had done to him.

He also began to believe that there was nobody left in his life that cared about what happened to him. True to his word, Liam had kept his distance and made sure that everyone else did the same. At first, Niall was grateful that he didn't have to worry about them getting hurt.

But as time passed and Niall felt more and more alone, his relief turned to anger. But even as angry as he was at his father, Niall couldn't bring himself to stay angry at his friends. His anger faded to regret, and he hated himself more than ever.

He'd been the first to do it, to cover up so much of his life in lies to protect them. He'd never actually expected to push them away and have it stick. Day after day passed with no contact, and it soon got to the point where Niall could hardly take a step towards town without being overwhelmed with shame.

It only got worse when he thought about Harry. He'd heard the phrase 'better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all' from his mother a few times when he was young, and even then he thought it was absolute shit.

He didn't know if it had been love, but whatever it had been was a hell of a lot better than the empty feeling he had in his chest. Some days he wanted Harry to show up at the farm and beg to help Niall, and other days he was filled with dread that he might actually do it.

One day, several weeks after Niall hadn't shown up at the pub, Niall was in town making deliveries and trying to make the trip as short as possible.

 He'd become so accustomed to being able to get in and out of town without anyone stopping him that he honestly didn't expect someone to try. Niall practically jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand on his shoulder, his heart pounding as he whirled around to see who had touched him.

"Hi," Harry whispered softly. Niall sighed heavily and looked down at the ground.

"What're you doing?" he mumbled, barely above a whisper.

"I haven't seen you in ages, I w—" Harry bit his lip and sighed. "I was worried," he added in a soft voice.

"I'm fine," Niall replied. "Didn't Liam tell you?" A spark of hope flashed in Harry's eyes but Niall forced himself not to acknowledge it.

"Tell me what?"

"I don't need anyone worrying about me," Niall said, lifting his gaze from the ground and clenching his hands into fists to keep them at his sides as his eyes met Harry's. "It's best for everyone if you just stay away."

"Niall, I—"

"I'm serious, Harry. This time I mean it."

"But Niall—"

"Why can't you just leave it?" Niall snapped. "You never, ever listen to me. You think just because you're not still living where you grew up that you're better than me or summat."

"Niall, I don't—"

"I don't care, Harry. I don't care and I don't need your help." Niall turned to leave and Harry reached out to grab his arm, not knowing that he was pressing down hard on a particularly fresh bruise.

Niall nearly cried out as he wrenched his arm from Harry's grasp, cradling it against his chest and breathing hard to help ease the pain. Frozen in place, Harry stared at Niall with wide eyes and his arm still outstretched.

"Niall…" he whispered softly. Niall took a deep breath and shook his head.

"Just…just stay away from me, Harry."

Niall quickly made his way back to his truck, abandoning the rest of his deliveries and silently forbidding himself from looking back. As soon as he made it back to the farm, he hid in the barn and pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes to hold back his tears.

It didn't work for long, and soon Niall was crying so hard that he couldn't hear a thing over the sound of his own wracked breaths. He'd been bottling up his emotions for so long that they were all spilling out at once and he was unable to stop it.

The remainder of the day passed with Niall hardly noticing as he stayed in his hiding spot. It wasn't until hours later that he dragged himself back up to his feet, nearly falling back down when his legs protested his weight. He steadied himself and took several deep breaths, trying his best to ignore the way his ribs ached with each one.

He trudged back through the barn door and out to the pasture, where the three dogs were guarding the sheep and waiting patiently for him to reappear. Niall's voice cracked as he called commands and rallied the flock back towards the barn for the night, but the dogs obeyed regardless.

As he shut and locked the barn door, he fell to his knees again and let his beloved pups crowd him, ever-thankful for their undying affection. They were the one constant in his life that he could rely on, even when he couldn't rely on himself. They were the one thing that he needed to look after and stay sane for; above all else, he had to protect his pups in the same way that they protected him.

Max and Ringo took off for the house as soon as Niall started in that direction, but he couldn't move nearly as quickly as they could. Woofsevelt stayed by his side, nuzzling his hand as they slowly followed the other two. Niall felt a few tears brim his eyelids, but he was able to wipe them away without the dam breaking once more.

He heard Max and Ringo barking before he noticed the figure sitting on the steps of the house, and for a brief moment he was struck with panic that they would upset his father. But the moment he opened his mouth to call them back, the figure stood up and he couldn't believe that he hadn't recognized Harry's curly mop from a hundred yards away.

"You shouldn't be here," he grunted through a stiff jaw as he kept his eyes low and avoided Harry's look. The three dogs had surrounded Harry, obviously having missed him over the last few weeks and were desperate for his attention.

"Niall—"

"I told you to stay away from me," he interrupted, snapping his fingers to get the dogs away from Harry. They whimpered but retreated to the top of the stairs, again waiting patiently for further instruction.

"I can't."

"Did a fine job 'til now."

"Niall…" Harry's voice cracked, and Niall almost lost his resolve to keep his eyes on the ground. He could hear the sobs threatening to break loose, but he had to stay firm in his decision. "I thought—"

"Thought what?" Niall snapped, anger quickly taking over and replacing any other emotion in his mind. "Thought you'd just show up here and I'd take back everything I said today? I'm not going to."

"Why won't you talk to me?" Harry begged and Niall shook his head as he started up the stairs, intending to pass Harry by when he grabbed his wrist. "I just want you to talk to me, like—"

"Like what, Harry?" Niall said, rounding on Harry as he pulled his arm away. "What do you want me to say?"

"I—"

"What?" Niall demanded. "You don't get it, do you? This is my life, Harry. I didn't choose it. I didn't choose to lose my mother and never know if she accepted me for who I am."

"Ni—"

"No!" Niall yelled, his own voice cracking as he shook with anger. "You don't get to do this to me. You don't get to make me feel like shit for trying to protect the people I care about.

"Don't you get it? I can't leave. _I can't leave._ The closest I've ever gotten to leaving was living in that bloody shack!" Niall shouted, thrusting his arm in that direction and nearly clocking Harry in the process. Harry stared at him with wide eyes, his gaze following Niall's outstretched arm, but he didn't say a word.

"But I can't leave. I can't leave the farm, my pups, even my own father who'd rather drink himself into oblivion than look at me. Who'd rather beat the shit out of me than accept that he's got a faggot for a son.

"This is my life, Harry. I can't leave."

Niall sighed heavily, drawing in a shaky breath as he ran his hands through his hair.

"But you can. And I'm telling you to."

"Niall…" Harry cried, his voice thick with words unspoken and eyes full of tears.

"No, Harry. I'm done talking. You need to go."

Niall turned his back on Harry and wrenched open the front door, letting the dogs go in before he stepped over the threshold and slammed the door behind him. He didn't let himself look back to see if Harry was still standing there, because he knew that he couldn't handle it either way.

If Harry were still there, then maybe Niall would let himself hold onto that faint shred of hope that things weren't as bad as they seemed. And if Harry had gone, then Niall would know that nothing was going to change.

Either way, Niall couldn't allow himself to dwell on Harry anymore. He'd said it himself, this was his life and there was nothing he could do about it.

He slowly made his way through the house towards the kitchen, becoming slightly confused when he didn't run into his father. Normally he'd be rummaging around the cupboards for liquor by now, but he was nowhere to be seen.

Niall said a silent prayer that this would continue, as he already felt as though he'd been beaten a hundred times over that day. He began making supper, hoping that he'd be able to feed the pups before his father made an appearance.

To his surprise, an hour passed and there was still no sign of his father. Niall fed the pups and even allowed himself to eat a small portion of the meal he'd prepared before he ventured upstairs.

He didn't dare call out for his father, instead he tiptoed through the halls and peeked through the door to his room. There lay his father, sprawled out in his own bed with an empty bottle strewn to the wayside.

Niall rolled his eyes and slowly closed the door, relieved that his father was out for the night. He exhaled deeply as he went back downstairs and cleaned up the small mess he'd made in the kitchen before he went to bed.

That night, Niall surprisingly slept peacefully through the night. His dreams were filled with the hopes of a better life, even if it was only accessible in his subconscious.

*

The following day came and went as days on the farm normally did, and Niall was mildly relieved that nothing out of the ordinary took place. He found that by not having to withstand a beating the night before that he was able to do his chores with more ease than he had over the last few weeks.

Every time he spared a glance towards the house, he wondered if maybe he could get away with another quiet night. It wasn't at all unusual for Niall not to see his father in the morning, given that he normally spent most of the day passed out in his bed.

Niall hardly spared a second thought as to why his father had spent all of the day before as well as the night in his bed. He wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth, especially when it came to his father. As far as Niall was concerned, the less he saw his father the better.

He spent the afternoon finishing the deliveries he'd abandoned the day before after running into Harry, grateful that he didn't have to make inane chitchat with anyone he didn't care to.

As he passed by the pub, he allowed himself to venture a look into the window. There was Zayn, behind the bar as normal, and Jade standing near her as they pored over something that Niall couldn't see. For a brief moment, Niall debated stopping in to say hello.

His hand was almost to the door when he froze and decided he couldn't do it after all. It had been too long since he'd last spoken to Zayn, and his conversations with Liam as of late had been purely businesslike in nature. He hardly felt like he had any right to just pop in to say hello, mainly because he didn't feel like he had the right to call them his friends any more.

 _It's better this way_ , he thought to himself as he stepped away from the pub door and headed for his truck. _I'm better off alone._

He returned to the farm shortly after and gathered up the flock for the night, releasing a deep breath as he shut the barn door. The dogs were eagerly awaiting their dinner as per usual; Max and Ringo running ahead to the house while Woofsevelt trailing behind. Niall tried to keep them quiet, so sure that his father was bound to be awake by then and wouldn't take kindly to the noise.

But as he stepped through the front door and slowly made his way to the kitchen, he found it empty once more.

"Da?" he called, his voice vaguely hesitant. He called it again, louder this time, and was still met with no response.

He spared a glance up to the ceiling and was about to head upstairs when Ringo whined loudly. Niall looked down at him and chuckled lightly.

"Alright, I'll feed you first." He ruffled the fur on top of Ringo's head, who nipped happily at his fingers.

Niall didn't make it up the stairs until almost an hour later, after he'd fed the dogs and eaten a spot of dinner himself. The door to his father's room was closed, just the way he'd left it the night before.

"Da?" Niall said as he turned the knob slowly, pushing the door open while staying outside the room. His father was still in bed, and Niall's heart leapt into his throat at the sight.

He was in the same position as he had been the night before. Niall slowly stepped forward, his hands already shaking as he reached out to touch his father's arm.

"Wake up," he whispered as he wrapped his hand around his father's bicep and shook it lightly. "Da, please."

He pushed at his father's shoulder, tipping him onto his back as a sob escaped his lips. Niall shook him harder this time as the tears began to fall, and soon his cries were echoing throughout the otherwise empty house.

As a last ditch effort, Niall slapped his father across the face in the vain hope that it would revive him. His father didn't move of his own accord, and Niall collapsed onto the floor and yelled until his throat was hoarse.

He cursed his father for doing this to him. He cursed him for leaving him all alone in the world without giving him a chance. All Niall wanted was a chance to get his father to understand him, to accept him, and now he'd never get it.

Niall lay on the floor next to his father's bed for hours, hardly able to muster the strength to move an inch let alone go downstairs to call someone. When he finally did, he hardly knew who to call.

When his mother had finally passed, his father had been the one to handle the arrangements. Niall had tried to help, but was turned down at every opportunity. Now that he was all that was left, he'd never felt more alone.

He ended up calling the church and speaking directly to Father Riley, who assured him that he would send help as soon as possible. Niall thanked him softly, hanging up soon after and sitting out on the porch to wait.

Niall stayed there even after help arrived, barely moving a muscle as the doctor and local police passed him by to retrieve his father's body. He answered their questions in a haze, barely registering any of the information he was given.

He felt relieved, but that relief was overwhelmed with guilt so quickly that Niall hardly had a chance to enjoy it.

He didn't have to live in fear anymore. He was free. But not even the promise of freedom could make Niall forget the remorse he felt for not checking on his father the night before. In his mind, he was absolutely responsible for his father's death. If he'd only just been there, he could've done something.

But he hadn't been there, and he didn't do a thing. Niall had tried so hard to cut himself off from everyone, to protect them from the horrors of his own life, and now he was truly alone.

For the first time in his life, he didn't want to be alone. But he'd already pushed everyone away, and he didn't have any idea how to get them back.

*

The days following his father's death passed by and left Niall in a haze. He continued his work on the farm, never even thinking of taking some time to gather his thoughts about the situation at hand. It wasn't until Father Riley came to collect him for the small funeral service that Niall allowed himself to take a break.

He hadn't expected anyone to actually come to the funeral, given that he knew better than anyone that his father had burned too many bridges with the town to actually have any friends, so when they arrived to an empty church he wasn't surprised at all. His father was buried next to his mother, and as Niall stared down at the casket he found that he hardly felt a thing.

Long after Father Riley had left his side, Niall knelt down in front of his parents' graves and stared at the headstones before him. He began absentmindedly scratching at his arm and eventually pulled up his sleeves to reveal the yellowed bruises that littered his skin. Niall let out a dark cackle as he tipped his head back and looked up at the sky.

"Happy now, Da? Don't have to stare at your faggoty son anymore? Don't have to look at me and be reminded that it was my fault."

Niall's voice cracked and his throat grew small as the words left his mouth, and he heaved a heavy sigh as a sob threatened to follow. He looked at his mother's headstone and drew a trembling hand across his face, wiping a stray tear from his cheek as his eyes filled with more.

"Why'd you leave me?" he whispered as his bottom lip trembled with effort to keep from crying more. "Why'd you leave me _with him_?" Niall spat the last two words with such venom that he hardly recognized his own voice.

"It wasn't true, was it? It couldn't have been true." Niall buried his face in his hands and let out another shaky breath that was soon followed by cries of anguish.

Niall flinched and nearly fell over when he felt a hand on his shoulder, expecting to see Father Riley standing behind him and barely believing his eyes when he saw Liam and Zayn. Niall got to his feet but found that he couldn't say a word to either of them, still too ashamed of how he'd acted over the last few weeks.

It didn't matter at all, because they immediately pulled him into a hug and refused to let go. They held onto him tightly as he started crying again, managing to say "I'm sorry" over and over against their shoulders as they tried their best to soothe him.

"It's going to be alright," Zayn mumbled into Niall's ear as she gently ran her fingers through his hair.

"We're not going anywhere," Liam added.

Liam and Zayn didn't let go of Niall, even when he tried to pull away. He relented immediately, allowing them to help him make his way home. The moment they reached the steps leading up to the front door, Niall looked up and was instantly confused as to why the lights were on inside.

"I—I don't…"

"The girls," Liam said with a soft smile, "they wanted to help."

It was a very lucky thing that Liam and Zayn were holding onto Niall so tightly, because his legs practically gave out from under him at that moment as he was overwhelmed with emotion. They were hardly through the front door when Niall was bombarded with all four girls at once, immediately pulling him out of Liam and Zayn's arms and into theirs.

"You didn't have to do any of this," he mumbled softly, half-muffled by the sheer number of bodies surrounding him.

"You bite your tongue," Jade said immediately. "Of course we did."

"We're here for you, Niall," Jesy added as she wrapped her arms tighter around Niall's waist. "Even if you don't want us."

"We're not the only ones," Leigh-Anne said as she and Perrie pulled Niall forward into the kitchen. Niall blinked as he saw how the counters and kitchen table were filled with tons of food and pies and he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen his kitchen so full.

Max and Ringo barked happily as they ran back and forth between Niall and the kitchen, eager to show him all the goodies that they were hoping to get a bite of. Woofsevelt and Coco padded up and stood on either side of Niall, gently nosing and licking his fingers. Niall ran his hand through the fur on Coco's head, sending a silent apology for being absent for so long.

"I don't…" Niall's throat felt like it was going to close up again, but at least this time his tears were from being overjoyed rather than overwhelmed by sorrow. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly as he glanced around at the people he'd thought he'd lost forever before softly whispering, "thank you."

They were all so relieved to have Niall back in their lives that for the next week, not a single one of them let Niall out of their sight. It proved to be a bit detrimental to the work on the farm, mainly because not a single one of them besides Niall had ever done a day's work like that in their life.

The girls ended up playing with the lambs and pups more than they helped with the actual work, but Niall didn't mind since he'd rather they didn't end up hurting themselves anyway. Liam was able to do some of it because he was much stronger than he looked, and even though at first she was adamant that she wasn't like the other girls, Zayn collapsed after an hour and begged Niall to put her out of her misery.

All Niall could do was laugh, telling Zayn she had been the one to offer in the first place. In the end, Zayn followed Niall around and helped where she could, but for the most part she watched.

It reminded Niall of when Harry used to follow him around the farm, reading to him. Niall's heart still swelled whenever Harry crossed his mind, but he couldn't bring himself to go across the road to his house, let alone ask anyone in town about him.

At night, when he was alone in his bed, Niall thought back to all the things he'd said to Harry that night. He cringed when he pictured the look on Harry's face, and he regretted telling Harry to leave. He'd never regretted anything more in his life.

Niall thought it was too late. He had an sinking feeling that he'd never see Harry again and there was nothing he could do about it. Even if he did run into him, there was no telling if Harry would ever forgive him for all that he'd said and done.

As much as Niall hated to admit it, part of him had believed every word his father had ever said to him. And because of that, he still didn't feel like he deserved to be happy.

*

Niall awoke the next morning to an empty bed and the smell of breakfast wafting through the house. He rolled onto his back and exhaled with a sharp laugh, assuming that once again Liam and Zayn had come by far too early and against Niall's wishes. He could no longer remember the number of times he'd told them that he was perfectly able to tend to himself.

But he didn't hear any voices coming from downstairs; he didn't even hear any of the dogs. He hauled himself out of bed and changed into a fresh pair of clothes before shuffling down the stairs and discovering who was in his kitchen.

"Jesy," he said softly, finding her with her back turned to the door. She tensed up as he spoke but didn't turn around. "You don't have to-"

"I know," she answered quickly, keeping her back to Niall. "Zayn told me I didn't need to check up on you."

"Then what're you doing here?" he asked, cautiously stepping forward just enough to pull out one of the chairs at the kitchen table. He winced slightly as it scraped loudly against the floor, but Jesy still didn't move. Woofsevelt was curled up next to her feet while Max and Ringo had occupied the floor underneath the table.

"I wanted to be," she mumbled. Niall sighed as he sat down, propping his chin up with one hand while occupying the other with scratching Max's head who'd started nosing him the moment he took his seat.

"Jesy," Niall began.

"Here, eat it while it's hot." Jesy turned around and handed him a plate full of food, immediately turning her back again once he'd taken it from her.

"Why won't you look at me?" he asked, knowing his voice showed more desperation than he wanted it to. Jesy took a deep breath as she balled her hands into fists and brought one down against the counter lightly before she turned back around.

"I just want to know one thing."

"What?"

Jesy sighed again, biting her lip as she closed her eyes for a moment. Niall waited patiently until she made up her mind, reopening her eyes and swiftly taking the seat across from him at the table.

"Please, eat," she begged. "I need you to keep your mouth occupied if I'm going to keep my nerve."

"But-"

" _Please_ , Niall."

Niall huffed as he made a point to over-exaggerate as he picked up his fork and began to eat. He stuffed his mouth so full of food that Jesy couldn't help but laugh; even despite his cheeks bursting with food, Niall too cracked a small smile.

"I just want to know why you didn't tell me."

Niall narrowed his eyes in confusion, forcing his mouthful down before he was able to speak.

"Tell you-"

"That you're gay." Jesy finally met Niall's eyes and any shred of confusion or annoyance he was feeling was eliminated when he saw the hurt in her wide, shiny eyes. "I just- I feel like a fool. Throwing myself at you all these years and listening to everyone tell me that you were just shy; that you just needed time and maybe-"

"Jesy-"

"I feel like I should've known. It should've been obvious from the moment you ran away after I kissed you all those years ago." Jesy let out a self-deprecating laugh and Niall felt his heart break a little more.

"Jes-"

"I'm an idiot, I know. Holding a candle for you just because of one kiss when we were teenagers. I just thought-"

"Jesy!" He threw his fork down against the plate with a clatter, causing Jesy to jump at the sound. He immediately reached out to take her hand in his own. "You're not an idiot."

"Easy for you to say," she said with another sarcastic chuckle, reaching up with her free hand to wipe at her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I should've told you, but-" Niall cut himself off and sighed heavily. "I just didn't know how. The first person I told was my mum, right before she died."

"Oh, Niall," Jesy whispered, clutching his hand tightly. Niall took a deep breath as he squeezed her hand back, reaching across the table to grasp her other.

"I thought it was my fault. That it was God's way of punishing me for being the way I am, you know?" Niall sighed again as he looked down at the table, and Jesy tightened her grip even more.

"Niall, look at me."

He took a deep breath, letting himself meet Jesy's eye only when he was positive he wouldn't start crying himself.

"Your mother loved you no matter what, and so do I. So does everyone else in this shite town, you hear me?"

Niall let out a watery laugh, letting a few tears fall as Jesy smiled at him.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled softly. "M'sorry I can't love you the way you want me to."

"I know," Jesy replied with a small smile. "Just know that I care about you, yeah? I don't want to lose you again."

"You won't. Promise."

"I'm holding you to that. You know Zayn and Liam would hunt you down themselves if you ran off."

Niall laughed again, stronger than before and Jesy joined in. He slowly let go of her hands, standing up and opening his arms to her.

"C'mere," he said as he motioned to her. Jesy laughed softly as she stood up, rounding the table to wrap her arms around his neck in a tight hug. Niall buried his head in her neck as he held her closely, feeling some of the weight he'd been carrying for years slowly start to lift from his shoulders.

"Sorry," he repeated. Jesy laughed in his ear and tugged on a lock of his hair.

"You're forgiven, Niall. Stop apologizing already."

Jesy pulled back from Niall, keeping her arms around his neck as his still encircled her waist. He pressed his forehead against hers and they both laughed softly.

"You sure you're okay?" he murmured. Jesy nodded as she looked away from Niall's eyes.

"I'll be alright," she said softly. "It'll take a while, but I'll make it." She looked back up into Niall's eyes and smiled. "You?"

Niall shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, eventually."

"Least you've got a fit boy to help you," she teased. "All I've got are the girls."

"I'm sure they're more than up for the job." Niall forced a smile, ignoring the way his heart thumped at the very idea of seeing Harry again, let alone being consoled by him.

Jesy laughed and pulled Niall in for another hug. They slipped out of each other's arms a few minutes later and Jesy pushed Niall back into his chair and encouraged him to eat.

"I made that with love and you're going to finish it."

"Yes'm." Niall grinned as he started eating, only minding a little that it had gone cold during their conversation. Jesy smiled back at him, gently running her hand through his hair before she began gathering up her things. Niall looked up at her, pausing with his fork halfway to his mouth with a quizzical glance in her direction.

"Can't stay here all day, can I?" she said with a smile. "Told Pezza I'd spend the day with her."

"I see how it is," Niall teased, finding it easy to slide back into old habits for the first time in a long time. "Make me breakfast to get me to bare my soul, then ditch me for Pezza."

"Please," Jesy replied with a roll of her eyes. "You're glad to be rid of me, I know it."

Niall laughed, standing up again to hug Jesy one more time. "Love you, Jes."

"Love you too, Niall."

After Jesy left, Niall couldn't deny that he was a little relieved to have the house back to himself and the pups after a week of always having someone around. He cleaned up the dishes from breakfast, giving the leftover scraps to the pups before he hastened them out the door.

Once he'd let the sheep out to roam around the pasture, Niall found that his mind wasn't in his work. Truth be told, it hadn't been in it for the last few days but while he had someone around it was easy to write them off as the distraction.

But if Niall was being truly honest with himself, he knew why he was distracted. As much as he wanted to move on with his life, he still felt unbelievably guilty.

That was how he found himself sitting in the back pew of the church, one of the few familiar places around town he still allowed himself to go to. It had barely registered to him that it was Sunday, and he'd made it just in time to catch the tail end of Sunday Mass.

He kept his head down as the church emptied, and soon he was the only one left sitting in the pews. Father Riley made his rounds to blow out the candles scattered about the room before he settled himself in the pew across from Niall.

Out of the corner of his eye, Niall noticed that Father Riley had a small smile on his face but made no indication that he was going to be the first to speak. Niall put his head in his hands and sighed heavily, wishing that simply _being_ in the church gave him the sense of relief he was looking for.

"Father?" Niall spoke so softly that he wasn't sure that he'd been heard at all until Father Riley turned to face him.

"What is it, Niall?"

"It was my fault," he said, his voice coming out thick as he fought to keep from crying. Father Riley sighed softly as he brought his hands together and gave Niall a sad smile.

"You know that's not true, Niall. Your father's heart attack had nothing to do with you."

"But—" Niall inhaled sharply, "I didn't—I should've been there."

"You were." Father Riley rose to his feet and came towards Niall, placing a steady hand on Niall's shoulder as he leaned back against the pew in front of him. "There's no better son a father could've had than you."

"S'not true," Niall mumbled. "He could hardly look at me without being disgusted. He hated me, what I am."

"What you are, Niall, is a good person. You have a wonderful heart and a kind soul. I've witnessed you put the needs of everyone you care about before your own." He gently tucked his hand under Niall's chin and tipped it up so their eyes met. "You are truly your mother's son. Don't forget that."

Niall's chin trembled more as he continued to fight his tears, still not able to let go his feelings of guilt. He took a deep breath, searching for the words inside his head before he opened his mouth again.

"Father, you were with my mother before…" Niall trailed off and Father Riley nodded, not needing him to say the words that were failing him. "Did she…say…anything? A-About me?"

Father Riley sighed softly as his smile grew more fond. "She asked me to keep an eye on you. To make sure that you were looked after and well taken care of."

Niall nodded, biting his tongue to keep back a snide remark having to do with his father. He thought it best not to curse out a priest in the house of God.

"He…he said it was my fault. That I killed her."

Father Riley took a deep breath and stayed silent for a long time. Niall concentrated on the sound of his own breathing, counting the seconds go by as he waited for a response.

"Your father was a deeply troubled man. I know you know this better than anyone, but there was nothing anyone could do because he didn't want to help himself. He was stuck in his ways, as many troubled men are." Father Riley took another deep breath and made sure Niall was looking at him before he continued.

"But your mother's death was not your fault, just as your father's was also not your fault. She was ill, as you know, and there was nothing more anyone could have done for her. I don't know what he said to make you think otherwise, but—"

"He said she couldn't live with a faggot for a son," Niall interrupted, quickly adding, "sorry, Father."

"It's alright, Niall. I know they were your father's words, not yours." Father Riley's smile faded slightly, the look in his eyes changing from fond to disappointment. "He had no right to say that to you because you can only be who you are, nothing more and nothing less."

"But…" Niall stared at Father Riley, confused that he would have that opinion, let alone say it aloud.

"Do you know Matthew 7, Niall?"

He slowly shook his head, knowing he shouldn't feel ashamed for not knowing specific scripture but unable to help it.

"It says, 'Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.' Understand?"

"Sort of," Niall admitted, still mildly confused. Father Riley smiled warmly at him and laughed, the sound soft and fond.

"I realize the official stance of the Catholic Church is that for a man to lie with another man is a sin, but it's difficult to agree with when there's so much evidence to the contrary." Father Riley shook his head. "As I see it, love is love. God cannot forsake you for who you are or who you love, because you are exactly the way he intended for you to be."

Niall let out a slow breath, feeling the weight lift off his chest as the air left his lungs. He stared up at Father Riley with wide eyes, wishing there was something, _anything_ he could do or say that would convey the gratitude he felt in that moment.

"Thank you," he whispered. Father Riley smiled, pressing his hand against Niall's cheek lightly before he stepped away from the pew and slowly walked up the aisle to the front of the church.

Niall sat for a moment, staring at Father Riley's back as the fog in his head cleared and he finally felt like he could breathe again without wanting to break down and cry. He stood up a few minutes later and walked towards the door, pausing with his hand against the wood and thinking that maybe he would start coming to Sunday Mass more often.

*

Niall took his time with driving back to the house, knowing only the dogs would be waiting for him. It was comforting, knowing he could get back to his routine, but at the same time he still knew something was missing.

When he pulled into the driveway and stopped his truck in front of the house, he saw a figure that he never expected to see again. He could hardly believe his eyes as he climbed out of the cab, slamming the door and slowly walking towards him.

"Louis?"

"Finally!" Louis cried, running down the few steps and practically jumping into Niall's arms. "I've been banging on your door for ages!"

"What—What're you doing here?"

"I'm here to get you! C'mon, we've got to go, quickly now!" He grabbed Niall's wrist and took off, pulling Niall behind him despite him still shouting questions.

It didn't take long for Niall to find out where they were going, and the closer they got to Harry's house the faster Niall's heart started to pound. He still didn't know why Louis was so eager to get him there, but a number of ideas were running through his mind and he didn't like a single one.

"Louis!" Niall finally wrenched his wrist from Louis' grip just before he'd been pulled through the front door. Louis whirled around to face Niall and stared at him with wide eyes. "What are you—"

He was interrupted by a loud shout of pain followed by a great deal of high-pitched barking, and Niall stared past Louis into the house with a worried look.

"It's Gemma," Louis said, doing little to calm Niall's nerves. "The baby's coming."

Hardly giving Niall a moment to let the news sink in, Louis grabbed his arm again and pulled him inside and quickly up the stairs. Nick was pacing outside of a room with the door closed, pausing every time Gemma cried out and wringing his hands in worry.

"There you are!" Nick sighed heavily as Louis pulled Niall up the stairs. "Don't run off again, I can't bloody handle this by myself."

"I brought help!" Louis replied, pushing Niall towards the door.

"I thought you were going to get _the doctor_!" Nick whispered harshly.

"Couldn't bloody well find him, could I?" Louis snapped as he opened the door and they were met with another loud cry.

Niall immediately covered his eyes, ignoring the indignant huff from Louis as he yanked him into the room. Refusing to uncover his eyes, Niall stood stock-still and hoped that maybe things would be all right.

Stiles continued to bark, and even over Gemma's wailing he could hear his tiny nails clicking against the hardwood floor as he ran circles around everyone in the room.

"What's he doing here?"

Niall flinched at the sound of Harry's voice, and every hope he'd just gathered disappeared in the blink of an eye.

"I thought he could help!" Louis explained. "Y'know, what with his sheep and all."

"You… _what_?" Niall uncovered his eyes long enough to find Louis and stare at him blankly. "It's not the fucking same, Louis!"

"Well, I panicked, alright?!" Louis protested as he bent down to grab Stiles as he passed by, and Gemma shouted loudly enough to make them all jump.

"I AM NOT A FUCKING SHEEP, TOMLINSON, I WILL MURDER YOU!"

In spite of himself, Niall almost laughed. He quickly clamped a hand over his mouth, wishing he'd covered his eyes again when Harry looked at him. Niall's eyes immediately fell to the floor and he tried to inch back towards the door.

Despite the fact that he'd started arguing with both Harry and Gemma, Louis managed to latch onto Niall again and prevent him from leaving. Niall kept extremely quiet, trying not to wince every time Gemma cried out in pain.

The minutes dragged by impossibly slow as Niall grew more and more nervous and uncomfortable. In all the times he'd thought about seeing Harry again over the last few days, this had definitely never crossed his mind.

Nick burst through the door, narrowly missing hitting Niall with it as he came into the room with another man following close behind. In the bustle of getting the doctor over to Gemma, Niall managed to slip out of Louis' grip and into the hallway.

Without a second thought, Niall took off down the stairs and out the front door. He didn't stop running until he was halfway down the road into town, and even then he only slowed down to a brisk walk. As he fought to catch his breath he realized that he'd just run away from the one person who he'd been hoping to see ever since he told him to go away.

Niall stormed into the pub for the first time in weeks, made extremely apparent by the number of surprised faces he passed on his way to his usual stool. Even Liam and Zayn stared at him as he sat down, immediately stealing the half-empty pint glass in front of Liam and downing it without a word.

"Another?" Zayn asked in an amused tone after Niall set the empty glass down and gasped for air. He nodded, still breathing heavily as Zayn turned around and Liam eyed him warily.

"You okay?" he asked cautiously. Niall shook his head, pressing the palm of his hand against his forehead and grimacing slightly at the amount of sweat across his brow.

"Wanna talk about it?" Liam asked, expecting another brush off. Zayn set down two full glasses before them and Niall sighed heavily.

"Louis and Nick are back," Niall said and paused long enough for both Liam and Zayn to smile and start to say how that was a good thing before he added, "and Gemma's having her baby. I just ran out of their house."

"What'd you do that for?" Liam asked at the same time Zayn rolled her eyes and said, "you twat."

"Dunno," Niall said with a heavy sigh, "panicked."

"Did you…y'know," Liam gestured with his hands, " _see_ anything?"

Both Niall and Zayn stared at him and his cheeks immediately flushed.

"I'm not—I'm just saying, if I saw…" Liam cleared his throat and Zayn rolled her eyes again.

"Can't even say it, can you?" she asked in amusement.

"Shut up," Liam muttered, ignoring Zayn's cheeky smile as he turned back to Niall. "I'm sure he'll forgive you, if that's what you're worried about."

"I think I've got far worse things to be sorry for," Niall mumbled as he laid his head down on the bar, letting his arms drop below to his sides. He jumped suddenly when he felt Coco start licking his fingers, not realizing she'd wandered over to him.

"I've had just about enough of this," Zayn grumbled. "Are you going to tell him?"

"Tell me what?" Niall asked, lifting his head to send confused looks to both Zayn and Liam.

"Zayn, it's not our place-" Liam stared at Zayn with wide eyes and she huffed.

"I'm sick of Niall running away from his problems!"

"I'm not-" Zayn stared at Niall and he immediately closed his mouth. He was about to say that he hadn't been doing that, but it was a lie. That's exactly what he'd been doing from day one.

"Do you know why we insisted on hanging 'round this past week?" Niall looked at Liam, wondering if this was a trick question.

"Because...you were worried about me?"

"Well, yes, but that's not entirely the point." Zayn sighed. "I mean, we would've done it regardless but the fact that Harry told-"

"Harry?" Niall interrupted, earning a glare from Zayn.

"Don't interrupt. Yes, _Harry_. D'you have any idea how much he cares about you? The lengths he's gone to just to make sure you're alright?"

"I..I don't..." Niall's throat was suddenly dry, but he didn't dare make a move towards his drink.

"Of course you don't." Zayn sighed again, softer and less angry this time. "He's the one who demanded that we keep an eye on you. Even after you told him to stay out of your life."

Niall sighed heavily and buried his face in his hands. Liam laid a gentle hand on his shoulder and Niall let out a shaky laugh.

"I've really stepped in it, haven't I?"

"Yeah." Zayn offered a small smile. "You're a bit of an idiot. More than a bit, actually."

"We all are," Liam added. "Sometimes." Niall watched as he turned to smile at Zayn. He felt a mild ache in his heart looking at the two of them share something so simple yet so meaningful. All he'd ever wanted was to have a relationship like theirs, and here he was running away from the possibility.

Niall finally reached for his pint and just as he brought it to his lips, Zayn cleared her throat.

"By the way, you're also a complete arsehole for not telling us you were living in the bloody shack."

Niall nearly choked as Liam started snickering, burying his face in the crook of his elbow. Zayn shook her head as Niall set his glass back down, pounding his chest a few times to stop his coughing.

"Sorry," he croaked.

"You'd better be. If you ever do that again, I'll drag you out myself."

Niall groaned and collapsed back onto the bar. Zayn gently ran her fingers through his hair to soothe him.

"I'm a mess," he grumbled.

"Well," Liam said as he nodded to Zayn who ducked down behind the bar, "I think we've got something that could take your mind off it, if you like."

Niall lifted his head just in time to see Zayn stand back up and pull the box of dominoes out. He turned to Liam and a small smile spread across his lips as he nodded slowly.

"Oh, thank God." Zayn sighed heavily. "He's been making _me_ play."

"Really?" Niall asked with an amused grin.

"Needed someone to practice with, didn't I? Couldn't get rusty on you." Liam beamed as he started shuffling the dominoes.

"That and he wouldn't stop moping about until I agreed to," Zayn added as she quickly squeezed one of Liam's hands before heading down to the other end of the bar to serve another patron.

Niall stayed silent as he and Liam each drew a domino to see who'd go first, then shuffled the pile again and picked their hand. He let out a soft sigh as he looked at Liam, who was now concentrating on arranging his dominoes just right, and he smiled again.

"Thanks," he said softly. Liam turned to him with a mildly confused look and a nervous smile.

"For what?"

"For not giving up on me." Niall sighed again. "Even when I pushed you away."

"Never will, Niall." Liam's smile turned from nervous to caring and gripped his shoulder tightly. "Never."

A few rounds of dominoes was all it took for Niall to slip back into his old comfort zone, soon joking and laughing with Liam like nothing else in the world mattered. Zayn sat in on a few rounds, even though Niall could tell she really didn't understand how the game worked.

He wondered if Liam had purposefully taught her the wrong things just so he could win, but he wasn't going to ask.

Even Jade came out from the kitchen and wrapped her arms tightly around Niall, murmuring in his ear that it was lovely to have him back. He hugged her back, his heart swelling as he tried to apologize.

"Don't be sorry," she said with a light swat to the side of his head, "just don't do it again."

"Promise," Niall replied with a soft laugh, looping his pinkie finger with Jade's to seal the deal.

For a few hours, Niall actually managed to forget about Harry. That is, until the door to the pub opened and Nick came strolling in. He spoke to Zayn at the other end of the bar for a few minutes before he ventured towards Niall. Liam laid a hand on Niall's arm, but he shook it off a moment later with a soft murmur that he was alright.

"Ducked out right quick, you did." Nick sighed sharply.

"Dunno why I was there in the first place."

"Because Lou's a bit of an idiot when he's nervous." Nick chuckled lightly. "As I'm sure we all are."

Niall didn't have anything to respond with, so he nodded silently. He looked down at the bar, hoping that maybe Nick would take a hint and leave. Liam kept his eyes on Nick, ready to get between the two of them if Niall needed him to.

"You should come back," Nick said after a few minutes of silence. "I'm picking up some food, I can give you a ride."

"I don't—"

"You should," Liam interrupted. Niall gaped at him, entirely unsure of how Liam had managed to apparently switch teams in less than a minute.

"They've been asking about you," Nick added. "Gemma thought she hallucinated the whole bloody thing, poor girl."

Niall gave Liam a pleading look, silently hoping that he'd switch back and come up with a reason as to why Niall couldn't possibly go. He had no ideas himself, other than _I can't see Harry_.

"It'll be alright," Liam said as he gently patted Niall's shoulder. He sighed heavily.

"If I don't go willingly, you'll drag me there, won't you?"

"Probably," Liam answered with a laugh.

"It's settled, then? Excellent!" Nick said with a smile as Zayn reappeared with bags for him. He turned away from the bar and nodded his head in a gesture for Niall to follow. It took a minute, but Niall slid off his stool and started to follow.

He turned back to look at Liam and Zayn before he stepped through the door, and each offered him a reassuring smile. Liam even gave him the thumbs-up, which made Niall smile and laugh softly as he shuffled through the doorway.

Nick didn't try and force conversation with Niall as they drove back to the house, and Niall was secretly grateful for that. He had no idea what would happen when he showed up unannounced for the second time that day, but he hoped that he would be able to handle it this time around.

"Nick," he said just before Nick opened the front door.

"Yeah?"

"Boy or girl?" Nick smiled at Niall; glad to see that he'd finally joined their conversation.

"Boy. Still unnamed, or so I think. Hopefully Gemma hasn't given in to Louis' demands."

"Demands?" Niall asked as Nick pushed the door open.

"To name him Louis, of course."

*

Niall stood outside the door to Gemma's room, Nick having pushed him in that direction as he headed for the kitchen. He could hear voices on the other side, but he couldn't quite tell who they belonged to.

He lifted a hand, hesitating for a moment before he knocked on the door. The voices quieted, and Niall recognized Gemma's voice calling out for him to come in. With a deep breath, he slowly pushed the door open and prayed that he was going to be able to handle whatever was on the other side.

Louis was standing next to Gemma's bed, holding a small bundle in his arms, while Gemma stared Niall down from across the room. Stiles was curled up at the end of the bed, quiet for the moment but his tiny eyes darted around the room; Niall vaguely wondered who Stiles deemed more of a threat, him or the baby. Harry was nowhere to be seen, and Niall wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed.

"Louis, piss off."

"Watch your mouth around the baby!" Louis chastised.

"He's my son, he'd better get used to it." Gemma held out her arms to take the baby back from Louis, who huffed indignantly before reluctantly giving him back. Almost immediately after, he scooped Stiles into his arms and held him tightly despite Stiles whining and trying his hardest to wriggle out of Louis' grip.

"I'm serious about the names, Gemma," he said as he started walking towards Niall and the door.

"I know," she said with a roll of her eyes, "I'll consider them."

"All I ask!" Louis called before he side-stepped Niall and disappeared through the doorway, closing it behind him.

"If he honestly thinks I'm giving my son the middle name 'Tomlinshaw', he's got another thing coming," Gemma said with a sarcastic laugh. Niall shrugged his shoulders and stayed still near the door.

Gemma looked up at Niall and sighed softly.

"You coming in or what?"

"I am in," Niall protested.

"He's not going to bite."

"Can't say the same about you," Niall mumbled as he slowly stepped forward. As he stood next to the bed, he noticed the opposite wall for the first time and nearly fainted.

It was covered in hundreds of pictures, probably more than Niall had ever seen before in his life. He recognized many of them as various places around the town, some of Gemma, Louis and Nick, as well as Liam and Zayn. There were even a few of the other girls stuck in here and there, but was most overwhelming for Niall was the sheer number of pictures of _himself_.

The one that stood out most to him was the first one Harry had taken of the two of them; the one from the night they'd spent in the back of Niall's truck. Just looking at it brought a wave of feelings crashing down over Niall, and he had to stop himself from reaching out for it.

"He never showed you any of his photos, did he?" Gemma asked, interrupting Niall's thoughts that were going a mile a minute.

"No," he answered softly, tearing his eyes away and looking down at the baby in Gemma's arms.

"You should've seen our old house," she said with a light snicker turned groan as she gently rocked her son back and forth in her arms. "Couldn't even see the wallpaper in most of the rooms."

"He's a bit mad with that camera."

"Harry's a bit mad with a lot of things." Gemma looked up at Niall and smiled. "Wanna hold him?"

Niall almost said no; almost listed a number of reasons why he shouldn't come near the baby, but instead he said, "sure."

Gemma carefully handed him over, making sure Niall supported his head before she pulled her hands away. She watched the two of them with a small smile on her face before she spoke again.

"We've been through a lot, Haz and I."

"You're siblings," Niall said with as much of a shrug as he could muster while keeping a tight grip on the tiny infant in his arms, "doesn't it come with the territory?"

Gemma laughed and shook her head. "Maybe. But we're more alike than you think."

"You and Harry?"

"No, you idiot." Gemma rolled her eyes. "Us and you. You're not the only one who's ever lost someone, y'know."

Niall stared at her and she sighed heavily before shifting over in her bed and patting the open space next to her.

"For all the talking you two did, he didn't tell you a damn thing, did he?" she grumbled as Niall sat down, still cradling her son in his arms as carefully as he could.

"Tell me what?"

"We lost our mum, too. Nearly five years ago, now." Gemma sighed softly, and Niall honestly didn't know what to say.

He'd been told 'I'm sorry for your loss' a hundred times over when his own mother died, and he always hated it. He knew it was different for everyone, and nobody could ever really understand how anyone else was feeling.

He stayed quiet as Gemma told him about their mother's death, and how close they'd both been to her. She said that Harry took it harder than she did, but he still handled the whole thing far better than she ever thought possible.

She explained how Harry had buried himself in his work and how much she'd resented him when his career took off. Her voice trembled when she told him how she'd nearly destroyed their relationship out of jealousy and anger.

Niall was reminded of when Harry had been so hesitant to tell him the reasons behind why he and Gemma had moved to Whitegate, and he finally understood. It hadn't been his story to tell, and he wasn't the type to speak for someone else.

"I never thought that getting pregnant and him dragging me to Ireland would bring us back together," she remarked with a laugh as she wiped her eyes. "I owe him everything."

"I don't understand how he managed to talk you into it," Niall admitted. Gemma shrugged her shoulders, a heartwarming smile stretched across her face.

"I don't either, to tell you the truth. Harry's just…got this way about him, y'know? All he wants is to make other people happy. He's opened his heart to more than I can ever imagine, and it's been broken a hundred times over, but he keeps going."

"How?" Gemma sighed softly as her eyes drifted across the wall of photographs before turning back to look into Niall's eyes.

"Hope. Not once in our lives has he ever given up on someone, because he's always got hope." She smiled, but her gaze turned serious and Niall felt a shiver go down his spine. "But hope's not enough if it's wasted on the wrong person."

"Has it been?" Niall asked softly.

"You tell me."

Niall let out a slow breath before he stood up, gently handing Gemma back her son. He opened his mouth, but couldn't find the words he wanted to say. Gemma turned her head away from him and towards her son, seemingly uninterested in whatever Niall had wanted to say.

He didn't say another word as he crossed the room and stepped through the door. Niall quickly walked down the stairs and ignored Louis calling his name as he left the house almost as fast as he had hours before.

Due to the fact that Niall was staring at the ground, he didn't realize he was about to walk into Harry until it had already happened. They both froze and stared at each other, neither knowing what to say.

"Hi," Harry said softly.

"Hi," Niall replied with a heavy sigh.

"You came back." Harry blinked, his eyes flickering back and forth between Niall's and the ground as if he couldn't quite handle keeping full eye contact.

"Yeah," Niall whispered, nearly losing his voice altogether. "I…saw the baby. And Gemma."

"Yeah?"

Niall nodded. "And…the pictures."

"Oh?" Harry looked at Niall, searching his face for the kind of reaction he was hoping for, but Niall showed no emotion. At least, not the one Harry wanted to see. "Oh."

Niall looked down at the ground. "I should go."

"Okay," Harry answered softly.

"Don't let Louis name the baby," Niall said as he stepped around Harry, his fingers grazing Harry's hand. "Louis is a shit name."

Harry slowly cracked a smile as he managed to catch one of Niall's fingers with his own. "How about Niall?"

"Nah," Niall said as he shook his head, "can't name him after a right idiot."

Harry let out a breathy laugh as he slowly brought Niall's hand up, lightly brushing his lips over the knuckles. Niall's breath hitched as Harry's eyes met his own, letting go of his hand a moment later.

"You're not an idiot," Harry murmured quietly as he turned and started walking towards the house, leaving Niall in the driveway with his heart pounding.

He stood still for a good five minutes, watching Harry retreat until he walked into the house and disappeared from view. Niall let out a harsh breath as he turned on his heel and headed back to his farm.

Niall paused at the top of the driveway, choosing to make a stop at the shack before he headed back to the house. He hadn't been inside it since the night his father dragged him out, and the memory caused him to shudder as he stepped over the threshold.

He knew exactly what he was looking for, and a sense of relief washed over him as he found that his favorite of Harry's notes was still pinned to the wall. He gently took it down and tucked it into his pocket before turning around and leaving the shack.

That night, he slept with the note tucked safely under his pillow and his dreams were filled with one thing: hope.

*

A ray of sunlight shone through Niall's bedroom window the following morning, falling directly across his eyes that made it almost impossible for Niall to keep sleeping. The dogs stirred as soon as Niall opened his eyes and yawned, a smile immediately spreading across his face when his fingers brushed against Harry's note still under his pillow.

As he got up from his bed to start the day, Niall tried not to dwell on the fact that his heart was beating faster than normal. He knew why and he felt a little ridiculous for letting one seemingly meaningless conversation affect him so much.

After all, Niall hadn't actually apologized to Harry. He didn't count calling himself an idiot and Harry arguing the fact; Niall knew that they both still had a long way to go before anything would go back to normal.

With this thought planted firmly in his mind, Niall went about his usual morning routine. The dogs seemed to pick up on the fact that Niall was in a much better mood than he had been in the last month, and they were happier for it as well.

Niall watched as they all tried to play with the sheep – even Woofsevelt – although the sheep simply bleated loudly and avoided the dogs' numerous attempts to play. He continued to watch them for a while, laughing as the dogs gave up on the sheep one by one and started chasing each other instead.

Niall holed himself up in the barn, deciding that he wanted to spend his time spinning wool. He figured that if he concentrated hard enough on it, maybe his mind would come up with some ideas for his apology to Harry.

He didn't want it to be some big ordeal, that never was Niall's style. Even though the biggest cause of his fear was now gone, Niall still wasn't sure if he was ready for the whole town to know about him. If he was being truly honest with himself, he wasn't sure if he'd even come to terms with it.

Niall didn't want to feel ashamed of himself for not being strong enough. He admired Harry for having the sort of strength that he wished he did. If nothing else worked out between them, Niall figured he'd be satisfied with just having Harry in his life.

Even if they weren't together, Niall knew he was a better person with Harry around.

A loud bark snapped Niall out of his thoughts, and he looked up from his spinning wheel and listened carefully for another one. He'd learned to pick out the differences between the barks of his dogs, and he knew it had come from Max. Ringo started barking along with him, but they were prone to barking at birds.

But once he heard Woofsevelt's bark, Niall knew something had to be going on that was out of the ordinary. He left the barn at a quick pace and headed out to the pasture, glancing around for the dogs among all the sheep.

He could still hear their barking, but they were nowhere to be seen. Niall opened his mouth to call for them when he noticed something draped across one of the sheep a few yards away.

As he got closer, he realized it was a large sign. He walked around the sheep and saw that the word "you" was written in large black letters, and he had absolutely no idea how or why it had gotten there.

"What the…" he mumbled, glancing around again for the dogs when he spotted another sheep with a similar sign.

Luckily for Niall, he didn't have to move a muscle to read what its sign said: "I".

The dogs started barking again and Niall followed the sound around the side of the barn, finally spotting them circling some sheep that had wandered off. But the roving sheep weren't the only thing the dogs were excited about.

There was Harry, desperately trying to get one of the sheep to hold still as he attached a third sign to it. Niall could just make out the sound of Harry's voice murmuring to it to try and keep it under control.

"C'mon sheepie, good sheepie…" Harry groaned as the sheep wrangled out of his grasp, "not that way!"

The sheep took off along with the others, but Niall managed to catch the word scrawled on the sign as the sheep passed by. It said "love".

Harry groaned again, loudly, as he watched the sheep run off before he noticed Niall standing there. He slowly walked towards him with a small smile, looking mildly embarrassed about being caught in the middle of, well, whatever it was he was trying to do.

"You're mad, d'you know that?" Niall said with a light laugh once Harry came to a stop in front of him.

"Yeah, well," Harry mumbled with a shrug. "I ran out of post-its."

"You've got to be joking." Niall shook his head, trying to contain his laughter. Harry grinned, taking another step closer to him.

"I've got a new one." Niall raised an eyebrow and Harry took that as an invitation to continue. "Do you know what's special about your sheep?"

"Besides the fact that you've turned them into advertisements?" Niall asked with a smirk, which Harry ignored with a roll of his eyes.

"They're all _out standing_ in their field."

In spite of it being a truly awful joke, Niall burst out laughing and Harry's smile grew even wider. He took another step towards Niall and slowly wrapped his arms around his waist.

Niall's laughter tapered off as he took a deep breath, hesitantly putting his own arms around Harry and tilting his head up to look into his eyes. His breath came out shaky and he felt a tremor course through his body at the sight of Harry's face so close to his own.

"That was awful," he whispered softly.

"Made you laugh, though." Harry smiled as his grip on Niall tightened. "I missed that."

"I'm sorry," Niall mumbled as he began to blink rapidly to keep his tears at bay. Harry pulled Niall against him tightly and sighed heavily.

"Don't be sorry," Harry breathed into Niall's ear, tightening his hold, "just don't push me away again."

"I—I can't promise that," Niall choked out as his heart started pounding wildly inside his chest. He felt dizzy and was positive that if Harry let go, he'd surely fall to the ground.

"M'not asking you to," Harry said calmly as he slowly pulled away, still keeping his arms wrapped firmly around Niall. "All I'm asking is for you to try."

"Try," Niall repeated softly as their eyes met again. "I can try," he said with a slow nod of his head. Harry's bottom lip trembled slightly as he smiled, bringing one hand up to gently wipe away a tear that Niall hadn't even realized had fallen from his eye.

Harry slowly cupped his hand around the back of Niall's head and leaned forward to brush their lips together in a light kiss, still afraid that Niall might pull away and run. His reaction was quite the opposite; Niall brought both of his hands up from Harry's waist to thread his fingers through Harry's curly hair, refusing to let him get even an inch away from him.

In that moment, standing in the middle of his farm with sheep and dogs running wild, Niall knew he had everything his heart desired. And there was absolutely no way he was going to let it slip away, not even for a second.

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr](http://imlouisaf.tumblr.com)


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